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Post by caressa on Jun 12, 2005 10:02:16 GMT -5
Step Three
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, and looking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which is an inscription. It reads: "This is the way to a faith that works." In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflection.
We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but we also perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. itself, is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action; they required only acceptance.
Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God--or, if you like, a Higher Power--into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore our problem now becomes just how and by what specific means shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three represents our first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestly we have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, this Step looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is?
Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal misgivings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin to do it. We can further add that a beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness.
Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, something like Einstein's theory of relativity or a proposition in nuclear physics. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical it actually is. Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three.
Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has
decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved to cast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alcohol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it?
But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly will, "Yes,
respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintain my independence. Nothing is going to turn me into a nonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut." This, of course, is the process by which instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore dependence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.
Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence at the level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to discover how dependent we really are, and how unconscious of that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiring carrying power and light to its interior. We are delighted with this dependence; our main hope is that nothing will ever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our dependence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselves more independent personally. Not only are we more independent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Power flows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity, that strange energy so few people understand, meets our simplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Ask the polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who depends with complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of life in him.
But the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how
differently we behave. How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters. Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, sounds good in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.
Should his own image in the mirror be too awful to contemplate (and it usually is), he might first take a look at the results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency. Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, society breaking up into warring fragments. Each fragment says to the others, "We are right and you are wrong." Every such pressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously imposes its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thing is being done on an individual basis. The sum of all this mighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than before. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off. Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin.
Therefore, we who are alcoholics can consider ourselves fortunate indeed. Each of us has had his own near-fatal encounter with the juggernaut of self-will, and has suffered enough under its weight to be willing to look for something better. So it is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power.
We realize that the word "dependence" is as distasteful to many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alcoholics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware that there are wrong forms of dependence. We have experienced many of them. No adult man or woman, for example, should be in too much emotional dependence upon a parent. They should have been weaned long before, and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact. This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a rebellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sort must be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon an A.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced any baleful results.
When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major
test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'s safe at home did. They were just as capable of endurance and valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on the Salerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependence was their chief source of strength.
So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turn his will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made a beginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely upon A.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now, though, the chances are that he has become convinced that he has more problems than alcohol, and that some of these refuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determination and courage he can muster. They simply will not budge; they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his newfound sobriety. Our friend is still victimized by remorse and guilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpowers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates. His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takes over when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcohol burned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten out that awful jam that cost him the affection of his family and separated him from them? His lone courage and unaided will cannot do it. Surely he must now depend upon Somebody or Something else.
At first that "somebody" is likely to be his closest A.A. friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles, now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to kill the pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor points out that our friend's life is still unmanageable even though he is sober, that after all, only a bare start on A.A.'s program has been made. More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in. Nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way of life can bring the much-desired result.
Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things which only the individual can do. A11
by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only one who can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to do this is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will.
It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.
Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to changethe things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."
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Post by caressa on Jun 12, 2005 10:03:15 GMT -5
We are now at Step Three: Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do thy will always."
It has been my practice to add, "Thy will, not Mine, be done. Amen!"
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Post by Lin on Jun 12, 2005 13:27:48 GMT -5
I also say that..thy will...not mine be done.
It took me a little bit to get to this step. I had to get comfortable trusting my HP again after many years of shutting Him out. Once I found my way back, it was as if i'd never left. And by giving HIM the outcomes of me day, and promising to do the legwork, I was able to move on in my recovery.
LIN
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Post by caressa on Jun 12, 2005 14:04:34 GMT -5
All we are asked to do is make a decision. What kind of decision? To put ourselves into the care of God, not turn over everything to Him and expect Him to do it all for us.
A long-timer told me, I make the decision to work the program, and the program is to continue on with the next step to change and recovery. So many people stop here, instead of realizing it is the stepping stone to the next step. The foundation and the Step that takes the fear out of the Fourth Step and turns it into faith that we can continue on our inward journey.
