sponsor of spouse?

[Lin]

I have a question and would love to hear input from both sides of the hallway.

Is it fair for a spouse to report to the sponsor of their spouse any misbehaviors on their part? Shoudl a spouse be talking to the sponsor behind their back and telling them things they need to talk to them about?

Should a sponsor ask a spouse to be theri "eyes and ears"? I feel that is asking for an inhouse spy.

I fel it is up tot he spouse to tell their sponsor when something is bothering me. I won't go reporting him and woudl nto appreciate it if he called MY sponsor and reported me.

Mine has relapsed twice int he alst 10 days. I refuse to call his sponsor and tell him. Taht[s totally up to HIM. I migth encourage HIM to tell him, but i wont nag on it. HE has to live with whether or nto he is being honest. Its jsut not my job to go behind his back and tattle.

What do you think? Woudl i be saving him to tell>? or woudl I be buting into busines that is not mine. I think it's butting in and best left up to him to handle or not.

Please let me know.

LIN

[SaraLee]

Hi Lin,
I always had the understanding that the alcoholic's recovery is their responsibility and not ours. Unless the alcoholic is willing to have his partner speak openly to the sponsor, I think it isn't the spouses place to go behind his/her back. But I'd like to hear what AA's have to say on this one.
SaraLee

[dg]

I am not the qualifying person to say if its right or not,
but this is what I believe,
Only if its life threating I would snitch on the person sponser.
I am sure the sponser would want to know if that person is in danger of him/her self in dealing with their problem.


IMHO

[caressa]

I am a firm believer in my program, his program and our program. Ours isn't running to my partner's sponsor and telling tales on him, but I think that if you see them doing something that is harmful to their sobriety, I think we should bring it to attention of our partner and what he or she does with it, is their business.

If a sponsor appraoches me, I won't lie. I would tell the truth as I see it, and I would say "This is what I see." It isn't up to me to sponsor my partner. I have had a couple of relationships were they tend to look to me as sponsor and not share with their own sponsor who seemed to be 'in name only.'

I really need to watch that. I can't live with someone, be sponsor, friend, lover, etc. it is too many hats to wear and I found I end up not doing any of the roles well and have ended up with major resentments, only to find myself at wrong for taking on the role. I am spread to thin, and they become too dependent on me, which isn't healthy for both of us.

[lildee]

As to this question;-

Those that judge don't matter and those that matter don't judge.

You do what works.

nuf said