Nov. 17 Aware of others/Self-centered

[lildee]

Aware of others/Self-centered

I picked this chip today because of several things that I have seen this week.

1. Game night
2. Post on another site
3. Daughter's school grades
4. Mail

#1 Game night - Every once in awhile we have a family game night, where we pull out the board games and sit around and enjoy each others company and talk about our current ongoings. Well this week was disastrous ! The "A" just had to win. You could see the edginess and snide remarks cropping up as he was loosing. For me I couldn't care less if I won or lost. It was just a game and I was more interested in the conversation . For this I referred back to my program and "Just how important is it?" Is winning a board game going to change my life? Finally the "A" got so disgusted at loosing that he threw the playing pieces across the table and said "Who needs to play this stupid game anyway."

#2 On another site that I frequent there is a gent who is posting in the Alanon section. He is an "A". (Which I don't understand to begin with.) But anyway all he does is complain about how hurt he is because his wife divorced him. He goes on and on about his pain, not understanding the pain that he has caused.

#3 Daughter's grades - My oldest now is a Junior in HS. She is overburdened with classes, band, orchestra, and tutoring. Last year she had a French teacher who was highly incompetent. So much so that she was fired. Anyway my daughter wanted to drop French because she felt unprepared as a result of this teacher. So I sat down her her and made her look at all of her options. Will dropping this class affect your college applications? The schools that you are thinking of do they require a language? Can you handle it with tutoring? Can you drop the class? All of this was in earshot of the "A". Anyway his response was "I would have told her to tough it out." Not realizing that we all have our limitations and admitting to them is just as important as trying to be a success. So the snide remarks were flying again, but this time at my daughter. "What do you think I am going to pay for another tutor?" All without looking at the bigger picture and overheard by my daughter. Grrr !!!

#4 Mail - I know this can be a touchy subject for many. I have heard all the complaints against the Post Office. For me it is even worse as hubby is in the Postal Service. So he is under the impression that somehow I have to defend shoddy service. To make a long story short. The last two weeks I have had important registered delivery confirmation mail go undelivered. So when I said something about the poor service ... ouch it was like I was attacking him personally.

I guess what I am getting at in this chip is why can't people see beyond themselves ? Why does the focus always have to be on them? I don't know if it's my program or the way I was raised, but I always put others before myself. I look at the bigger picture and try to find other options that will work equally well.

Where is your focus? Is it on yourself or on others? Is it always mememe or others?

[caressa]

Well my friend, in the Big Book it says the nature of our disease is selfishness, self-centeredness. To be other than that, means we don't have a problem. I think when we look at our motive and intent behind our words and our actions, only we ourselves can be honest. Often I get caught up in my own denial and it is so easy to see it in others.

I am volunteering at our local jail for Al-Anon and the person I went in with sounds like he could be the fellow you are talking about. He is very sick, yet I don't think he is sees himself as such. All he could talk about was her and what she was doing.

This was a good chip for me today. I was going to go and play bridge at the senior centre that I joined at the YWCA but met a girl on my way to the market at 12:15 p.m. while I was waiting for it to start at 1:30 p.m. She had to wait until 3 p.m. to have blood work done in the hospital and she lived to far away to go home and come back from her morning appointment. It was good for both of us. I don't see her very often, so it was good to connect with her. Bridge can happen anytime. A person in need is in the moment.

[Lin]

There is a littel AA daily reader by Hazelden that has a great reading on Nov. 13 and 14. They are about puting others first. ( it MIGHT be called 24 hours a day) I was jsut reading that friday night when my hubby was to chair and wanted me to help him find a topic they dont have often. He jsut asked me to look for a reading and suggest a topic. he went from there. That was the topic I picked. Cool that this was posted on the 14th of NOv and that was the date.

I also was always puting others first. I am definitely not a MEMEME person. But I HAVE sen that quality in folks with addictions. I think they even have a name for it called KING BABY> (a lady freind who is a long time AA told me this...) If you look back at your post...you are observing another person doing the MEMEME...not you. (2 different ones in fact..and both from the other side of the hall???)



When I came to AlAnon i had to Change my thinking a bit to even want to look out for my best interest. I hadto learn to stand up for myself but in a way that did nto hurt others. I had to learn to be assertive without being bossy and pushy. I learned to ahve a balance, but i still think I do alot more of looking out for others.

My best friend here has some severe medical problems. She has to do a week of all day at the hospital port medications every month...a week a month for the rest of her life. Sometimes it leaves her wired and wide awake. She called me a couple of days ago at 1:30 AM and wanted to go to wal mart. I did. It was a work day. I had about 3 1/2 hours sleep but i got up. Tonight she called at 1. Wants to go to wal mart. She told me to jsut take my time...but she's ready when I am. I checked mail and posts and will dress and go. That's me. I will put my friend first before my sleep. I wont complain. I love her and will do what she needs.

LIN