A question

[SaraLee]

Not sure if this should have gone here or in the general recovery section but something has been bothering me and I feel like a newbie asking this but here goes.

Is it a program assumption that people who begin using or are using addictive substances are *always* running and hiding from something in their life or that something is missing or lacking in their life?

I’m not sure if I’m being clear here, so here’s an example. I smoke. I am aware that cigarettes are addictive. I know the potential effects of smoking. I know I did not start smoking for the above mentioned reasons. I also don’t see that I continue to light up as an escape from some personal or emotional problems.

Can we lump all people who use addictive substances into the same role?

Thanks.
SaraLee

[Lin]

excellent question and excellent example. I'd love to find out the answer to this one too!

LIN

[SunnyGirl]

Can we lump all people who use addictive
substances into the same role?

Just my opinion, but I would have to say no.....
I think most people who have substance abuse
problems, started for reasons much different than
the ones they run into later as they become a slave
to their disease.

I began smoking cigarettes at 15 because I thought
I looked more grown up and mature. Today it is as
much the habit as the addiction to nicotene that keeps
me hooked. I don't feel I am trying to escape from
anything when I light up, in fact I normally light up
with out even thinking, as opposed to a craving
or deeper psychological need.


I'd love to hear what others have to say on this.....

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa]

Well for me personally, I wasn't aware. I started smoking at 17. It was forbidden and it was hidden. Even when I was married at 21, my husband took a small pack of Rothman's and squished it up and threw it in the garbage. I picked up the butts and smoked them. When it affected my health, I knew I should quit but didn't really have the desire even though I was smoking almost two packs a day. So I prayed for the willingness to have the willingness to quit. I stopped for six days and picked up again out of fear because I was afraid I was going to put on weight. For me to gain weight is to die. When I put a cigarette in my mouth I lose my desire in the moment to eat.

It took me almost a year to come to a spiritual decision to quit. I wanted to be a clean channel and carry a clean message of recovery. I used my Twleve Step Program and when I quit, I lost three pounds.

The longer I stayed clean from cigarettes, I became aware of feelings that I never 'allowed' myself to feel. There was anger, resentment, abandonment, rejection, fears, and memories I had erased from my mind. I started getting body memories and remember whens that had never surfaced. I was seven years clean and sober when I quit cigarettes. I quit cigarettes five years ago. Since I have been coming here, new memories and feelings from my childhood have been surfacing. EoR has been good for me because it has given me new awareness and new insight into myself.

Recovery for me is about me getting to know me. Any substance, which stands between me and God, and being the kind of person God would have be is using something to look for something outside of myself to make me happy. God supplies my needs, my wants and sometimes my desires. He is my center and through Him, I have found my wholeness. Today anything that is obsessive, compulsive is an addiction. Some is good, more is better.

I have found myself reaching for the telephone for the fourth time and realized that I was using other people to escape me looking at me and making my own decision. I didn't want to be alone with me. I have reached for the third plate of stew, it was really good. I was full and I didn't need it, and I knew I was stuffing my feelings. I didn't want to do housework, a friend called, I went shopping and spent $40. of money I should have used on my telephone bill. I ended up making a partial payment and having to pay extra next month. It is difficult to play catch up when you are on limited income. It all leads to the same soul sickness for me.

In today, it is about how far I let it go. Because of my program, today I am aware and I am given freedom of choice to change it.

A friend took me to the Casino. I felt the buzz just walking in the door. It was awesome. I instantly knew it was not a good place for me. Even the whole scenario was suspect. He picked me up at 11 p.m. at night. At 5 a.m. in the morning, he chose to look at the time. On the way home he said, I am really tired. We are both adults, why don't we get a hotel room.

My response was, you got me here, you get me home. I said, "Roll down the window (it was winter), put on the music and I will 'talk' and if you can't drive I will. My license is expired, but I know how to drive. He got me home.

