Post by caressa on Jul 20, 2007 15:10:48 GMT -5
Top Ten Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart
10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a
magazine
with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and
precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
9. You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.
8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly
like
your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and the
half-open graham cracker garage door.
7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon,rose
petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a
delicate mint-fennel sauce.
6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you
leave
the bathroom.
5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded
into a swan.
4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an
oyster fork.
3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing
in
every orifice.
AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...
1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your
temple.
10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a
magazine
with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and
precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
9. You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.
8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly
like
your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and the
half-open graham cracker garage door.
7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon,rose
petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a
delicate mint-fennel sauce.
6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you
leave
the bathroom.
5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded
into a swan.
4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an
oyster fork.
3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing
in
every orifice.
AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...
1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your
temple.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.