Friday Chip---Anger/Self Control

[Misty]

I have had 2 important relationships severed for either no apparent reason or a stupid reason.
I am practicing self control cuz I am too sick to do anything else. My
DR says I have a sinus infection and I am on antibiotics for the next few weeks. I can't let anger
at these people rent space in my head. I think they are rude and inconsiderate to stomp all over a
sick person. They could at least wait until I am well enough to deal with it. Oh well! Are you angry or do you practice self control? Please let me know! Thanks-Mistyeve

[Lin]

Hurt, anger and resentment are not healthy feelings. When I start to go there, I try to catch myself. I can turn it around. I can ask myself how important is it? (especially if what they have done is said something...perhaps they were having a very bad day and I don't know what is giong on in their lives.)

If the two people are REALLY important to you, a little anger should not get inthe way. If the anger was only on YOUR end and they were not the one who got angry, you still ahve time to get them back in your life.

Making amends helps me when I have behaved badly.

Keeping self control is much easier. I dont wish to be around angry people, so i know they would not either.

LIN

[Misty]

Dear Lin----It is probably for the best. These people wanted it their way or no way at all. I am not a
freaking puppet on a string also I was at the DR office cuz I am real sick. Trying to handle 3 shocking devastating things all at once is a
trick for anyone to do. My sponsor thinks I am a weird odd ball strange person for having on line
column to carry the msg and she was
yelling at me that Bill W & Dr Bob
would be ashamed of me. She was mad about some other stuff too but
I don't think doing this column is
a waste of my time at all! I hope it helps people.....The other person is 2years sober and acting like a terrible 2 year old. I am
NOT gonna give in to a temper tantrum just to keep things smooth.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope the
slogan THIS TOO SHALL PASS will be
kicking in real soon!!!---Mistyeve

[lildee]

Morning Mistyeve,

I can't say "good" cuz it's a lousey morning. I think I factured one of my caps and the pain is worse than labor. I have an emergency appointment set up with the dentist.

Why am I writing this here? Because I am angry with the "A". Tired of all the bs and broken promises. Tired of having my life turned upside down. Tired of meetings, readings, and the whole lot. All his commitments come before his family. I do just as much if not more recovery work but my family comes first. So all his nonsense is stressing me out and as a result I eternalize it and wind up grinding my teeth. Dung, by the time I reach 50 I won't have any teeth left. So jokingly he says "so you can gum me." HAHA. He doesn't see the stress that his actions are causing. Not only for me but also for my girls. So to maintain self -control I come here to write and vent, praying when the pain killers give me some lucid moments. I can't wait to have this tooth pulled.

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[Misty]

Dear Arlene----You have a lot be angry about. It's not bad to be pissed it's what ya do about it. I
came home sick from work cuz my eyes,ears, & nose are all plugged up the pressure is hell! I got my
2nd sinus infection this winter. I
sure hope you get dental help asap!
I had that happen and it won't stop
pounding till ya do. Good Luck!!!
Thanks for stopping by!---Mistyeve

[Lin]

Are you saying, Misty, that the people who are angry with you and have severed your relationship are in recovery? That's sad. Seems to me a person can work their program the way it works best for them and their freinds should ap[plaud them if they ar creative.

So sorry you are in pain Lildee. I do hope you get it pulled and it does not bother you much longer.

LIN

[Misty]

Dear Lin----Yeah the 2 people are both "recovering" alcoholics. I've
got to be careful of anonimity but I feel they are judging me harshly.
My heart is broken but that is just
the way it goes. Thanks for your
concern------Mistyeve

[caressa]

A lot of my resent therapy has been about letting go of anger. It is a danger to my sobriety and to my health and well being.

www.schooloftantra.net/Chakras/chakra_throat.htm

Emotions make themselves known physically, and I need to remember that anger is one of the biggest threats to my emotional sobriety.

[Misty]

Hey Caressa----If you put a "D" in front of anger you got DANGER. I'm
very aware of how dangerous anger can be. Thanks for stopping by----
Miserable Mistyeve

[majestyjo]

Don't like the word Self Control, control is an illusion. When I think I am able to do by myself, I am in trouble, and it easy for my disease to come to the surface and my emotions to get out of control.

I can't, my God can, and just for today, I choose to turn them over to Him and ask for help. I need to pick up the tools of recovery, talk to my sponsor, a spiritual adviser, a good close friend that I trust. Any time I put Self into the equation, I am generally acting out in my dis-ease.

Anger is a danger if I don't 'deal' with it in a healthy way. It is a legitimate feeling, just a danger to my sobriety if I feed it instead of acknowledging it, which diffuses it and takes away it's power.

Perhaps this should be Anger/Serenity.

I was told that sobriety meant "Soundness of Mind." I don't have that when I am angry.