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Post by caressa on Jun 15, 2005 7:52:56 GMT -5
When I walked through the doors, I took Step One. As I continued to go to meetings, I came to and realized how drugs, alcohol and men weren't my problem. I was. I came to believe that the program would work for me. I had to find a Higher Power, a source outside of myself to give me the guidance and the direction I need to live my life clean and sober.
I lived my life through other people. I was always looking for validation and affirmation for my right to be. Through the grace of God and the Fellowship of the Spirit, it is okay to be me. I can make the decisions I need for my own health and well being. All I had to do was be honest, keep an open mind, and be willing to do what it takes to get through this twenty-four hours.
My best thinking and actions got me to the doors of recovery. Each morning I do the 3-Step Waltz. I] I can't, II] God can, III] Just for today, I make the decision to let Him.
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Post by dg on Jun 15, 2005 9:42:13 GMT -5
Just those three statements, makes it more possible for me to turn my will over to my HP, and help me deal with my own recovery a little better. Thanks Caressa for this step reading.  |
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Post by caressa on Jun 16, 2005 11:43:43 GMT -5
This is a very empowering statement for me. It is so easy to get caught up in chaos and allow my brain to chatter when I am trying to make a decision. It gets busy with the "should I?" "could I?" "Yes!" "No!" and this Step tells me to still my mind, listen for the quiet and the answers will come to me. I can't hear if I am so busy caught up on the outside to listen to the inside.
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Post by caressa on Jun 17, 2005 7:54:19 GMT -5
Willingness is the key to this step. Often I had to pray for the willingness to be willing. Lack of patience and intolerance can shut that door and because I want everything yesterday, I take steps before true direction is there. I was told by a spiritual advisor that if there is doubt and you can't seem to have clear vision as to what to do, then stop and don't. The timing isn't right.
When the timing is right, you will know. God meets my needs, sometimes my wants and desires too.
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Post by caressa on Jun 18, 2005 14:58:44 GMT -5
Again, the Step One, Two, Three Waltz. The beginning of moving forward and using the program to heal and to recover. I stayed sober on the first three Steps, I obtained Sobriety on Steps Four to Nine, and maintian my Sobriety on Steps Ten to Twelve.
Everytime I go through a change, I need to go back to Step One and begin a new process with each new awareness. As I grow in awareness and my perception became clearer, I recognize old tapes and old habits that have continued to cling on too that I need to let go. Time is a great healer. I didn't get sick overnight, I don't heal overnight. The program promises me that I will get better if I rightly apply myself to the program.
Just for today, I choose to stay clean and sober.
Just for today, I choose to ask for daily guidance and direction I need to live free from the bondage of self and addiction.
Just for today, I will be the best me I can be!
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Post by caressa on Jul 7, 2007 10:34:16 GMT -5
All Step Three asks of us is to make a decision. For me, it was a decision to stay in recovery and work the rest of the Steps, and be accepting of the program.
I came, I came to, I came to believe....
Decision making was always difficult. Of course, I even made it more so. Those old tapes can be killers and stop me from moving forward with my life. i.e. Who are you to know? What makes you think your thoughts matter? If you weren't so stupid....!
I am sure you can all add to the list. I was told in early recovery that I needed to make new tapes. I was the one who pushed the play button, I could also make the decision to stop!
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Post by stickmonkey on Jul 12, 2007 14:53:28 GMT -5
We made a decision to turn our will & our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
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Read Step Three out of the Basic Text every day before writing.
Read Step Three out of It Works, How & Why.
Write down your definition of each word in the step, then look up each word individually in the dictionary & write what you learn about the difference between what you thought it meant & what the dictionary says it means.
Write what each part means to you:
We made
a decision
to turn our will
and our lives
over to the care of God
as we understood him.
Write in detail about your concept of a Higher Power.
Write out every time you felt God's presence in recovery & while using.
Write out 24 things you have to be grateful for today.
Every day write about events that you thought about longer than you needed to & the events that you left in God's hands.
