Help

[momto7]

How do I convince my husband that I have a gambling problem?? He crushed my world today when he confided in a family member that it's all in my head and that I can quit anytime...I need his support and I am getting everything but

Michelle

[Lin]

I am so sorry your world was crushed. I've been there...when i knew something to be true and was told it was all in my head. Mine was a physical pain in my arm. A neurologist did some tests and told me my arm was fine and the pain was all in my head. I found another doctor. He found the problem.

But with a husband it's not that easy. You can't jsut find another husband for a second opinion. You see...people who love another with an addiction sometimes are in denial that there is a problem. We often think the other person jsut has a "problem"...not an addiction. We don't want to admit it. Or we don't understand that addiction is a disease. When my dad drank himself literally to death at the age of 56...even after the doctors told him to quit or die, he chose to keep drinking. I was so angry. I could not understand why he jsut could not walk away from it. I thought it was as easy as giving up ice cream or peanut butter. But it's not. Addictions are hard to deal with from both sides of the coin.

I can't tell you how to make him believe you...unless you remind him of the times you have spent money that was meant for the bills or something like that. If you told him how hard it is to walk past a machine without stopping to give it a try. But the problem is not actually HIS to solve. It is YOURS. YOU have to be the one to find a GA meeting and start going. He may laugh at you and tell you it's in your head. He's right. Addictions are in your head, but also in your heart, your soul, your spirit, your body.

The fact your husband said somethign about you that hurt you, is a common problem in any marriage. Communication about the hurt he caused you shoudl be an important step in both of you having a happier marriage. Rigth now it's like he thinks you are looney and you think he is mean and untrusting. I have been married 35 years. This is a problem I had to deal with alot. If I did not deal with it, I became angry and resentful. So open, honest communication is in order for you both.

he may STILL think you can walk away from an addiction. And tha'ts very normal. It took me many years to hear it and read about it and understand how powerful addictions really are. It took me many years to understand the disease concept. Addiictions are cunning , baffling and powerful. The addictions in my family were alcohol, prescription meds and cigarettes. But it all works the same.

Best of luck to you! I hoe you find a local meeting. I imagine in Vegas they must have others with this addiction and have a meeting you can get to. Knowledge is power. Perhaps you can also look it up on the internet and read about gambling addictions.

Keep coming back!
LIN

[SaraLee]

Aside of the great advice Lin gave you, denial often keeps not only the addicted person from seeing realistically but also family members.

When the alcoholic in my life stopped drinking and admitted he was an alcoholic, his family members kept offering him booze because they just didn't understand the dynamics of addiction. One thing you can do is get as much information as you can on gambling addiction. Get some books and reading material that explain the signs and symptoms of gambling addiction and offer them to him to read.

None of us wants to be labled as addicts and neither do our family members want to see us as such, no matter what the addiction is, but often that is because people are not informed. Getting help and being informed is the best way you can help educate him to what you are going through and how much you need his support. Meanwhile, keep taking what ever steps you can to keep yourself free from gambling no matter what. Your worth the effort.
SaraLee

[Tiger]

Hi Michelle,

To recover, you have to do what you have to do for "Michelle" - not your husband, family, friends or anyone else!

It's Michelle that feels the guilt, despair and hopelessness - Michelle comes first! or it won't work.

Tiger

[SunnyGirl]

momto7 said:

How do I convince my husband that I have a gambling problem??
He crushed my world today when he confided in a family
member that it's all in my head and that I can quit anytime...I need
his support and I am getting everything but...... Michelle

( ( ( ( Michelle ) ) ) )

Maybe you can try reaching out to people that
understand........ Are you ready to try GA meetings?
This is where you will find people who understand what
you are feeling and are willing to support you in your
recovery.

I have to admit, I spent many years believing that the
addict in my life could quit using drugs if she wanted it
bad enough.

"Honey" has gambled our entire married life together.
I have watched him come home after losing money,
feeling depressed and sick. And then getting up the
next day in desperation, going out again to win it back.

The American Psychiatric Association, defines compulsive
gambling as a " disorder of impulse control." It is an
illness that is chronic and progressive, but it can be
treated.

Just my opinion, but convincing your husband that you
have a problem is the least of your worries. Today, it's
enough that you recognize the problem. The solution
is to get help for yourself......

I found two books that received pretty good reviews:

Compulsive Gamblers
by Author: Mark G. thingyerson

Overcoming Compulsive Gambling
Author: Alex Blaszczynski


Here is the link to GA, lots of information for you to read.

www.gamblersanonymous.org/

There is help and hope for you, but you have to
become willing to go to any length to stop gambling.....
This is done one step and one day at a time!

Keep posting here on the message boards.....
Think of us as your cheerleaders!

Peace on the journey, SG

[Caressa2]

(((Michelle)))

So many people are in denial because they don't want to look at themselves. Often people think, well she can't have a problem, I drink, drug, gamble once in a while myself, and if she has a problem, so do I, maybe I should quit. Heaven forbid, I'm not ready to do that, maybe if I convince her/him she is okay, and tell them they are just fine, then we will al be just.....

It is also called justication and rationalization and their feeling of insecurity and the powerlessness that their love isn't enough, that you had to find something outside of yourself. They take it as their own inadequacy and they don't realize they don't have the power to stop us, and it is only through a spiritual program, with one addict helping another, that we identify, we admit, we heal and come to an acceptance of our problems. We learn to live in the solution instad of the problem.

For me, I don't have a drinking and drugging problem, but I still have a thinking problem because of old tapes, old habits, mixed messages and beliefs that have since proven to be false, and have regained my values and my faith, in myself, in God and in others.

[SunnyGirl]

( ( ( ( Michelle ) ) ) )

Drop us a line when you can, just to let us know
how you are doing. This is a "WE" program, please
know WE are here if you need someone to listen.....

Hugs, SG