Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 19, 2004 13:51:28 GMT -5
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her panties. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be,"remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I
heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered ..."Why, not
for about twenty years-- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
"So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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And Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
--won't admit his name
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.