[bunnypie]

Hi Jo---I was told a trick is to count to 10 and put up and shut up. I try to walk away from the situation and if I can't do something to try to distract my self like say a prayer and ask God for help. I think one of the shortest prayers is "HELP" LOL and it is easy to remember too!!!----Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

I was told to start at 100 and count backward. Told someone at my meeting a few weeks ago, about the shortest prayer, "Help!"

[bunnypie]

The other short prayer is Thanks!!! I was told to say HELP in the morning & THANKS at night.....

[majestyjo]

That is the suggestions of the program, I think anyone who stays sober does that. It is a given. I always say "Help" because it is the shortest prayer. "Thanks" is for when the help comes. Prayer works.

[bunnypie]

The AA Preamble says that our primary purpose is to stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety.....Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

Yes it does, it is one of the reason I stayed in AA even though there was a lot of gossip and jealousy in the groups. I was not wanting a relationship and I just wanted to focus on my recovery. People acted like I was out to get there man or I was impinging (not sure of the spelling, for some reason, I don'thave spell check on my computer) on their territory. It ended up that I had a lot of male friends because they felt safe with me, I wasn't there to jump their bones. I allowed them to be themselves and they didn't have to change to be with me. Men and women too seem to have a mind set as to how they are suppose to act with the opposite sect. When in truth, they are still role playing and not being who they are, or they are just naturally pregnant dogy. I left AA to go to NA for several reasons, one I always knew I was an addict, my denial was about my alcoholism.

I went back to AA for a short time, and then I joined Al-Anon and went to AA meetings when I needed them. As my son's disease grew, I had to be watchful of my own. EoR really helped me in this direction, as I could talk about AA, NA, Al-Anon, and Nar-Anon. I also identified with OA as I have an eating disorder that I had to apply my program to. As it has been said, "There is a common denominator between the different groups." I had to apply the Steps to all areas of my life. The same with the Traditions, I had to take them out of the meeting place and apply them to my home life, work, and community service.

There has been a lot of anger over the years, but thanks to the program, I have healthy ways to deal with it.  As they say, "You have to acknowledge it, feel it, and let it go."  It doesn't grow if you don't feed into it.  The story of the wolf is a good one.

[bunnypie]

Hi Jo---It has taken me years to find people and groups where I feel comfortable. I went to a spiritual group on Sunday morning at the Joliet AA Club and it was shortly after I had been diagnosed with cancer. I was very emotional and crying. I talked about how I had (2) Two deadly diseases to battle (alcoholism & cancer) A man that I had known casually for approx. (10) ten years made the comment that I deserved to die!!! He said because I am a cigarette smoker I deserve to die. I was so hurt & angry I stood up (counted to ten) and said "We claim progress NOT perfection and slammed out of that meeting. I will never go back to that meeting. I am so d**n glad that there are other meetings for me to go to. I recently ran into a man who was at that meeting that I slammed out of. He said the man who made the comment that I deserve to die just sat there. The whole group just sat there in stunned silence glaring at him. He finally got up and got coffee and came back however it was never addressed or confronted. I found out about it just the other day and it happpen a few months ago. I am sober in spite of my anger NOT because of it. I asked the man why nobody said anything and he said he thought it was that everyone was speechless!!! It is synchroncity (meaningful coincidence) that I ran into this man who just happen to be at the other meeting. Gossip, Jealousy, Confrontations, Anger are all things that happen in AA meetings but they don't have to chase me away. I keep coming back but maybe not to the exact same place!!!!!!--------Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

He had no right to say it. You shouldn't have given up your power to him by walking out. By doing so, you make him right. The principles of the first step are honest, surrender, and acceptance. To surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means giving over to the program and to the God of your understanding.

As you know, you don't have to like it to accept it, but in order to move forward, you do need to find a form of acceptance.

Honesty, is about self-honest. I was told to quit smoking for health reasons. As they say, "You can't scare an alcoholic/addict." I quit for a week, someone said, "We will still love you if you put on 30 lbs." I said, "I won't love myself," so I walked over to my china cabinet drawer and picked up a pack that I had in safe keeping, which just showed that wasn't truly WILLING to give them up.

I had to pray for the willingness to be willing to quit. As a result of that prayer, "I got the thought that I wanted to be a clean, clear channel and carry the message of recovery. To do that, for me, was to quit smoking. I went to NA and picked up key tags. Just for today, I choose not to use. I want a cigarette, but just for today, I choose not to have one, no matter what. Just the same as I did about alcohol and prescription drugs. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself or others. I lost 3 lbs. instead of gaining weight. I had to fill the void with spiritual things. I went to meetings and held crystals when I had a craving or an obsession. You can't crave unless you injest a drug. I had to clean all my walls, furnishings, and my clothes to get rid of the smell. I had to hold my nose going to a meeting because I got nauseated and got headaches. I found out that I was allergic to smoke of ALL kinds, not just cigarettes.

They can't chase you away unless you allow them to. You don't have to wear your make up thick to cover up or put on a wig or a hat, unless you want to. It is okay to be you.

[bunnypie]

I don't have to attend every argument/confrontation that I am invited to.......Bunnypie