SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER

[caressa]

SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER


I'm sure you didn't ask, but . . . . .


SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR'S EMAILS
ON MY COMPUTER:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the
one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet
towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open
for the same reason.. I
no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for
the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that
will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail
program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena
has granted my every
wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like
a water buffalo on a hot day.

I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because I've
learned that it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking
someone along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't c crawl in my
back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since
the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to
put 'Under God' on their
cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.

I now know that I can't boil a cup water in
the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my
face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don 't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone
will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that
will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

Thanks to my many internet friends, I can't
use anyone's toilet but
mine because a big brown African spider is
lurking under the seat
to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.

And thanks to the great advice, I will never
pick up $5.00 that I
dropped in the parking lot because it
probably was placed there by
a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least

144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea
will land on your head
at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from
12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of
my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

PS ---- A South American scientist from
Argentina, after a lengthy
study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain and
sexual activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too
late.

[caressa222]

LOL. Miss my computer