Alcholic or not?

[dg]

Hi,

I was going to post this in the AA section, then I thought this might be a good place to post as its a question I have been wondering. Its been on my mind for a while, and topic has been brought up with my 2 children ages 26 and 28.

They are weekend drinkers. They have told me how they party sometimes, and get hammered. It dawned to me that they are heading to become a alcholic BUT the question is.. ARE THEY? They don't drink during the week, not hard liquer, but daughter and her hubby belongs to a wine club, so they drink wine during the week, then when the weekend comes.. Friday, Saturday, they go out to clubs or home to drink hard liquer.
I have told my son, that the way that they party like that is a sure sign path to becoming a alcohlics, his reply was "we aren't alcoholics, cuz we only do it on weekends. And that his sister was not one.
Please tell me if I am wrong or right.
I don't want to become a worrywart.
Just what excatly draws a line on this kind of thing?
Thanks.

[lildee]

Dearest Dg,

The following are the questions from the official Alanon website.


Are You Troubled by Someone's Drinking?
Al-Anon Is for You!
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close.
These 20 questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon.


1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?


2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?


3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?


4. Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?


5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?


6. Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?


7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?


8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?


9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?


10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?


11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?


12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?


13. Do you search for hidden alcohol?


14. Do you ever ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?


15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?


16. Do you feel like a failure because you can't control the drinking?


17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?


18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?


19. Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?


20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may be able to help you.

You can contact Al-Anon or Alateen by finding a local number in the Meeting Info section of this website, checking your local telephone directory, or by calling 1-888-4AL-ANON (888-425-2666), 8am to 6pm ET, Monday through Friday.

Copyright Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. ©1980
Are You Troubled By Someone's Drinking (S-17)

[SunnyGirl]

Good Morning Dg......

I think the best way to answer your question is
to keep it simple. In an AA pamphlet called
"A NEW COMER ASKS"......

Am I an alcoholic?

If you repeatedly drink more than you intend or want
to, if you get into trouble, or if you have memory lapses
when you drink, you may be an alcoholic. Only you can
decide. No one in A.A. will tell you whether you are or
not. (Copyright © by The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I refer to my son as a weekend warrior, he does not
drink during the week. He does not feel he is an alkie!
His drinking has caused many problems in his life and
in my heart I do believe he is an alcoholic. My opinion
does not change a thing! I don't nag him and I stay
out of his business. He doesn't want to hear his mom
lecturing him about this or any other part of HIS
business. He is in my prayers, I can not change him,
cure him and his drinking was not caused by me. I
use the tools of Al-Anon/Nar-Anon and let go with love.

Keep the faith, SG

[Caressa2]

Tell them they can't drink anything for a week is a good sign. But it isn't how much you drink, it is what it does to you when you do drink it.

I had a friend who got totally drunk and bombed right out of shape on two beers, and was still walking around after twenty.

Another friend, got drunk on half a beer. She got stoned on Neo Citron.

I drank twenty drinks and if you didn't know me, you wouldn't have known I was drunk. My son said, "Mom, I never saw you drunk!" Which means, he never saw me sober.

There is no such thing as being a little bit alcoholic, it is like being a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you aren't, but the decision has to come from the individual. My son was a self-admitted alcoholic depending on the day you ask him, in the last year he hasn't had much doubt; and as a result, he is in the controlling stage. As long as he has his pot, he doesn't worry too much about whether he has his beer or not.

[MrDuck]

Seems like a lot of people knew I was alcoholic before I did. It is not quanity that one drinks that determines if one is alcoholic. At least not in my book. My definition of an alcholic is this: "If drinking causes a proplem in your life then you have a problem with drinking." Not very many people have I ever meet that can party like hell on the weekend with out some kind of problems coming from it, being marrital, financial or legal problems. If some one can without problems, then my hat is off to them and they are not alcoholic to me. And what someone tells me about how happy their lives are and how good they are doing may or may not be true. I don't know what goes on behind close doors.

From what you have said I do believe your concerns are genuine with good cause. But untill the alcoholic finds a bottom there isn't much one can do for them but pray and be honest with them with out hagging.

So much for my 2 cents on the matter.

Happy Easter to you Donna and wish you the best.

Ron

[dg]

MR Duck. ;D Its so good to see you posting again. I sure miss your ESH.
I thank all of you for your replies. I think I deep down I kinda knew that this whole thing is totally based on MYOB with my kids.. and let go as I have to do with my hubby the A in my life as well.
my daughter just a few weeks ago told me that she was not drinking for a while, "as part of her diet plan". so, maybe in reality is.. she is concerned with it too. I just hope for the best for my kids.

[Caressa2]

Was reeading this, and I had the thought of "How often I did have a problem!" but never thought it was the alcohol that caused it. It was always someone or something else that was a contributing factor. Like my boss didn't pay me enough, or would be able to pay my bills (never mind the fact that I drank it), or it was my husand's fault because he drank so much he passed out and there was nothing left for me when I wanted it, if he wasn't such an offensive lush, then my life would be so much better, if my family didn't cause me so much stress, then I wouldn't need to take pills to calm my nerves and cure my headaches. (The body manufactures the pain to tell you that you need more!) Great antidote - take two 222s with your last drink so you wouldn't wake up in the morning with a hangover!

[caressa222]

There is a solution. I could stop, but not stay stopped until found the 12 Steps and the fellowships of AA, NA, ACOA, and Al-Anon.

I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. There was no CODA meetings near me.

I qualify for just about any room you want to put me in.