Post by caressa on May 13, 2009 3:33:00 GMT -5
Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things which only the individual can do. All by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only one who can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to do this is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will.
The principle of the Third Step is willingness. I had the willingness to not go back to where I came from. What I had to have to work this Step was to be willing to do what was suggested to me. I can remember thinking, "They say there is a program, but no one will tell me what it is!" No one is giving me directions and telling me what to do other than to keep coming back. I had to be willing to do for myself and not expect others to do it for me.
It was my willingness to keep going to meetings. It was my willingness to listen. It was my willingness to learn from what I heard. I had to be willing to have that open mind. I had to be willing to make changes in my life. I had to be willing to trust a Higher Power although I still didn't have a true understanding of who He was. I knew He was there, in the room and working in my life, because I was staying clean and sober. That in itself was a miracle. I had to be willing to continue on to the remaining Steps. I hadn't taken any action, yet. All I had done was to accept the fact that I had a disease, I had gotten honest to the best of my ability, and I had opened my mind to other ideas other than my own. What more of a miracle did you want?
I call it the One, Two, Three Waltz. I can't, God can, and just for today I choose to let Him. That is the basis for my recovery. I acknowledge that fact every morning and have continued to do so for several twenty-four hours. Without that faith in the program, I am not capable of being honest and working the other Steps. I fall short of what it takes to be truly honest with myself, how can I be honest with you.
Many people know they are alcoholics. My son knows he is an alcoholic. He does not care. I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I didn't care for myself. Why shouldn't I put myself into the care of a loving, forgiving, compassionate, and esteemable Higher Power.
For me, faith is another principle of this Step. I have faith in the program and a beginning of a faith in my Higher Power, which gives me a little faith in myself, that I can make the Steps work for me and I can change and find this thing called Serenity and Sobriety. My sponsor says, "Sobriety means soundness of mind. It isn't a word meant just for alcoholics, it applies to all substance abuse." When I am in a unhealthy relationship, I can not maintaine soundness of mind. When I am stuffing food, it is generally because my mind is wanting to shut off and not think about what needs to be addressed in the moment. When I get involved in work, be it a job, volunteering, the internet, etc. it keeps my mind busy so I don't have to look at myself. It is so much easier to get addicted to busy and not allow myself to just be, and let things happen as they may. Trying to make things happen keeps me looking outside of myself, so I don't have to look within.
I love the last line of this quote. It has been constant vigilance for me. I have a disease that says I am just 'fine' that is just waiting for me to give it an inch and go back to the stinking thinking, "I wasn't so bad. People were a whole lost worse than me. I didn't do what they did! Yet! I start to compare instead of identifying. I have to get honest. I can't really change until such a time as I make a decision to do a Step Four to see what I need to do to change. What no longer works for me in today? What behaviors have I continued to act out in and not been willing to let go of? What is blocking me from continuing on with the program?
I need to get replace the fear so I can walk in faith and know that my Higher Power will see me through it. I was told that I couldn't do a proper Fourth Step until I had found the willingness to have faith in my Higher Power.
To be continued...