Time to move on

[SaraLee]

I enjoy reading spiritual books and one theme in most of them is that often a person will go through a great deal of suffering before letting go of something they've held onto for a long time. I also believe that love works but most of the time I think people take the rough road to get to destinations. I certainly have, out of ignorance or lack of knowledge or just plain stubbornness.

I was thinking about this today because I'm still lamenting about not smoking. Yes I have about 6 weeks clean but still wake up every morning looking for a smoke and the same thing after meals and before bedtime and times in-between when the though just pops into my head and with the thoughts of smoking, I cringe and wonder how long this will last and why isn’t it easier.

I'm still feeling the pain of quitting, be it physical or psychological, the pain is still there, or maybe it is more likely suffering that I'm holding onto. I have been going through withdrawal with clinched fists and grinding teeth and have not replaced this habit with thoughts of good health and love streaming into my life. Although I repeatedly tell myself about all the goodness that comes with quitting this nasty habit and have been telling myself I'm using the program steps to stay quit, I have not fully taken it in and embraced it. I have not allowed recovery to seep into my bones and to rejoice in that freedom. My song has been one of sadness instead of joy, of loss rather than love found.

I'm okay with the idea that when I first put down those cigs that I would go through stages of loss, but it's time to move on or I'll stay stuck in the desire to smoke rather than the desire to stay clean. I need to change my attitude and change my thinking and mostly, bring in those good feelings that support being smoke free. It's time to do that and time to stop crying the blues over the loss of a habit that was eating away at my health, my pocket book and my freedom.
SaraLee

[caressa]

Smoking like every addiction is a grieving process.

I know that I went through it, and it doesn't have a time limit, but often takes a year depending on the length time we used each substance.

Time is a big healer. We didn't get addicted overnight, we don't get better overnight. If I put myself into situations were people are smoking, I still get cravings.

[SaraLee]

Thanks Caressa. Yes it will take time and I hear you that even years after, a craving may come back to haunt me. The greiving process is different for everyone and these feelings may surface for a long time. I also know that it is time for me to look more closely at what I can do to bring more positiveness into my thoughts and create positive feelings about quitting which I believe will lessen the withdrawal symptoms and make staying quit easier. Changing attitudes and there by emotions are exactly what I need right now to get me moving thorugh a place where I feel stuck in the darkness of quitting. I will honor the process of quitting and not want more than I can bear to have at any given time and while moving forward and embracing the act of quitting.
SaraLee

[dg]

Morn SaraLee

I wanted to tell you that I am glad you are sticking it out, just think how many milestones you have gone thru just those 6 weeks. Seriously, it may not seem a whole lot, but it really is.
Time does play a big role in our life, and I often think its HP way of nudging us to pay attention to our surroundings and hurdles.
Just take it one day at time, or better yet, one second, as it does get easier w/ time. I too went thru this myself years ago, and altho I don't think of the cravings of a ciggie, I still get the cravings of smoking weed, I guess that is the same thing as thinking of smoking.
Take care.

[SaraLee]

thanks dg, it is quite an accomplishment to quit smoking cigs or weed and I'll keep in mind that it can only be done one day at at time.
Caressa and dg, your success helps keep me going.
SaraLee