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This step has often been referred to as the stumbling block of recovery. Many of us get stuck here & just can't seem to move on. This is due to our tendency, as addicts, to take something that is simple & complicate it. Simplifying the process requires only that we be willing & open-minded. Our fears can be eased by breaking the step down into smaller parts.
With that in mind, let's look at this step, beginning with the word "decision." What is a decision? "Decision" is an action word, it is a beginning, a starting point. While the first two steps were reflective, requiring only acceptance, Step Three calls for affirmative action. We let go of our old mind-sets & let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives, as we make mistakes & grow in spiritual principles. Surrender & willingness are crucial. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.
The first three Steps are designed to bring us to the point where we become WILLING to turn our will & our lives over to the care of a Higher Power, Steps Four through Nine are HOW we turn our will & our life over, by removing the blocks that prevent us from actually doing so & the last three Steps are how we KEEP our will & our lives turned over to the care of God.
The next part of the step we must look at is "to turn our will & our lives." What does the step mean by "our will & our lives?" Our will is our way of doing things. We try to change things, by any means necessary, to the way we want them, to get our way no matter whom it hurts or destroys. That comes from the core of our disease, self-centeredness. There is only one power that can destroy self-centeredness & that is spirituality. We are now beginning to build spirituality in our lives. We will get a greater realization of its strength & power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply means our day-to-day affairs... our problems, our worries & our pain.
Now let's turn our attention to the words "over to the care of God as we understood Him." Many of us could not or would not relate to the word God. By the time we reached NA, many of us were Atheist or Agnostic & some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here, again, is where we need to be willing, open-minded & honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self-honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what that power is. The program tells us "God as we understood him." It doesn't have to be like anyone else's.
This can be a source of much confusion in the program. As addicts humans, we may inadvertently try to push our God & our beliefs about Him onto other addicts. An addict might tell another addict to get down on their knees to pray to God, without even knowing if that is the God of that person's understanding. The important thing to remember is that this step means a God of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood, the power of the Program, a force of nature, some kind of intelligence or even a rock in your backyard. It is a Higher Power, of your belief, that you can have faith in. You relate & communicate with your Higher Power according to the way you understand Him/Her/It. Your concept of a Higher Power may change as you grow in your recovery & that is OK... because it's your Higher Power.
Now, let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake that we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to God." We leave out the word "care." Without the word "care," we change the entire meaning of the step. For example: It's Saturday night & you & your spouse are going out for the night. You don't "turn your child over to a babysitter," you "turn your child over to the care of a babysitter," to watch & guide. When we turn our will & our lives over to the care of God, we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have the Higher Power of our understanding watch & guide our will & our lives.
A question often asked is, "what is God's will for me?" We will not formally focus our attention on seeking knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us until Step Eleven, though this is something that we will gradually come to know as we work the steps. At this point, we do know that it is God's will for us to stay clean & to act mature & responsible, to the best of our ability, according to where we are at in our recovery. God's will for us grows as we grow. When we turn our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him, one of two things will happen:
If we are applying the first three steps to all areas of our lives, we leave the door open for our Higher Power to be able to guide, protect & care for us.
If we are not living the first three steps in our lives, our Higher Power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so that we can learn from them.
When we first came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous, we were physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. The first step restored us physically, the second step restored us mentally & the third step restored us spiritually. We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of our disease. If we fail to do so, the first to go will be the spiritual, then the mental/emotional & finally, the physical, the act of picking up again. That is why it is so important to live these steps in our lives, it is the maintenance of our program. If you have no Higher Power, try G.O.D., Good Orderly Direction.
The Serenity Prayer can become a powerful tool in our lives, but we must first understand the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Let's look at the connection:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,"
The First Step, surrender & acceptance.
"The courage to change the things I can,"
The Second Step, doing things differently to change the outcome from insanity to sanity.
"And the wisdom to know the difference."
This is the Third Step, doing the mature & responsible thing, not our will.
Many addicts will want to regularly make some type of formal declaration for turning over our wills & lives to the care of our Higher Power. The Third Step Prayer, quoted on pg. 25 of the Basic Text, captures the essence of the principles behind this step, though you may feel more comfortable using your own words.
