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Post by lildee on Aug 23, 2004 14:28:59 GMT -5
"Being a sponsor has been an important part of my recovery from growing up with alcoholism/addiction. In fact, as a sponsor I never give as much as I get. For example, seeing a sponsee blossom in the sunshine of encouraging words shows me the importance of being gentle with myself and gives me an opportuniry to practice the comfort-giving spoken of in Tradition Five."
Thought for the Day
In becoming a sponsor, I cultivate a listening heart for others as well as for myself. "The interchange between sponsor and sponsored is a form of communication that will nourish both of you."
Just as many different kinds of people that are in recovery, there are just as many different ways of sponsoring. Some are willing and ready to surrender, some need a gentle nudge along the way, and for some they need a fire lit under them to get moving. Some are always in a state of crisis... whining and complaining but never doing an ounce of work. Just my take but if you want recovery, just as anything in life, you have to work for it. Do the meetings, do the steps and listen to your sponsor. They have been there and if they don't know the answers rest assured they will get them.
Just curious what everyone's take is on sponsoring or being a sponcee?
Love and God Bless
Arlene
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Post by learning on Aug 23, 2004 22:19:14 GMT -5
Hi Lildee,
I would love to hear the answers...before I made the mistake of stopping going to F2F, I was seeking a sponsor and didn't know how.
Learning
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Post by lildee on Aug 24, 2004 13:18:03 GMT -5
Hi Learning,
Some of my first meetings were a real turn off. One was a tea party for a bunch of old ladies who were set in their ways. Another was filled with hearing complaints about the addict and what they should and shouldn't be doing. But I knew that I couldn't do this alone. I looked at my options. Try a different meeting, try another intervention such as a psychiatrist or counselor, or do nothing and suffer, or get super religious and hope that God helps.
I tried the shrink route and boy was I disallusioned. All he was interested in was pumping me full of pills and taking my money. Tried that route for about 3 weeks. I never felt so bad in my whole life. One the verge of suicide. All the drugs were making me even more depressed. I am not saying that all shrinks are bad but this one wasn't working for me and the drugs were doing a number on me.
Suffering alone .... well I guess that is not really an option unless maybe your a masochist and love pain.
At this time in my life religion and God were pretty far away. Even though I started praying again but I still felt uncomfortable with the rules and regulations of the temple. So this option was a sort of choice.
So I searched for another meeting. The "perfect" meeting. Well for me there is no perfect meeting. A meeting is what you make of it. I searched dozens of Alanon meetings, Naranon meetings, open AA meetings. I have come to the conclusion that a good meeting is how much energy you put into it. And how much you are willing to take from that meeting. It is all up to you and how much you want to accept.
During my quest for the "perfect" meeting I went on - line and found several sites offering meetings, support and message boards. That is how I came to EOR. I found it to be just what I needed. A small site with a lot of ESH (Experience, strength, & hope). It was working for me. But there was still the question of a sponsor? and working the Steps? How was I gonna do that on-line? Well I opened my mouth up and asked a few who I thought were "old-timers" if they did any sponsoring on-line. And to my surprise they did. So I had to choose who to pick. Who would I be the most comfortable with as I shared my deepest darkest secrets. I needed the support desperately, and would do just about anything for my recovery. So I chose someone and we began the long ongoing journey to recovery. So it can be done. But be aware that there will always be an element of closeness that is missing from on-line sponsorship. After you have done face to face meetings you will notice the difference. It worked for me and has helped my life get better.
Looking at all the people that I have come across in my quest for meetings I am happy with the choice that I made. My sponsor is still only a phone call away , or an e-mail. I do miss the physical contact of my sponsor, the hugs, and seeing the tears and the body language but I think of it as a trade off.... working a program or doing nothing.
As for choosing a sponsor my best suggestion is to listen to that person for a while. See if their thoughts are similar to yours. If their circumstances are similar to yours. If they have anything to that you can relate to. See if they are spiritual in nature. If they believe in HP (Higher Power) or God. You can meet with them on-line or in person and get to know each other before making a committment. Once you have decided on someone , its simple just ask if they will be your sponsor. They will either say yes or no. I asked several in face to face meetings and they said no.... they had other committments, were working or sponsoring others and couldn't spread themselves that thin. So a no is not reflection of yourself. Just try again. God will put the right person in your path. I am truly grateful that God put the right person in my path. She is well grounded and has years of experience to share. Very religious and a no BS from her she will tell you like it is. I thank God each day for having her in my life. To this day we talk even about the simple everyday stuff.
