Fr. chop- thoughtful/self-centered

[Lin]

This chip caught my eye today.

Thoughtful? self-centered? I honestly think today I am BOTh. (not my usualy way either!)

I am a very thoughtful person. I try very hard not to step on other's toes, to compromise so everyubody can be happy, to do kind and thoughtful things for others every day. And USUALLy i am not self-centered. But today I am. I am in the midst of a major fall allergy attack. My head is sloshy, I have a cough, my throat is extrelely sore, I can barely talk or swallow. I'm feling a bit of self pity and self centeredness. I want my allergy to disappear. And i know by past experience it has to run its course. It will be a few eeks at least. both of my jobs require that I get in front of others and project my voice and be heard. But i have very little voice. I's ticking me off.

I have a big weekend planned....planned for about a year. We have an out of town meeting on Sunday and the girls go up Saturday afternoon, get a motel, eat out and hit the big malls. I dont feel good. But i am GOING. I feel like I ambeing self-centered because my coughing will keep my room-mate awake. I can afford a room to myself, but she cant. So i am splitting the room so she can go.

Perhaps it is more of the self pity than self centeredness. Buti do feel I am putting my wants in front of those around me. So in that way i am being self centered.

Thinking aloud her...calls to mind HALT. Hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Also needs an S on the end for SICK. When i am any of these things or a combination then I dont work my program as well.

Are you thoughtful or self centered?

LIN

[lildee]

Thoughtful/ self-centered

I my humble opinion I think you have to be a little of both to be in this program. In that yes you are thoughtful about others but at the same time you have to be thoughtful of yourself. For me the bottom line is "What Is the Motivation?" for my actions. Am I acting self - centered for care of my mental state or am I just being down and out selfish? Am I concerned with my serenity and living peacefully or am I trying to control a situation or person? I feel if you can't love yourself you cannot share that love with anyone else. So in that sense if you may consider yourself selfish but I see it as a way to grow as a person. I see nothing wrong with getting your needs met so that you can be more thoughtful of others and yourself.

For many of us in program/recovery there has never been any concern for our own needs , always putting everyone else's wants first. Being a doormat at the beck and whim of those around us. By taking care of our own needs (which some may view as selfish) we learn to grow and mature. For me personally I ask myself "Is this the way God would wat me to act or behave?" and I let that guide me to my choices.

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[caressa]

In Al-Anon the slogan is THINK, in AA it is THINK, THINK, THINK, I heard a gentleman share that he could not work this slogan because he couldn't do three things at once.

It is a selfish program, and I need to do what I need to do for my recovery. I don't think that gives me license to hurt someone else along the way if it can be avoided. If I don't have me, I have nothing and neither do the people around me.

I can think of others, but it is imperative that I not take on their stuff and that I set boundaries for protection. I was told that I can only give away the overflow or I drain myself and I end up on empty, living on nervous energy and fumes instead of being positive and fueled up.