"Take my will & my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live."
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Write about the following questions on a separate sheet of paper & return to your Sponsor:
What is a decision?
How do/did I make my decision?
How did others help me come to the point of making a decision?
Who or what made my decisions for me while using?
Who or what makes my decisions for me in recovery?
What is my "will"?
What is my "life?"
What do the words "over to the care of" mean to me?
How do I turn my will & life over to the care of God?
Why do I have to live the first three Steps in my life?
Why is being clean without living the Steps dangerous?
What are the three phases of relapses?
How can the Serenity Prayer help me in my life?
Why is it OK to have a different Higher Power than anyone else?
What was my relationship with God like before coming to N.A.?
What are the three characteristics needed for "a God of my understanding?"
What is the principle of Step Three?
Grant Me The Serenity... Tools for Recovery > N.A. Step Working Guides
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Post by caressa on Apr 16, 2009 13:06:00 GMT -5
All this step is asking of me is to make a decision. I like the words "key of willingness." Often over the years, I have had to pray for the willingness to be willing.
The Third Step is a step of faith into the unknown, to a new way of life and it about changing the fear into faith.
In Step One I became aware that I had a problem. In Step Two I became aware of the fact that I couldn't do it by myself and that I needed a Higher Power. Step Three is an awareness of God that grows as a result of opening that door and letting new ideas and concepts enter into my life and slowly but surely the fear (face everything and recovery) turns into a faith that this program will work for me. Through the program, I learn to have faith in my Higher Power, and through my Higher Power, I learned to have faith in myself.
As it says, faith alone isn't enough. I had faith in God and knew He existed yet chose to not have Him in my life. It starts with a faith that my Higher Power can help me to stop drinking and grows into a faith that allows Him to help with living my life in today.
It says the decision is to put my life into the 'care' of God. It is in His care, not His hands. He doesn't do for me what I can do for myself. It was learning that He cared for me and cared about my life and that I was important and worthy of recovery.
To be continued...
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Post by caressa on Apr 21, 2009 8:02:51 GMT -5
For me willingness, came easily. That was only because I had been trying to stop my way for eight years and it didn't work. In AA, I found a way that worked. They told me to go to meetings, get a home group, get active in the group, find a sponsor and find a Higher Power that worked for me. I was not willing to go back to where I came from. I was not willing to go back to using, although for a long time my body screamed for me to pick up and relieve the pain. Not just the physical pain, but the mental and emotional pain of dealing with the issues that caused me to pick up and the choices I made as a result of my addiction.
My way didn't work. At first, I used the God of my childhood and the people in my home group, Hamilton Women's Discussin Group. For many years, or so I thought, men had been my problem. I went to mixed meetings, but there were issues that I didn't feel comfortable sharing there. As a friend of my said, "I didn't join this group because I hate men, I joined this group because I LOVE men."
If they had told me to climb the highest telephone pole and sit there for three hours a day to stay sober, I would have done it. At first, staying sober was the whole focus of my life. As I stayed sober, and I became willing to work the Steps, and find sobriety. The Steps applied to all parts of my life. The alcohol was but a symptom of my disease, the problem was me and I found the willingness to change.
Once I found the key to the program, for me it was self-honesty, an open mind and willingness to do what ever it took to stay sober, the doors opened. I am glad the doors of recovery stayed open although at times my mind closed, I pulled on the blanket of denial and didn't want to accept, and yet through it all I found a willingness to continue going to meetings. As they say, "Bring the body, the mind will follow."
Using was not an option, serenity was worth seeking although it wasn't always apparent and didn't make itself known for a long time. I was willing to seek it. My first sponsor fired me because she wasn't well and didn't feel she was well enough to give me what I needed because I was so sick. The second sponsor oozed serenity. She had what I wanted. Alas, she fired me because I moved and she didn't see me often enough and she felt that a phone connection wasn't enough and she felt like I needed to go to the same meetings she did.
