Monday- ANGER/SELF CONTROL

[Lin]

I can't remember the last time I got ANGRY. That's really a biggie for me. ANGER was the one defect that was the most flagrant on me when I found recovery. So it seems today I have much more SELF CONTROL than anger. That's GOOD. I'm sure the people around me can feel that too.

I remembereed last anger..it was in early May. I came home from work to find a relapsed, drunk, passed out husband. That was nto what made me angry tho. It was the hold in the hallway paneling where he had fallen into the wall. that hold in the wall made me ANGRY. ((it took 8 weeks to wait for the contractor to fix it..but today it is FIXED!) So...it's been about 3 months since I felt really angry. That's not bad. Hopuinbg next time I get angry will be much longer than that!

One way I avoid anger is not sweat the smnall stuff. I let theng go. I accept thsoe things I cannot change. If the boss asks us to do something like rinky dink paperwork...i cant change that. She's the boss. I get-er-done and move past it. I dont gt angry that other principals may not have required such a thing. I even TRY to enjoy those little surprise assignments and that really helps not to get angry. I also try to deal with feelings when they are small instead of alowing them to stew, and grow and become anger and resentments.

So today..count me SELF CONTROL.

Are you angry or in Self-control?

LIN

[~graced~]

Well, the 12x12 talks about "restraint of pen and tongue" and I have sponsors who suggest buying time until I can say what's "necessary, kind and true". That keeps me outta a whole LOT of hot water. I have a mouth and I'm NOT afraid to use it....LOL I'm hoping I spend more time using it for the good than I used to. Cuz it wasn't good!

Anger was always one of those 'easy to go to' emotions for me. Looking beyond the knee-jerk reflex of getting mad to see what was actually going on for me, which of the basic instincts was being messed with, took a bit of time, a bit of inventory, and a willingness to be honest. Remembering to simply 'breathe' and 'buy time' took a whole lot of training on my part.

If I thought something I made myself responsible to tell you cuz I was SURE you needed to know. LOL And HOW I delivered that wasn't a big deal......after all, I'm NOT in control of your emotions, you are. I lived in my self created world where retribution was a way of life. Do NOT piss me off--intimidation and aggression were my solutions and they worked. Giving them up for 'loving actions' was a bit of a battle. I did NOT wanna be this weak sniveling girly girl who wasn't able to stand up for herself and take care of herself.

Oh BOY did that mean a whole lotta work for me and anyone who decided they were going to try to help me.

Me and my little bitty freaking fragile alcoholic feeling-- LOL Today I'm just not as reactive, I can buy time well, and the first thought into my brain is NOT "you ##*^%^, I'm gonna take off your face and spit down your throat!!!!!!!!!!"

Dunno when that changed--but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with big, MEAN cranky oldfart sponsors and those 12 steps! LOL

[SunnyGirl]

iowama said:

"restraint of pen and tongue"

In the beginning of my recovery, I had such a difficult
time with restraint (in any form). If some one pissed
me off they d**n well knew it......

Learning not to "act on my anger" was almost a
foreign phrase. Life lessons have taught me
the road to happiness is paved with a lot of tongue
biting and gritting of my teeth. It's helped me to
realize it's not necessary for me to share my anger
with others. It's OK to back off...... I almost always
try to look at the whole picture and reason it out....
"How important is it" ~ "Do I want to be right, or do
I want to be happy" These slogans helped me to
defuse and think it all the way through before
responding...... Peace on the journey, SG

[lildee]

Anger/self-control

Well most of you know of my latest account of the ongoings here.

Intially there was anger, rage, hate you name it. But that lasted for all of about 10 minutes. My program kicked in and I worked to the bone. Keeping things in perspective, having acceptance, and gratitude and most of all my Higher Power are all keeping me sane and in control of myself. Thrilled about what happened? Not in a million years. But dealing with it , the only way to heal it. So even through the worst of times I still have my self-control.

Love & God Bless
lildee

[Lin]

Thanks SG and Lildee for the replies.

SG,...lerning not to act on our anger was also big for me. I witnessed adults acting on anger in inappropriate ways all my life. What you live with you practice and what you practice you learn.

Lildee...accep0tance and gratitude are definitely ways to keep the nager at bay.

THANKS!

LIN