Rednecks

[lildee]

Redneck Babies



In the back woods of Arkansas, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. A doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous redneck busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."



Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Enus!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, "Do ye think it's dat der light that's attractin' em?"

[lildee]

Redneck Computer Geek
You might be a redneck addicted to the world of computers if...
If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.
Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.
Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail money.
Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.
Ya think a hard drive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.
Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spit can.
Ya think a surge suppressor is a pill for diarrhea.
Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.
Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.
Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.
Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.


Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.
Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.
Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.
Ya play Frisbee with yer CD Rom's.
Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.
When birds fly across yer screen ya reach for yer shotgun.
Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.
Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.
Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.
Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.
Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.
Ya give directions to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.
Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.
Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.
Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.
Ya see the word "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.
Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.
Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.
Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.

[majestyjo]

You go into morning when your computer crashes.