The fact that I was rejected by two people would have been enough for me to pick up in the past, I was still willing to go find another sponsor and continue going to meetings and to learn how not to just stop using, but how to stay stopped.
I turned my life over to AA and to NA, because I knew I was an addict, my denial was about my alcoholism. I went to Al-Anon too although not regularly, I knew it was an area of my life that I needed to look at as a daugher of an alcoholic who died from his disease and the daughter of a food addict who used as a result of her husband's disease and died at the age of 40. I was also willing to try recovery because I didn't think I would live to be 40 and here I was six months away from being 50.
My willingness led me to doing two meetings (sometimes three) a day, being with the other girls who graduated from the recovery house with me, learning to spend time on my own without having to have the radio or TV on, and to continue on my own when both of them relapsed.
To be continued...
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Post by caressa on Apr 22, 2009 14:56:31 GMT -5
I touched on this on my last post. I saw that AA worked for others and came to believe it would work for me. I had been trying my way for eight years and my way didn't work. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped. A friend of mine who used AA to get better then went back out said, "Not everyone is like you and comes here and never goes back out." He was resentful of the fact that I didn't relapse after getting here. I reminded him several times that I had already gone through that process before I got here.
I didn't think I was an alcoholic, but there was something in the rooms, I didn't know what it was but I wanted some of it. If I had to lie and act as if, then so be it, I wanted what they had. They told me to be honest, but I figured a little fib wouldn't hurt, and I knew that I honestly didn't want to go back to where I had come from and felt like the solution was in the rooms because I saw people staying sober. I am grateful for my friend and others who went back out and did my research for me. They proved to me that AA was a safe harbour and if I did what they told me a day at a time I didn't have to go back.
Fear kept me here until I could find the faith to stay. I was told to "Keep coming so I didn't have to come back." As I have shared before, it took two years to come out of my denial and fully accept Step One. I always knew I was an addict, but just refused to wear the label 'alcoholic' until the light went on and I finally admitted to myself that I used alcoholc like I did everything else. Then I asked myself, Am I an alcoholic because I am an addict? or am I an addict because I used alcohol? I found it didn't matter. I just couldn't pick up people, places or things, a day at a time.
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Post by caressa on Apr 27, 2009 14:33:29 GMT -5
When I got a few days under my belt and I started to feel better, I figured that I was okay now that I wasn't using. I didn't realize that they substance was but a symptom of the disease and that the problem was me and my attitude.
This is one of my favorite sections of the 12 Steps. To get the true meaning for me, I found the answer in a book of Osho/Zen quotes that said, "The state of no mind is the divine. God is not a thought but the experience of thoughtlessness.... There is nowhere to go-one relaxes into one's source, and that source is God." For me, that means for me to get out the the way, be still and allow God to speak through me, by deed, words, actions, etc. As it says later in this Step, Be still and listen for the quiet.
When I surrender to a Higher Power, I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself. I am given that inner knowingness, courage, strength, direction. The more I depended on the fellowship and my Higher Power, the more "Good orderly direction" I received through "Divine Orderly Good." I turned my life into the Care of God/Dog and I became willing to change into the person He would have me be in today. More importantly to me, He allowed me to find my true self that I lost many years ago, to pick up the pieces I had left along the way and choose what I wanted to keep in today and what I wanted to let go of. Every time I picked up a person, place or thing, I gave away a piece of me. This Step helped me to decide to become healthy and whole.
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Post by caressa on Apr 29, 2009 15:06:08 GMT -5
This is a good analogy for someone who grew up on a farm that had no electricity or running water when we moved in. How often things are brought to a stand still when the power goes off as a result of a storm or malfunction in an appliance. How often we think we are running the show and yet there is generally some unseen force allowing us to tap into the power to get something done.
How often we take for granted things that some countries have at a high price, if obtainable at all. Often some thing, or some one, has prepared the way and we are taught or shown how to do something and then we take credit for the achievement. i.e. My son said to me, "Mom, you didn't teach me to cook, I just watched you."
