Post by lildee on Feb 11, 2005 10:07:25 GMT -5
Hope for Today
I really struggled with the process of finding a sponsor. I felt as if I were asking someone to be my friend. If I had to ask then I didn't really need that kind of friend. However, what I yearned for was someone with whom I could talk deeply and who would receive my confidences with respect and trustworthiness. I finally asked a long-time member from my home group whose sharing often touched me. She told me she would be my sponsor as long as I worked the program.
As we moved through the relationship-building process, my sponsor demonstrated acceptance and love toward me. At that point, I didn't love and accept myself, and here she was giving me the very gifts I was so sure I didn't deserve. I grew to trust my sponsor without hesitation by gauging her reactions as I shared increasingly intimate thoughts and feelings. Each time I revealed a fact I was certain would fill her with disgust, she surprised me by sharing something similar from her past or by asking me a question that framed my behavior in a self-loving light. She never judged or berated me.
I fought her very hard. Sometimes I would pick fights so that maybe she would go away, but she never did. So I kept hanging on because I liked the good feelings that came from being cherished. Eventually, I came to realize that I did deserve to be treated with love and respect, and I started to act accordingly.
Thought for the Day
Asking for help can be hard, but what I miss out on if I don't ask can be even harder.
"In fact, for many of us, the respect and caring we shared with our sponsor grew so great that we hardly recognized the moment when we were saying, 'my sponsor' and thinking. 'my friend'," Sponsorship, What It's All About, p. 2
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I really struggled with the process of finding a sponsor. I felt as if I were asking someone to be my friend. If I had to ask then I didn't really need that kind of friend. However, what I yearned for was someone with whom I could talk deeply and who would receive my confidences with respect and trustworthiness. I finally asked a long-time member from my home group whose sharing often touched me. She told me she would be my sponsor as long as I worked the program.
As we moved through the relationship-building process, my sponsor demonstrated acceptance and love toward me. At that point, I didn't love and accept myself, and here she was giving me the very gifts I was so sure I didn't deserve. I grew to trust my sponsor without hesitation by gauging her reactions as I shared increasingly intimate thoughts and feelings. Each time I revealed a fact I was certain would fill her with disgust, she surprised me by sharing something similar from her past or by asking me a question that framed my behavior in a self-loving light. She never judged or berated me.
I fought her very hard. Sometimes I would pick fights so that maybe she would go away, but she never did. So I kept hanging on because I liked the good feelings that came from being cherished. Eventually, I came to realize that I did deserve to be treated with love and respect, and I started to act accordingly.
Thought for the Day
Asking for help can be hard, but what I miss out on if I don't ask can be even harder.
"In fact, for many of us, the respect and caring we shared with our sponsor grew so great that we hardly recognized the moment when we were saying, 'my sponsor' and thinking. 'my friend'," Sponsorship, What It's All About, p. 2
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.