Assertive/submissive?

[Lin]

I ws told this week that I sometimes come off a bit "bossy". Ouch! I thought I was being assertive! I know it was not submissive. I did that for many years. Perhaps i swung this pendulum too far in the right direction. Theere has to be a balance.

I co-worker told me she was taking off Sat. I asked her if she had asked the usual sub(who was in the building at the time) She said she had asked a different sub. I reminded her that we have a policy to get subs that dont have to charge mileage before we get those that do. She evidentally went to my boss and complained about me. I've worked there 1 1/2 years longer than her. There was notbody above me workign there at the time.

Perhaps I did come off bossy, in her eyes. I did not mean it that way. But I better jsut drop it.

Being assertive to me means getting what I need, without stepping on toes of tohers. It means thinking of the feelings of others and finding a compromise in a pleasant way. It means not being a doormat but doing so in a nice way. It's saying, I don't deserve that tonne of voice. It's saying I hear what you are saying..woudl this be a compromise we both can benefit from?

are you assertive of submissive?

LIN

[lildee]

Are you assertive of submissive?

Both. LOL When it comes to getting chores, bills, and daily needs met pretty assertive.

But when it comes to letting my inner emotions known submissive. I just find it hard to say to someone "you have hurt my feelings." I would rather stuff it deep down than face confrontation. Guess it's a throwback to when I was a child and wasn't allowed to feel much of anything. Hmmm guess I gotta work on this one.

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[dg]

This is something I always have to go back to and work on. I get assurative only when I feel like nothings goiing my way but often it always seem to me that it ends up with me being submissive when I am trying to be assurative.

[Lin]

Thanks for your thoughts Lildee. I can totally relate. I also had a childhood whne I was not allowed to share my feelings. So I learned to take whatever was dished out my way.

Thanks for stopiing by DG. Good to hear from you. INteresting you and Lildee both said BOTH.

LIN

[caressa]

Today I am assertive and the growth for me was overcoming being aggressive. I remember early in recovery a fellow, who isn't in the program, asked me if all women in AA were big aggressive women like me.

I used to be passive/aggressive, especial when I was angry, it was a mask and armor against fear and insecurities. Today I can be submissive when it means giving up my ideas to allow other people their space and opinion. It isn't always about being right or wrong in today and having to prove myself. It is okay to be me.