When I think of how each blade of grass, each budding leaf or flower, receives just the right amount of sun and rain it needs to grow, the world is a very awesome place. If this God of the Universe can build such magnificent creatures and create such beauty and preform such spectacular tasks as make the world go round, that why should I doubt His ability to take care of my life. If he can care for each atom and being in the world, why shouldn't I trust Him to take care of me.
So many times over the years I remember saying, "I can do it myself." Yet when I am truly honest, how often have I called on other sources and resources to aid me in my task? I used people, places and things all of my life to get what I wanted. Today my God, utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of living. He is my connection, my strength, my courage, my teacher, my Source, He guides and directs my life in all things. That doesn't mean that sometimes I break that connection and plunge headlong into the old selfish and self-centered way of living. I think it is more out of habit than lack of reliance. The nice part is that I can tap into that source at any time and I can make a habit of making that connection so I don't need to go there so often.
To be continued...
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Post by caressa on May 4, 2009 16:44:06 GMT -5
This reminds me of the attitude I had when I came into recovery. "Don't tell me what to do!" How many times over the years, I drank to someone else's health. Don't tell me to quit drinking and would pour myself another one. Don't tell me to quit smoking, I'll smoke if I want to. Don't tell me I'm a bad mother, my son is home with my babysitter and her daughter, he is well looked after. No thought that mother should be there too even though he was in good hands.
This is a girl who started as a file clerk and 17 and ended up an office manager. This is the girl who quit school at 16, who later went back to get her grade 12 at a commercial college, who got graded 13 plus in her mature student exam. No thought that of the fact that when she quit her last job because her boss bounced her paycheck and that her skills had dropped to a level where it was thank God for correction tape because of her increased addiction to prescription pills. If you had a boss like mine you would use too. A boss who had three companies with different names and told me that I had to wear three different hats each day to rob Peter to pay Paul and answer to all his creditors. He had two companies when I went to work for him. He went bankrupt the year after I left his company and lost all five stores. What a big ego booster!
It was a real rude awakening when I went for a government job and had a typing speed of 40 wpm because of all the errors. Es, Os, and As, all looked the same and didn't realized how stoned I was. This from a person who typed 75 wpm on a bad day on an electronic typewriter.
It was about getting honest. My way didn't work. It looked good on the surface. Sounded good in the telling, but I was not functioning at my full capacity. I only remembered the Employment Personnel telling my boss that when they made me, they threw away the key and I wouldn't find another worker like me. That was the old me before I tried to do the work of three people and couldn't cope and figured she should because she was Ms. Invincible. I only remembered my boss saying, "I hate it when you are always right. This time you are only half right and waving a paper in my face." I then proceeded to tell him that is what I had meant all along and he had misinterpreted me. Never being able to admit to being wrong or needing help.
When I went back to school in 2001, I was able to type 70 wpm on the computer. I went for a computer course and got a certificate for Business Administration on Computers only to find after my placement, that I had no interest and energy to go back into the work force full or part time. I walked away from my job placement with two glowing recommendations that I could have written myself, achieved all and more than I ever hoped for at the age of 59. I had been put on disability at the age of 50 and it took that long to accept that I was on it for a reason.
In those nine years, I had gotten involved in service. I had helped others and had gotten out of self. I was living on limited income, yet it didn't matter, I was happy and quite content because I didn't need a lot of 'stuff' and as my disability worsened, I switched my service to sharing on line. I had ten web sites, deleted them because I didn't know what I was doing and it was a learning process and started again. The new sites increased to ten more and after the MSN closing they are down to five and in today, don't have the energy to give them the time they need. At one time they were all important. Now I just do what I can. Today thanks to this program, I made the decision to turn my life into the care of God, and things unfold as they should, not as I would have them be.
Without you, there is no me.
To be continued...