So Learning, I hope this post will give you some insight into the world of recovery and what's around. It is your recovery and you have to do what works for you. It is your choice, how to do your recovery. On-line, in person or something else. But please the one thing that I ask is that you do something. Fighting these dreaded addictions by yourself will be overwhelming. Do the work, get a sponsor to guide you and work the Steps.
Love and God Bless,
your friend in recovery,
Arlene
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Post by jodilynn on Aug 24, 2004 21:54:18 GMT -5
Hi Learning,
I'm not one to know much about anythign but I know what worked for me...
First I went to many different meetings...made a few of them my home groups...
secondly I looked for some of the things in a sponsor that Lidilee (? I'm new) suggested...same thoughts ...past experiences...values....spirituality.
Thirdly...I went to many functions....wanted to see what folks were like outside of the meetings...and I watched.
After taking into mind a couple of different ones....I took the time to get to know them...conversations...friends...and definately watched their behaviors. I think the most important aspect of all was that they had a working knowledge of the steps AND traditions. This i needed. Then I asked myself a question? Am I needy? I made sure that my sponsor would have time for me, so I chose one would be available to do step work with, have time to chat...and one who was involved in service work.
As I have said ...this worked for me....i think when any of use are looking, we need to ask ourselves what is it we want first in a sponsor and what is it we need.
Again only a suggestion ...just sharing my expereince, strength and hope here....good luck in your endevors.
Jodilynn.
P.s.
Lid...you are definately "DA BOMB"...LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
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Post by jodilynn on Aug 24, 2004 21:55:52 GMT -5
Ok i got it....it's lildee...gotcha
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Post by lildee on Aug 25, 2004 0:12:23 GMT -5
Dearest jodilynn,
just doing what comes with a good 12th step.... spreading the ESH around.
Love keep coming back
lildee
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Post by Lin on Aug 25, 2004 5:20:27 GMT -5
great post! When I foudn my first sponsor I tried the phone list they gave us. I called some. I talked and found who i ws comfortable talking to. I foudn the person who seemed GLAD i called them and pleased to hear from me. At the time her husband was working in my town and they were staying in a hotel for a few months. I asked her to be my TEMPORARy sponsor. She said yes. But her stay was longer, she left and they returned again for a few more months. After that even though she moved back home...several states away, we kept in close contact by phone and letter. Today we do online email, chats, message baords and online meetings. She's still my "spnosor. I have also added a "local" sponsor. I made sure i foudn one who had similar values and was working her steps and lving her program each day. Listening to what they ahve to say is the best way. then talking to them and seing if they are easy to talk to. Some pick one who is very much alike them..and some pick one who is very different. In AlAnon we have people who are there because the alkie is a spouse, sibling, child or parent. So in that case, some look for a person who is related to eh other in the same way, but that's not always necessary.
Finding an online sponsor is more difficult. A f2f one is easier because you can see their eyes and give them the hugs.
A sponsor is one who does not criticise. they offer experience strength andhope. The LISTEn. They answer our questions. a sponsoee is open to suggestions. They are willing to do whatever it takes to get better. They are willing to go in with an open mind and willing to take the needed steps to change.
If you want what i've got, you need to do what I did to get it. make any sense?
Good luck!
LIN
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Post by dg on Aug 25, 2004 14:05:32 GMT -5
It took me a long while to gather the courage to get a sponser mainly because I truly didn't think I needed one and that I could roll in with the steps. I found out that I was wrong, it does take more than just reading up on steps and information. ( for me it was anyways) Once I gather up that gumption to ask someone to be my online sponser I have been grateful ever since. It does take work, it does take time, and it does come with great rewards in the long run. I am still struggling with the steps, but I will never stop, I only hope that my sponser will keep me around for a long while.
Not only that sponser teaches me what I need to know, it does help to know that I am not alone in my program.
Thanks for letting me share.
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~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.