|
|
Post by Misty on Apr 6, 2005 23:35:36 GMT -5
I finally had a few people notice my hair being streaked and it felt so good to get some praise about it. I don't handle criticism well
so I try real hard not to dish out what I can't take. Do you praise or criticize??? Please let me know!
Thanks------Mistyeve
|
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Apr 7, 2005 4:53:41 GMT -5
Praise is definitely easier to accept than criticism.
ask yourself though..is people NOT sayig anything the same as criticism? not at all. Some folks jsut dont notice such things or they dont take the time and energy to offer compliments. A silence about something like that is not a criticism.
I had so much criticism growi8ng up, i had to go elsewhere for praise. I got lOTS of praise from my 2nd grade teacher. And for that reason I once told my mom I wished Mrs. B was my mom instead of her. That hurt my mom so much. I never saw her cry from hurt for as many days as she did over that remark. She threw up my words to me for months and months. I soon learned to accept praise from whomever i coudl get it and not bother saying anytingn to try to get praise from my parents.
if i didnt ask DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR, or IS THIS A GOOD STORY? then I was not setting myself up for a slam about how it could be made better.
For that reason I try to be like Mrs. B and praise my little ones every chance I get.
LIN
|
|
|
|
Post by ksilverman60 on Apr 7, 2005 5:46:53 GMT -5
Hi Everybody
My name is Kelly and I am quite new to this site.It has helped me so much.Could somebody explain to me what the chips are and what it means in regard to Al-Anon.Do I have to go somewhere to purchase the chips.
Thank You
Kelly
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Apr 7, 2005 7:22:28 GMT -5
Hi Kelly,
Mistyeve posts the chips daily. These chips show us our good points and our not so good points. They make us aware of the things we need to work on to better ourselves. Nothing to buy just come here and write about how you feel about the chip for the day.
Love
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Apr 7, 2005 7:37:37 GMT -5
Good morning MIstyeve,
I hope things are going better for you. Sounds like you have a fancy new doo. Good for you. (Reminds me I need to make an appoinment for a dye job.)
Praise/ criticize
Gosh I really dislike to be criticized. I don't do it well. Even though some criticism is well meaning. Sometimes it seems like people just like to say the obvious like putting salt into the wound. For example if you have a few extra pounds around the midsection.... duh don't you think you realize that. Why even comment on it?
Praise is a much better route. It is like giving someone a pat on the back, or a verbal hug. Being able to give praise has not been an easy task for me, coming from a dysfunctional home, where there was no such thing as praise. There were only put downs and shame. So I am learning slowly to hand out the praise. When you have been so used to critcism praise is a new territory to learn about. How to do it, when to do it, how to make it real.
It is just what grandma used to say "treat others as you wish to be treated."
Love & God Bless
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by Misty on Apr 7, 2005 8:03:45 GMT -5
Dear Lin----You might be on to some
thing. Silence is not necessarily
a criticism. Wow! that is a radical concept for me!!! LOL Thanks for mentioning that and Glad
you could stop by!----Mistyeve
Dear Kelly----WELCOME!!! There is a list of "chips" with the character defects that I will admit
to on the msg board for this colum.
This all ties into the 7th step of
AA and an idea of Father John Doe
(he was the 1st alkie priest in AA)
He said to put all your character
defects on poker chips---put them in a container---draw a chip every
day and be aware of it and work to make it better. Hope to see ya back here HOney!!! Welcome & Keep
Comin Back-----Mistyeve
Dear Arlene----It is amazing when my hair looks good I feel good!!!
A good hair day is usually a real
good day. Thanks for helping explain to Kelly whats up with the
column. You are marvelous!!! Glad you could stop by!----Mistyeve
|
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Apr 8, 2005 3:26:02 GMT -5
Dear Kelly...
The chips are something Mistyeve has. They show character deftects we might see in ourselves. In alanon, aa and many other groups we work the same 12 steps. One of the steps has us searching our own character defects and then trying to replace the ones we need to work on with better ways of thinking and acting. We dont have to buy any chips. She pulls one and we comment on how we see ourselves as that chip.
LIN
|
|
|
|
Post by preciouschihua on Apr 8, 2005 7:15:55 GMT -5
Wow , good reding here, ((remaining silent))
but also
WELCOME Kelly,
you are at a good good place,
Suzanne
|
|
|
|
Post by Misty on Apr 8, 2005 7:29:47 GMT -5
Dear Suzanne----So good to see you and your little galloping horse!!!
Thanks for stopping by and please
come back!!! Sincerely---Mistyeve
|
|
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.