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Post by caressa on May 6, 2009 16:24:02 GMT -5
When I was new in recovery and heard this first statement it reminded me that when I met my mother-in-law-to-be that I had told her that she never weaned her son and that he was still a boob man. It didn't help that I was drinking rye and coke and smoking a wine-tipped cigar. Always wondered why she didn't think I was good enough for her son. He was the oldest of nine and everyone came to him when they wanted something but for the most part had nothing to do with him. It wasn't until after the marriage that I recognized his alcoholism and made the decision that if I couldn't beat him, I would join him. I didn't want to get married but I thought of marriage as a way to get booze, to have someone take care of me in the matter that I would like to become accustomed to. The ironic part was he lost his job three months after we were married. His boss told him, "We could handle your drinking when you were single, but now that you are married, you are out of control." I was highly affronted, how can he blame me for his drinking? I didn't realize that he didn't trust me while he was away with CPR and I was home alone. He met me in a crowd of people who frequented a place called the Riverside and when things got slow, we moved to the Bayview. That bar that every place has.
When I came into recovery I realized that my attitude toward him was "Peform, make me happy. I am not happy, you are not doing your job." Only to be told, "It wasn't his job anyway." A resentment for sure! My life had always been looking outside of myself depending on some place or thing to make me happy. I didn't know that expectations could be killers. Especially when you put your trust on someone who wasn't able to meet your needs. When I came into recovery I didn't think I could depend on anything. I had lost all confidence and trust in myself.
When I walked into the rooms of recovery, I saw people staying sober and living their lives without using, doing what I had been trying to do for eight years and although I could stop, I couldn't stay stopped.
I learned to put my life into the care of the people in the rooms. They shared with me what had worked for them. I learned that I couldn't always depend on the 'people' in the rooms, but I could depend on the message that I heard in the rooms. Through time, going to meetings, I was able to find those 'winner's they talked about and found what worked for me. As I have shared before, my sponsor said: "You can learn to things at a meeting, how to work your program and how not to work your program."
I just knew that if I got up each morning and had breakfast (which was a new experience in itself), went to a meeting, found something to do in the afternoon, even if it was to read a book or have a nap when I couldn't find a buddy to run away from home with, and each evening I went to a meeting. I went to two meetings a day for two years. I was one of the really sick ones. I feel it took that long to totally detox and come to an acceptance of my disease. I didn't think I was an alcoholic, yet I kept coming back until I could find self-honesty and look at me instead of my ex-husband, my father, and the people in the rooms who relapsed and those who I compared with instead of identifying with. When I quit comparing, I started to heal.
As it says here, I found strength, courage and direction in the rooms. If they could do it, so could I. Going back was not an option. It was essential that I stay sober, serenity back then was optional and then became a necessity. Sobriety became soundness of mind. I had to learn to heal in all areas. I was mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically sick and I had to learn to apply the program to all areas of my life.
It wasn't just about getting physically better, it was about becoming a whole and complete person.
To be continued....
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Post by caressa on May 7, 2009 15:59:34 GMT -5
When I got into recovery, it was a new found miracle. As I have heard so many people say, "It was the last house on the block." I don't know if it was for me, but if I hadn't reach the last house, I had given up trying to look for it.
The treatment house I went to brought in the Women's Group to put on an in house meeting and two awesome women spoke. Both blond, both attractive, and both with a spark and a fire that shone through their eyes from the depth of their soul and gave me hope. They didn't look sick they didn't look like they had lived the story that they shared with us and yet I could see that the program had helped them and I think the good thing was that there were two of them, two different stories with the same happy ending. They were both clean and sober. It took me over three months to decide to join the group. I didn't like women. I was angry at men so they seemed the lesser of two evils. I felt like I needed to concentrate on my sobriety and didn't need an outside force that had been what I termed "the reason I used int he first place." It took a few months to realize that I hadn't had a man in my life for several years so I could no longer blame them.
I joined the Women's Group and the Thursday night Group was the meat and potatoes of my recovery. The Saturday morning meeting was my dessert. Cake and Ice Cream and a bonus to add to my recovery. A lot of the women just went to that group and were unable to go to mixed meetings because of abuse issues but I went to them all. Ironically, I left the Women's Group only to end up the only Woman in an all Men's group, there had been women but they had left.