Not sure this answers your question. But I just described how I felt when I was using pills and alcohol, yet neither is mentioned above. Pills and alcohol aren't my problem. I don't have a drinking and drug problem today, I haven't used for twelve years. I suffer from a thinking problem, the disease of obsession and compulsion, some is good, more is better. The concept of just one isn't a normal pattern for me in regard to anything. i.e. Just one more post, just one more chip, just one more e-mail, just one more taste, just one more sip, just one more token, etc.

[lildee]

Hi SaraLee,

"Is it a program assumption that people who begin using or are using addictive substances are *always* running and hiding from something in their life or that something is missing or lacking in their life?"

No question is ever unimportant. Knowledge is power.

I can only share what I have seen between my hubby and myself.

For my hubby it wasn't a matter of running or hiding. It was more a matter of escaping. Fleeing from reality. Within a period of two years his entire family was wiped out. All dead. He was still in his macho man image. Men don't cry and all that goes with it. Plus there were some body image issues, and nonsense going on at work. So his choice was to use. In his case I think a lot of his concerns and problems came from the fact that he was unable to communicate his deepest inner feelings. And everything was pent up and he wanted to escape. Today that he is in recovery I see a difference. He is a lot more open about discussing feelings. So in his case opening the doors for communication helped make a difference. The other thing that may have added to his problems was that there was no spirituality. He like many others had put God up on a shelf and drugs became his new God. Now there is trust and belief in HP.

I know in CA where hubby goes, the reason why they started is unimportant. What is important is that they are trying to get help. As far as his program is concerned there are no assumptions made if they are running , hiding or lacking. The way I see it each person has a different reason for using. Some like mine used to escape, some used to deal with stress, some used to be part of a group. With each person the reason is different. Some will never know the reason why they started. But as far as his program goes the assumption is they fell into this trap because they lacked spirituality. Because in the end that is what we all are seeking.

Love and God Bless,
Arlene

[caressa]

So true Lildee, no matter what program you are in, we are all searching for a spiritual soluton. It is the answer. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped.

For me it has been breaking old patterns and behaviors. When I quit cigarettes, I had to do that before I put down the cigarettes. It was the habits that went along with it that made it difficult to quit. I had to break the cycles because I got to a stage where I would light one up and not even remember doing it.

My intent was there, I was going to quit after the next time, only the next time never came. When I quit smoking, I tried to get the hours and cigarettes to sync but it never happened. I smoked my last cigarette at 2:15 p.m. on December 21st, 1999. My day started 2:30 p.m. and I made the decision to quit, one day at a time. I went to meetings, I collected key tags. I used the 12 Steps and my recovery program to quit.

I use the 12 Steps to deal with my chronic pain. I am not addicted to chronic pain, but it is there and they are a tool which makes my life manageable when I apply my program in all areas of my life. Whether it is the powerless over my son's addiction or my own, the common solution is a Higher Power. I can't, we can!

[SaraLee]

Thanks everyone. I was talking to my neighbor one day about smoking and she tells me she delights in smoking 12 cigarettes a day and has no desire to quit, sees no reason to quit and is quite content to continue with her cigs in hand each day. I believe her. I don't think she has any qualms about smoking.

After reading all the responses above, and perhaps because I asked the question in the first place, quitting has been on my mind and smoking is bothering my sense of peace and tranquility and I am feeling like cigarettes have become a noose around my neck in a lot of ways.

I have tried to tell myself that this is NOT a spiritual matter, but after reading your posts (and thank you for sharing), if smoking is interfering with my peace of mind, then I may be trying to fool myself and trying to ignore a trap I've gotten myself into. Common sense tells me that be it a spiritual thing or not, if smoking has become more of a negative than a positive in my life, then it’s time to do something about it.
SaraLee

[caressa]

Dear SaraLee,

I have a friend who smokes three cigarettes a day. No more, although sometimes less. She herself admits though, "If you told her to quit smoking those three cigarettes and took them away she would be frantic!"

