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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 30, 2004 16:52:57 GMT -5
When the addict/alkie first finds 12-step recovery,
the wives and loved ones are filled with happiness.
Reality sets in when, it's suggested they make 90
meetings in 90 days and the staying sober, the steps
and meetings are the most important thing in the
addict/alkies life.
What about the family?
The family life, revolves around meetings and the
entire concept of recovery. There is help for them
at Al-Anon/Nar-Anon, but they didn't ask for any of
this. Have any of you ever wanted to just go back
in time, before they drank or used and stay in that
cocoon of happiness. That place before their loved
one got sick and there was a real family......
I went back and read chaperter's 8 & 9 in the BB
and it helped me with many of the questions I had.
I highly recommend this reading to everyone that
loves an addict/alcoholic.....
For me, finding 12-step recovery, was one of the
best things to ever happen to me. Yes, given my
druthers, I wish my loved ones had never suffered
with the disease of addiction. I wish I had never
"needed", Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. But I am thankful
to God, for leading right where I needed to be......
Peace on the journey...... SG
P.S. For those that want to read chapters 8 and 9
online,here is the linkwww.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 30, 2004 17:06:12 GMT -5
Cycle of Sobriety
Once your loved is sober and in recover, you also
need to understand the Cycle of Sobriety and the
addict’s Sobriety Priority. This will help you to make
sense of the decisions which he or she takes in
everyday life.
Moreover, as recovery progresses, you will find a
"new" person emerging from the shell of addiction.
This may be a wonderful and longed for thing.
However, it can cause relational problems also, as
the person goes through changes, confusion, as
well as mood swings, which are part of recovery.
Possibly, you may find to your surprise that this
"new" person is not what you want or expected.
In a perverse, unconscious way, you may even feel
more secure with the « old » alcoholic/addict you
once knew. Unconsciously, you can contribute to
undermining the person’s recovery, if you are not
careful, or you may come to decide to separate from
him or her.
You will find that YOU also will begin to change as
you become free of a direct relationship with an
active alcoholic/addict. You can begin to change and
grow and find a « new » person within yourself, with
a clearer idea of your own needs and direction.
SOS will help you to understand better many of these
processes taking place in your loved one, yourself
and your relationship. This will arm you to deal and
cope with the wonderful, but often complex road of
recovery for YOU and your loved one.
This information was found at:
www.sosdallas.org/family_friends.htm
Great stuff to read here..... SG
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Post by lildee on Jan 30, 2004 21:45:05 GMT -5
Thanks for the thoughtful posts SunnyGirl.
Love and God Bless
Arlene
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Post by Lin on Feb 15, 2004 8:16:32 GMT -5
It is important to remember that jsut because our loved ones get sober, our problems are not over. When they were di=rinking they were never home. Now that they go to so many meatings they are never home. I had to look at that by asking what condition i'd rather he arrive home in and I picked the latter. i had to use accpetance that he needed the meetings to stay sober. I used this info to adjsut to the fact that was the best plan for both of us.
LIN
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Post by Tiger on Feb 15, 2004 11:03:28 GMT -5
Hi Lin, It's been my observation that after a year or two most alkies cut back on the # of f2f meetings thay make.
It's like a wheel - the axel remains AA but as time goes by, they spend more time out on the spokes!
Tiger
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Post by Lin on Feb 15, 2004 12:02:36 GMT -5
I agree Tiger. Mine cut back from his 90 in 90 right after the first 90 days. He went to three. Now it is 2 and it's been 3 years. I also cut back. I was going to 90 in 90 of some kind of meeting when I found recovery. And i cut back to 4 a week the first few years...then do 2 a week for a few years..then I found online and now I do 1 f2f a wek and 3 or 4 online ones. But at least I dont have to leave home for thesse.
Thanks tiger!
