REALITY/DENIAL

[Caressa2]

We flood our minds with words! They mesmerize and manipulte us, masking the truth even when it's set down squarely in front of us. To discover the underlying reality, I've learned to listen only to the action.

- Judith M. Knowlton

Letting go of our ability to discern reality is one of the characteristics of addiction. As well-known psychotherapist Marion Woodman says, "In addiction you create a fantasy and try and live there." So often we women (men too) who do too much are gullible on a very deep level. We want to believe what others tell us, and we do not want to have to be on our toes all the time. As a result, we often feel resentful and sad because we find ourselves dealing with illusion and not reality. It's not that we don't perceive reality. We do. We just don't want to have to deal with it. We would rather complain and be hurt. We can always see reality when e take off our filters. And reality is always easier to deal with than fantasy in the long run.

Actions do speak louder than words, and when I believe what others do and do not listen so much to what they say, I feel saner.

- Anne Wilson Schaef
Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much

For many years I ran from reality. My blanket of denial was at times what protected me from things I wasn't able to face. Yet over the years, I have had to shed that blanket, other times, dig it out of the closet and cloak myself again, until such a time as I could handle the situation around me.

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD, but I have known I have suffered from it over the years, but I also know that hiding from the trauma and pretending it isn't there, isn't going to heal it. They say we are only as sick as our secrets. Just for today, I choose not to live in hiding, but be open to receiving help and open enough to express my thoughts and feelings. For me, to do so is to allow and give myself permission to heal.