Post by caressa on Jan 6, 2008 23:12:42 GMT -5
Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance.
- Melody Beattie
Balance was never one of my strong points. Being an Aires, it was even harder for me than most I think. That may be a rationalization, but it has always seemed to be act/react. Recovery has allowed me to find that balance on a daily basis. At least in today, I have the tools to bring life back into balance when it is off.
Expectations were always high, especially those I place on myself. It was easier to 'excuse' others and acknowledge where they are and where they come from, but much more difficult to allow myself my own imperfections.
I had a chuckle with my sponsor last night about a reaction I had yesterday afternoon. It is amazing what we can put ourselves through. I thought the worst, and it didn't happen. In fact nothing happened, it was a misunderstanding. I thought I heard a certain name and went into panic mode because I thought I had to meet the ex-doctor and his staff that I use to have before my present doctor. He and his assistants were the cause of my liver damage and me ending up in the hospital close to death with all the electrolites out of my system. The hospital staff said if I had waited an hour, two at most, I would have died. I had a big fear of going to my new doctor's office and having him in the same office with my old doctor. I realized I still had issues with this and had to pray and turn them over. It ended up that is was Dr. Olton not Dr. Alton. Such a little thing, yet it was such a big trigger for me. I even had the thought that a drink would make me feel better. I took myself out for supper tonight and looked close at the cost of a glass of wine with my dinner. I hadn't realized that the anger was still there. It was always the solution to dealing with anger in the past.