I heard about this Higher Power thing and the only one I knew was the one of my childhood. I found out a lot of it was an old tape and I wasn't too sure I could trust it. Even though I know I had left the church, I wasn't too sure I wanted to go back to church to find 'that' God. Even if I found a measure of faith for myself, I wasn't sure He had much faith in me. I found out it was the other way around. As I learned to trust this new Higher Power, who I decided I didn't want to know because then I would stop looking for Him, I learned to have trust not only in him but in myself. Drinking was but a symptom of my disease. When I took away the alcohol and pills (dried-up alcohol), there was this empty shell, this fragmented being who had no direction, and love and sense of purse, with absolutely no love or kindness for herself. How could this all time loser develop a relationship with anything or anyone and put my life in its care. What was there to care about?
As a result of my late arrival in the program, old age for want of a better word, I had accumulated a lot of 'stuff' and alcohol was the lesser of a lot of the evils in my life. It helped to hear that evil is the opposite of live. I hadn't lived my own life for many years. I had lived it through other people. The devil made me do it was one of my favorite sayings. I didn't know that I hadn't lived my life but had just existed and had been marking time for a very, very long time.
I had detached from my son. I had isolated. For so many years, I had been trying my way or the way so many people had told me that I should live. I had to be open to other ideas and concepts. My best thinking had got me to the rooms of recovery. Thinking is even a strong word for how I felt. My mind was so full of negativity that it was hard to find anything positive. It was like I had shut down and the world just ceased to exist. Everything was just too much trouble and I had no energy to give and when I got into the rooms, I was like a sponge. I soaked up everything in site. I was so empty. The rooms gave me food for my body, mind and spirit.
To be continued...
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Post by caressa on May 12, 2009 14:47:59 GMT -5
The people in the rooms loved me back to good health. I made a lot of friends in AA. Some closer than others and yet there always seemed to be that special kinship with anyone who I saw working the program and trying to do the best they could each day. I learned a lot from people new in recovery as well as from the long-timers. There was certainly a bond between the three of us who left treatment together. We all stayed sober that first year. Unfortunately, I was the only one who never went back out. One is still out there, the other has been back in for a while but again has stopped going to meetings.
My life just seemed unmanageable when I looked at all the times I moved, was in relationships, changed jobs, and yet that was just the surface, the tip of the iceberg. Not counting all the times I robbed Peter to pay Paul, the way I was always trying to play catch up with my life, the partial payments I made always promising to pay more next time, only that time never seemed to come. It was thinking behind the drinking and drugging that I had to look at to get some mental and emotional sobriety.
My life can still be unmanageable when managed by me. It was a case of bringing the body and hopefully the mind will follow. Just putting the plug in the jug, just leaving the unhealthy relationship, just not using people, places and things, still left me with the problem. Me! The solution was the Twelve Steps. Not just Step One. Not doing the Two Step, (Steps One and Twelve), or the Three Step ( Steps One, Twelve and Thirteen). Do you know what Step Fourteen is? Making the amends for working Step Thirteen.
This is a living program. I had to take the words from the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve and apply them to my life. As I have said many times, and will probably say many more times, this is a 24 hour a day program not a 2-4 hour a day program.
I continually have to go to meetings, talk to my sponsor, work the Steps, work with necomers, and practice the principles in all of my affairs.
After several 24 hours in the program, I might not do these as often as I did in early recovery, and yet I still do them. My meetings are often here and on other sites when I can't get out, but it is important to make a connection. The truth is though, you can't beat that f2f meeting. There is an exchange of energy that I haven't found any where else. The thing that made me join the Women's Discussion Group in early recovery was the fact that they joined in a circle at the end of the meeting. They read the 12 Promises, and later gave out hope stones to newcomers and people who are having a bad day, and when they joined hands and said the closing prayer at the end, God was there!
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~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.