Readings 7-19 Alanon

[lildee]

CTC
JULY 19

Al-Anon taught me the difference between walls and boundaries. Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time. They let me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself. Today I can say, "No," with love instead of hostility, so it doesn't put an end to my relationships.

I've learned about boundaries from Al-Anon's own set of boundaries: the Twelve Traditions. Although their purpose is to. protect Al-Anon, they actually encourage the growth of the fellowship. This is true of my personal boundaries as well. As I decide what is and isn't acceptable for me, I learn to live protected without walls.

Today's Reminder

Do my defenses keep me safe, or do they isolate me? Today I can love myself enough to look for healthier ways to protect myself, ways that don't close everyone out.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. "

Joseph Fort Newton

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A LIFE OF MY OWN

JULY 19

HAVNG FAITH MEANS LETTING GO

Letting go of the people in our lives is far more difficult than most of us imagine. We have been so preoccupied with their behavior that it's hard to get them off our minds.

Developing a trust in our Higher Power and accepting that each person has a Higher Power can help us let go. But we don't perfect the skill overnight.

Listening to our friends in Twelve Step meetings, particularly to their examples about letting go, will give us insight and hope. Thus there is no reason why we can't meet with success. Our desire to let go, coupled with faith that God will handle others for us, will make the difference in our behavior. It is often said that anything worth having requires hard work. Learning to let go is no exception.

I know my Higher Power is with me today and every day. I need to remember the same is true for all my fiends too. I can have faith and let go.
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THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO

Proving It to Ourselves

July 19

I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me.

- Anonymous


I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how responsible and healthy I was. Then I realized what I was doing. He didn't need to realize how responsible and healthy I was. I did.

- Anonymous

Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we're good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone were understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self defeating behaviors.

They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we are not believing how good we are, that we're good enough, that someone is hurting us.

They can be a warning that we've allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we're stuck in that cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.

Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.

The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing were good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the co dependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself of that point.
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