Thursday Chip---Rude/Polite

[Misty]

I find I am rude mostly when I am angry or disappointed. A loved one
recently shaved off a beautiful, soft.full, attractive beard leaving a naked, white, round, full, face. I was rude and told him I thought it was horrible. I need to be polite and apoligize to him and practice Live and Let Live. Are you rude or polite??? Please let me know. Thanks----Mistyeve

[Lin]

I like to be treated politely, so i remmember that before i lash out in rudeness at anybody. If it DOES blurt out, I apologize as soon as possible.

The other day we left art class and went tot he restroom. While in the restroom we had a statewide , unannounced tornado drill. Two of my kids had hung back in art. I thought they were with me. I only knew 2 were msising. When they came back i jumped on them. I told them they must never hang back when we leave. I had no idea where they were or even who was missing. I told them not in a rude way but in a fairly loud voice that i was disappointed in their actions. I late apologized to them that i had gotten so loud, but it was a serious thing to be mnissing during a tornado drill. I said if it had been the real thing I'd ahve to send the diseaster team in that searches for bodies. I said from now on, remember to get in line and come with us as we leave.

So i am mostly on the POLITE side.

LIN

[johnl]

I find it is always better to be polite than rude even if I feel the person doesnt deserve politeness.If I think before I talk than I don't have to apoogize for being rude.

[lildee]

Good Morning Mistyeve,

Rude/Polite

This is an easy one for me. My Grandma told me a long time ago, rest her soul,

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto to you."

Treat others the way you want to be treated. For the most part it has stuck for all these years. It truly is amazing how much of our behavior is learned and ingrained into our being.

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[~graced~]

Well, I thought I was doing well in the 'polite' arena--until I married a Brit. WOW are they a polite society! This fella thanks the cashier for taking his money at the grocery store! LOL

For me, rude is a watered down way of saying 'critical'. I was one who believed it was 'necessary' to 'say it as I see it'. I justified it because I had a responsibility to say what I saw--and frankly I'm graced with a whole lotta insight, I see a whole lot.

I had a responsiblity to say what was 'true'. Cuz an alcoholic I lie to myself on a regular basis. LOL And goodness knows I need people around me to point out what's 'true' cuz I can delude myself rather well--I was convinced so did the rest of the world.

And then some wiseperson cut to the chase with me....LOL Both those things are true--I do have a responsibility to say what's 'necessary' and 'true'--but I also have a responsibility to say it in a 'kind' manner.

KIND?! LOL And the trick was--I could only say what was 'necessary, KIND and true'. Which sucked....LOL Cuz I always prided myself (catch that word?) in being one who would have the tenacity to just 'say it like it was'. You start putting clauses in there and making me accountable for saying it KIND at the same time--or keeping my mouth closed?....we're gonna have a problem! LOL

And boy.....did I have a problem! LOL
You gotta know saying it ONLY if it was 'necessary, kind and true' was a task and a half. We had a whole lotta silent moments....LOL.....I wasn't used to having that criteria set before I could open my mouth.

I wasn't a happy bunny! LOL

That exercise in futility changed my interpersonal relationships with people a whole lot! (okay, okay....so it only SEEMED like an exercise in futility!) And today, I know how to say what's necessary, kind and true.

The longer I'm sober, the more I'm discovering what's 'necessary' isn't necessarily mine to define.

And just cuz I 'see it'....doesn't mean I'm obligated to say it cuz it simply might not be 'mine' to say.

You'd think that would mean I'm silent a whole lot....LOL
FAT CHANCE! LOL
But I am a whole lot more polite and kindly today than I've ever been.
Now, if I could JUST remember to thank that cashier at the grocery store for taking my money! LOLOLOL

[Misty]

Dear Lin----You were afraid when you noticed 2 kids were missing so you can understand the idea of fear
causing rudeness. You are in a position of being and example to the students and it sounds like you are doing a good job. Thanks for stopping by!-----Mistyeve


Dear John----It is NOT always easy
to think before I talk. I try to do this but it is something I have
wrestled with for years.---Mistyeve

Dear Arlene----Hey! Your Grandma was talking about the golden rule!
She sounds like she had some good
ideas & values to live by. Thanks for stopping by-----Mistyeve

[Misty]

My Extremely Dear Graced---Kind???
Necessary??? Quiet times of think before ya talk???? I would be spending lots & lots of time looking in the mirror saying WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YA DONE WITH THE REAL MISTYEVE??? Very scarey stuff but thankyou so much for mentioning it and giving me some food for thought to chew on all day
Glad you could stop by!!! Thanks!
Mistified Mistyeve

[caressa]

Food for thought indeed my friend, I like the idea of a kind, responsible, caring mouth.

It is not always what I say, but how I say it.

I was told early in recovery that there was no exucse for rudeness. What I gave out, comes back to me in what ever form I sent it out.

Made me stop to hesitate and mediate. I do have to admit though, that God and I are still working on this.

[Misty]

Dear Caressa----The idea of hesitate and meditate sounds real good but to actually put it into
practice is very difficult at least for me. Thanks for stopping by.
Mistyeve