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Post by Misty on Feb 10, 2005 22:35:18 GMT -5
I think honesty has a lot to do with your credibility. I try to be as honest as I can with others and myself. Are you honest or dishonest? Please let me know!
Thanks----Mistyeve
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Post by johnl on Feb 10, 2005 23:37:53 GMT -5
I agree honesty has a lot to do with credibility you cant have it both ways, your either honest or dishonest
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Post by Lin on Feb 11, 2005 5:34:42 GMT -5
Absolutely...honest on this side of the chip. Credibility and trust go hand in hand with honesty. If a person lies to me and gets caught in that lie,. it takes a long time to rebuild the trust. I always look at things from the other's point of view. Would i want others to me honet to me or to lie? So i try to be honest. I try not to be hurtful...like bruTAL HONESTY, BUT INSTEAD i AM TACTFUL. If I can't be honest in a reply I dont day anything.
I cant tell you how many times I went along with my husbands lies jsut to keep him from looking like a liar. I covered up for him, lied to freinds and family anc co-workers about how he was really doing or where he was when he was suposed to be someplace. No more of that. I may tell MOST of the truth and leave out some parts, but I dont lie.
When he was in the hospital for depression and rehab for the relapse, I told most of the freinds and family it was those two things. But folks like at my job and at church , I jsut mentioned the depression. I was honest. I jsut left out parts that were none of their business. I rationalized that one with the anonymity thing. if HE wants to tell my co-workers and the people at church that he's an alcholic , he can do it. Not my place to announce it though.
Somebody posted something here not long ago about survival honesty and some other kinds. If that person is reading, I'd like to hear the difference in survival honestly and dishonesty. I remember coming abck and asking for an example, and i did not get it.
LIN
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Post by Misty on Feb 11, 2005 8:57:10 GMT -5
Dear John-----Yeah it mostly is black and white. You are honest or ya aren't. There are some grey areas. Thanks for stoppin by!----
Mistyeve
Dear Lin----Survival Honesty is exactly what it says(helps ya to survive) I DO NOT put on a job application that I am an alcoholic & drug addict. That is so I can get the job and survive an pay my bills. There is a horrible stigma
about hiring an alcoholic/addict. I know cuz I have filled out many many job applications....It is NOT
honest but the motive is a good one
just like ya don't unload to a wife or husband details of an affair you had. You don't make your own cross
lighter by making others heavier...
This is my own opinions by what I have learned over the years and it works for me. This is as honest of an explanation as I can give you.
Thanks for stoppin by!---Mistyeve
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Post by lildee on Feb 11, 2005 10:15:27 GMT -5
Good Morning Mistyeve,
Honest/Dishonest
For me , I am honest. I detest lies and liars. It shatters my trust in them, and takes a long time to rebuild that trust.
There is one place though where I am brutally honest and that is in working my program. This honesty has saved my sanity and my marriage. It has kept it all real.
A fib, a lie, bs, call it what you want but they all pervert the truth. And without the truth my road to God is blocked.
Love & God Bless
Arlene
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Post by caressa on Feb 11, 2005 10:21:53 GMT -5
Honesty is important to me. A part of the grieving process I have been going through is the fact that what I thought was truth, was a lie and you can't build a relationship on that.
Again, it is motive and intent. I have to ask myself that when I make a decision in today. If I have to lie to someone in order to do what I want to do there is a good chance I shouldn't be doing it.
People say to me, "You don't have to tell the whole truth," yet for me, that is lying by omission. I refuse to lie for anyone else. I always ask that I not be put into that position. If I won't lie for myself, why should I do it for someone else?