It isn't how much you use, it is what it does to you. I had people tell me if they drank the way I did, they would still be out there drinking. Yet I was only governed by the amount that was available. The drinking wasn't the problem, it was the thinking behind it. I could walk a straight line, I didn't pass out, but I was the one with the resentment when the booze was all gone, my dad and my husband were passed out, and I wanted 'more' and why did those drunken fools drink it all when they couldn't handle it why didn't they leave it for me! I could out drink them both, but I didn't have a problem, "I was in control!"

[SaraLee]

HI Caressa,
I see your point. Thanks.
SaraLee

[dg]

I started smoking at the age of 14, and it was because at that time, the other kids were doing it, hanging out with them, passing ciggies around among each other seemed ok at the time. But deep down I wasn't "into" it. I did quit off and on for years down the road.
Quit when I had my children, then when my cousin died, we were very very close, I lit it up again. Maybe it was anger.. that triggered it.
By that time, it was the late 70's, I started to use drugs, so that of course came hand in hand for me. My starting drugs and pills is because I had alot of anger in me over so many things ranging from my childhood, to wanting to express myself, the bottom line is I picked up and it went out of control.By 82, I decided, to quit drugs, went cold turkey, and ended up being real sick~ very sick in the process of it and I was still smoking, I ended up with a severe case of brochitist, knew then I had to quit. so with me quitting drugs & cigerettes. I haven't picked up since.
I really think that its a personal choice and yet the nicotine does have strong addiction substance in it, that it can be just like doing drugs and can't put it down.
Like any drug or alcohol user, its up to the person do decide to put it down and not pick it up again.
The will is there, it boils down to this. How bad to want to stop? that counts.

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing DG, cigarettes were harder to come off of than the booze and pills although detoxing from the pills was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It was a living hell. I don't crave drugs and alcohol, but after five years I still have major cravings for cigarettes. Any kind of smoke triggers it, and I don't know if I am allergic or just sensitive to it. Yesterday we had a big fire in our area and I had trouble breathing all evening and have felt lethargic and my breathing has been shallow since.

Love always,

Caressa

[Lin]

I've heard that many times caressa. Stopping cigarettes was harder than most other addictions.

My mom smoked 4 packs a day when she went to the doctor with the hacking cough. A chest x-ray and biopsy showed advanced lung cancer. She finished the pack she was on and never looked back. She used no patches or gums. She jsut knew she had to stop if she wanted even one more day with her family. She lived another year and a half. I also have sensitivity/allergies to smoke. After watching her die, I know I'd never smoke even if I did not have the allergies.

LIN

[SunnyGirl]

Ron always said......

"The toughest addiction to kick is the one you have today!"

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa222]

We all react differently. I feel a drug is a drug, and there are some deadly ones out there.

I am allergic to smoke, not cigarettes and there are times now at 29 years clean and sober, I think a cigarette would be good right now.

I had a choice when I came into recovery.. Live or die, I chose life. My doctor put me on inhalers so I could continue to smoke when I told him I wanted to quit cigarettes. He said to stop all three would kill me. It wS difficult to quit smoking. I had to stop drinking coffee for many years because they belonged together. Vanilla was a big trigger because the bottle use to sit beside the coffee pot.

Because of my chronic pain, I have to remember that the body manufactures the pain to tell you that you need more.

[joeykins]

Today was a hard day I had to say goodbye to majestyjo and caressa same person Joanne K was an amazing friend mother figure and Sponsor I really wish we had more time with her shes touched soo many in her 30 years of sobriety if you knew her and would like to post a few words or memories please visit the link below.

www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/hamilton-on/joanne-kitchen-10215005

[BW]

Hi Sara Lee

There are several schools of thought on this topic. It really is a personal choice. If it is bothering you then I think God or your Higher Power could be telling you something. That has bee my experience. 

One thing I was told was that the only thing I need to change is everything. For me, there are no exceptions to that everything. Another person might say: "Your body is a temple and you are destroying that temple by what you put in your mouth.

I was also told you have all the answers inside of you, you just have to uncover them.

My suggestion is to pray about it and the answers will come