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 29, 2014 22:27:36 GMT -5
An alcoholic/addict can not guarantee his/her sobriety. It is a one day at a time program. It is suggested that they do 90 meetings in 90 days, but that isn't the program. That is suggested to them, so they can find a home group and a sponsor. That is only the beginning, and recovery is a way of life. Alcoholism and addiction is a disease. Whether you call it an allergy of the body and an obsessive/compulsive disorder, as I often say, I was at dis-ease within myself, always looking for some person, place, or thing outside of myself to make me feel better. Which means me, the alcoholic/addict's wife/husband, and friend, relative, lover, or co-worker, etc. receptive to this same dis-ease. If I look to this person to fulfill my needs when they can't help themselves, or I try to fix them and make them all better, especially when it makes me feel better to do it, then I just may have a few codependent issues and anxiety disorders if I can't live my life without someone else to do my living for me. We tend to look at the alcoholic/addict, when in fact, many times, we are as sick if not sicker than they are. So now they are sober, what now? What now? Give thanks? What do you do? Go to Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, perhaps, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), ACoA (Adult Children of Alcholics), or perhaps, just maybe you have a drinking and drug problem too, maybe you just use a different substance. Are you comparing instead of identifying? I was a highly functional drunk, I could walk a straight line. I could stay on my own side of the road and not get pulled over. The cops followed me home and never pulled me over. People said they never said they never saw me drunk. They didn't know I was drunk until I opened my mouth and gave myself away!  I was so busy pointing the finger at my dad, my mother, my son, my uncles, my boss, and the list goes on, and on that I didn't have a finger left to point at me. I finally didn't have anyone left around me to point a finger at, and all I was left with was me and I had to face myself. It was not a pretty sight. I went to AA for my denial. I went to NA for identification. I went to Al-Anon to find myself. I went to ACoA, and found gratitude that I didn't go there first, if I had gone there instead of AA, I probably would have stayed in my denial and died. Let it begin with me. They're sober! So am I! |
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Post by monty on Feb 7, 2015 1:43:35 GMT -5
I now live a clean and happy life. I got my family back, I got a job and enjoy hanging out with my new friends. I’m really grateful that I end my suffering, that’s why I’m here to share my experience and thoughts to inspire others that also suffering from addiction. Like the guy that I’m talking about, he now in the process of recovery, after a week of searching some stuff about rehab treatment and alcohol intervention, he finally found a good rehab center near Colorado. I always motivate him to continue his recovery, telling him some motivational word and giving him some advice based on my experience. If someone here is in need of help or advice, please don’t hesitate to ask me, I’m willing to help. Have a sober life everyone! |
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Post by Lin on Feb 10, 2015 14:34:26 GMT -5
Good to hear from you Monty.
The place where I go for coffee every day had a girl who worked there for over a year. I thought she was so cool. Such a good worker. She shared with me that she had been an addict and went to treatment and was doing GREAT. After about a year of that she stopped going to the meeting. Maybe it's just a one year aftercare. It was not 12 step based. It was church sponsored. Then she was suddenly a "no call no show" for work. just did not show up. Would not answer calls. Did not pick up lat check or return keys. We all figured she was back on drugs. That was over 6 months ago. Sunday of this week she was in an accident before 11 Am. She ran a stop sign and t-boned a car. She had no license. No insurance. Ran from the scene. High blood alcohol level. The caught her and arrested her. Not sure how much all of those charges will earn her. Sad. I really liked her and hate to see what drugs and drinking can do to such a nice lady.
Sometimes sobriety lasts. Sometimes it does not.
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 10, 2015 15:12:05 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing. A good example of how the program is one day at a time and take maintenance. I am given daily reprieve and I know for me, that I need the program just a much in today as I did when I walked into a recovery house on November 2, 1991. My dry date is August 21, 1991. Yet having saying that, I need the program, just as much in today as I did then, due to my chronic pain as well as the nature of my disease.
The disease never goes away, I do. So if I struggle with my program, it is because I allow my disease to have a foot hold into my life. My only defense is my spiritual condition and my ability to reach out to my God before I reach out to my drug of choice (which can just about anything that looks good in the moment). Alcohol and drugs are but a symptom of my disease, the problem is me and my thinking. Especially my thinking that says I am just fine, and I am all better and I don't need meetings and I don't need to work the Steps any more. A sure fire attitude which will lead me to a downward spiral that can lead me to a slippery path to relapse.
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Post by monty on Mar 5, 2015 3:07:27 GMT -5
Thank you Lin. Sorry to hear about your girl. How I wish my sobriety will last forever.
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 6, 2015 2:19:30 GMT -5
Good to see you here Monty. We do this one day at a time. When we think forever, it is overwhelming and seems impossible. Just for today, I choose not to use. When I made the decision to quit, my day started at 2:30 p.m. and didn't wait until midnight to finish my day, I reached out and asked for help. I made my decision and 2:31 p.m. was the beginning of my new day.  |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.