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Post by Tiger on Feb 11, 2005 12:27:21 GMT -5
Misty writes: I tend to agree with Misty on this one! In "How It Works" it states "there are some who are constitutionally unable to be honest with THEMSELVES" For me, that means "drinking is *not* an option and I can't BS myself about that nor the concept that I can control other people, places and things! If I was on Al-anon, it would tell me I can't *control* my spouse, only *my* thinking and emotions Does anyone realize how dysfunctional this world would be if there were no grey areas in this "Honesty" concept? - if everyone, everywhere in the world told 100% truth, 100% of the time: The wife asks "how do you like my new dress?' The husband replies "It looks like a potatoe sack" The boss asks "how do you like your new job?' You reply "It stinks, just like you!"  In the military there is a "need to know" concept. I maintain also in this *real world* in which you and I live there is also a "need to know" basis! There was a time in my life I tried to live by absolutes - everything was white or black - no in-between but the years of sobriety have taught me *reality* lies in-between - in that shaded area! That's why I still try to "muddle through" the middle of this thing we call *life*! Tiger |
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Post by caressa on Feb 12, 2005 1:12:35 GMT -5
When I say lie, by omission, I have had people say to me, "Tell them this, tell them that, you don't have to say this or that," yet for me I have to live my own truth.
I refuse to be some persona alibi, excuse or justification for lack of responsibility and respect.
You want to call in sick, do it yourself. You don't want to accept an invitation, that don't ask me to be the mediator.
It isn't about saying, "Your dressing ugly!" What is wrong with saying, "That color suits you!" There is always a positive in a negative, and their is always a negative in a positive if you go looking for it.
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Post by Misty on Feb 12, 2005 18:43:16 GMT -5
My Very Dear Tiger----I LOVE the idea of a need to know basis. It can save a lot of hurt feelings and also a job. I don't need to tell the boss I think he's an not a very nice person even if it is honest!!! Thanks for understanding the concept of survival honesty!!! Love & Grateful Hugs----Mistyeve
Caressa----You have your own ideas and opinions. In America we have a saying I MAY NOT AGREE WITH WHAT YOU SAY BUT I SHALL DEFEND YOUR RIGHT TO SAY IT.-----Mistyeve
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Post by ~graced~ on Feb 13, 2005 8:54:37 GMT -5
I have a definition of honesty that I live by "honesty=the lack of intent to deceive oneself or others, absense of the truth is a lie". Tough one to live by--but necessary for this alcoholic.
I also have 'protocol' in which to open my mouth. I only get to say what's 'necessary KIND and true'. And truth isn't MY truth, but THE truth. And truth is, we're all children of G-d, we each have a right to be here. In spite of my ego, I've come to understand that my opinion of other's truly isn't any of my business...and their opinion of me isn't any of my business either.
LOL Doesn't seem to leave a whole lot to talk about now, does it? Actually, what it leaves is "love and tolerance of others is our code". Perhaps it's G-d working overtime on changing the thought process for this alcoholic. I'm hard pressed to find a negative opinion on people, period. As G-d's kiddos we're all trudging through best we can, each of us loved implicitly exactly as we are. Do I think G-d approves of everything everyone does--hardly. I do think He approves and affirms our worth anyway.
Will I lie to a prospective employer--no.
Will I tell you your dress looks butt ugly-no...LOL
Do I give myself a license to be hurtful in my delivery of whatever my 'opinion' is? Absolutely not--
This program, G-d and a whole lotta 11th step work has changed this gal's thinking. My first thought isn't a negative thought and I don't feel a need to have an opinion about the 'small stuff'. Perhaps it's been a redesign on what's 'big' and what's 'small'.
I don't have an opinion on the dress--it's simply wrapping on one of G-d's kiddos.
I'll stick to honesty being the lack of intent to deceive oneself or others, absence of the truth is a lie. I like how G-d's worked in me to change my attitude and my perceptions of the world around me.
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Post by Misty on Feb 13, 2005 10:17:28 GMT -5
Dear Graced aka Morey----Glad you could stop by and be one of God's
kiddos!!! Thanks----Mistyeve
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Post by caressa on Feb 13, 2005 16:21:33 GMT -5
Well said, you always seem to say what I want to say but it doesn't come out with such style and 'grace' and so clearly program and how is should be, often not how it should be, but God and I are working on that.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.