step 4 question

[Lin]

In AlAnon a step 4 searches for a long list of character defects. It also looks for assets and builds on those strengths. These are also listed in some of the CAl materials on step 4 ( Paths to recovery and Blueprint for progress).

I heard someone say they thought in some of the other programs they only focus on 4 defects...anger, guilt, resentment and fear and they do not focus at all on any assets. I never heard of that. Can anybody confirm or deny if this is tru in programs other than AlAnon?

Lin

[lildee]

I did some calling around to some AA and Ca people here in NY/NJ and this is what I was told.

"We only concentrate on the character defects (fear , resentments, guilt, and anger) that prevent us from reaching God."

Then I was referred to the Seventh Step Prayer that goes as follows:

MY CREATOR. I AM NOW WILLING THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL OF ME, GOOD AND BAD .I PRAY THAT YOU NOW REMOVE FROM ME EVERY SINGLE DEFECT OF CHARACTER WHICH STANDS IN THE WAY OF MY USEFULNESS TO YOU AND MY FELLOWS. GRANT ME STRENGTH, AS I GO OUT FROM HERE, TO DO YOUR BIDDING. AMEN.

And then I was told that if there were other defects that you were to work them out on your own time. As long as you were able to reach God that was enough.

Please note these are NOT my views just what I was told by several different sponsors. Please note that there is no metion of assets except the "good part" in the prayer.

[SunnyGirl]

I was curious about this last night at the meeting...

( ( ( ( Lin and Lildee ) ) ) )

Thanks for sharing this and I'd love to hear a little
more from our friends on the other side of the hall.

Peace on the journey..... ~SG~

[Tiger]

Hi Girls,

Greetings from the other side of the hall ,

IMO traditionaly, the 4th step for the alcoholic deals with character defects however[/u many sponsors ask that some good assets be mentioned. The main purpose of this is that the alcoholic don't get "too down" on his or her self".

I noted some alkies from NY and NJ told you guys the only things an alkie had to work on was "fear, resentments, guilt and anger" and the rest he or she can work on at their convience??

What about "The Seven Deadly Sins" which includes Pride ie: Ego.

I've seen the " alcoholic ego " get as many alkies drunk as resentments.

Sorry, I guess I got carried away but in conclusion, yes, it concentrates on shortcomings but assets can be added for the reason stated above.

Today, there are as many ways to take the 4th step as there are pebbles on a beach but IMO there should always be a column titled "WHY" on both the asset and liability side,,,,,this is the way we get to know "ourselves".

Yours In Service,............Tiger]

[Caressa2]

Wow, I am blown away!!! I have never heard such drivvle in my life!

The Blueprint to Progress is an excellent Step Four format and I had a lady here, who has been in AA for 20+ years confirm this.

When I share, I always tell people that they need to do a Step Four to get rid of the darkness so the light of reason can shine. This means taking an inventory of good and bad, what I need to change, what needs adjusting, what needs improvement, and what needs totally discarded. I looked at it as if I was doing an inventory of a warehouse.

I am a sick person trying to get well, not a bad person trying to get better. I was told to start with a resentment sheet because the whole picture could be very overwhelming. I was also told that for every negative I HAD TO FIND A POSITIVE!!!

In the Big Book it talks about the anger, resentment, guilt and fear because they are the big offenders which often takes people back out if not addressed. A lot of people "stay sick" because they aren't willing to look at themselves. That is why we used in the first place, we could not look and be with ourselves. We have a dis-ease! More than a drinking and drugging problem, I have a thinking problem. I haven't used for twelve years, but I still need to live in today.

I did a Step Four every eighteen months to two years up until I was six years sober, then I did a verbal one with a therapist from then until now; in fact, that reminds me I need to call her and resume our meetings which we dropped over the holiday season.

I have had new "defects" develop that I didn't know had in early recovery. I had new spiritual awakenings and new awareness as a result of working the step, from the time I did the original ones, and I needed to address the issues which I had buried and hadn't been able to look at previously.

For me this is a one day at a time program, that means I work the steps, one day at a time. Some people say ten, eleven and twelve are maintenance steps, and they are, but I had to do a Step Ten in early recovery in order to live long enough to find the courage and lose the fear to do a Fourth Step. The honesty didn't come until later. I had to make a conscious contact with the God of my understanding, in order to work the steps, and that consciousness grew. I had to go to meetings, which for me is Step Twelve work, sharing my experience, strength and hope. I didn't wait until I worked all the steps to work these maintenance steps.

As far as ego goes, I got up to speak at my home group one night and said, "I just found out I have an ego, I thought it was a male thing!" You should have seen the look on the faces in the audience.

[Lin]

Thanks for the replies. I spoke to two friends who have many years of AA. Both of them said the Big book only mentions looking for the defects. It does not mention the assets. But BOTH of them said THEIR sponsors told them to find both.

I guess I jsut assumed..."made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves"...meant our whole self! Not jsut taking stock of what needed to be changed. what abouth those positive assets that we could build on? There is good in everybody. I'd be so down on myself if i only was allowed to look as what needed to be improved.

The Blueprint for Progress is the AlAnon book i used my first time through. It has a very good list of character traits...good and bod. I looked at each one of them carefully and recognized where I was. 6 months later I looked again and found I had improved onmany. That was because I was getting closer to GOD again and I was aware of these things I had been doing. Awareness made it a first step in changing.

This is interesting! I do hope more will reply.

Thanks tiger for your reply. The many pebbles on the beach is right! In my city many of the AlAnons wil only do a 4th step with some printed sheets they got from somebody in AA. There are some who do it with joe and Charley tapes, Some with paths to recovery book, and some with Blueprint for progress. There are other ways, but that's the 4 most popular for AlAnons here. And since AA is much larger than AlAnon..i'd guess there would be many many more ways. No right or wrong way. Just what works best for each of us.

I was jsut curious to learn the Big Book did not mention recognizing our assets. I've read it before..many years ago...but I did not remember that part.

LIN

[Caressa2]

AA does have it's own Fourth Step Guide. One that I saw, which was quite lengthy and very detailed in dealing with emotions was from Adult Children of Alcoholics.

When we come into recovery, most of what we feel is the negative ones and don't know what the good ones are. When we stuff the anger and the hurt, we don't have the luxury of keeping the love and kindness, everything disappears and we become spiritually, emotionally, and mentally bancrupt and well as the physical malady of this disease.

I remember when I was going through a recovery house and this girl would say to me, "But how do you feeeellllllll?" I always wanted to hit her, lash out because I didn't know. I use to respond with, "I don't know, if I did, I wouldn't be asking!"

What I heard most in AA was follow the questions as they are asked in the Big Book in How It Works in chapter five. I also heard a priest who has 50 years in recovery say, this is a today program, the inventory is about today. Things from your past which you are still carrying in today and need to let go of the excess baggage in order to grow and move on in your recovery.

[caressa222]

How can you change if you don't know what is there. We need to take an inventory if what is be it good or not so good so we know what to change, nurture, adjust, and/or reject.

I had a long list of defect and was told by my sponsor to balance the negatives with a positive.

For me, this step is not a one time deal. We often develop new defects, improve the old, a d as our relationship with our Higher Power grows, we become more aware.

We can't know what we have never been taught. We can't undo years of living with a quick fix band aid.