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Post by lildee on Feb 11, 2006 7:50:12 GMT -5
Loving,caring/Indifferent
I chose this chip as the problems with my daughter intensify. As a parent I feel I am obligated to be loving caring and concerned about her . But due to actions and reactions to daily on goings I am beginning to feel indifferent towards her. Trying desperately not to build resentments towards her or let her control my life. Just keep praying on this one.
Love & God Bless
Arlene
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Post by ~graced~ on Feb 11, 2006 10:48:09 GMT -5
I feel for you--as the mom who got to go through that 'gotta get indifferent so I'm not going nutzoid', I know that's a heartbreaking place to have to find yourself in.
I'm in the process of letting myself be loving and caring without laying myself open to buying the BS and grabbing on to some false 'hope'. I think(!) I've surrendered to the fact that there's a plan for the boy's life and it's the plan G-d has--it'll happen in spite of me not because of me. That pretty well frees me up to just love the child. That doesn't mean I get to set myself up for MY hopes and aspirations being met. It's not my life. Never was.....
'Indifferent' helped me survive the insanities--but life isn't about surviving.
I can love him and care about him and not let his insanities become mine.
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Post by caressa on Feb 11, 2006 14:37:36 GMT -5
I certainly identify my friend. My son landed on my doorstep a few weeks ago and I had to set a boundary. I asked him to leave when he got glued to my couch when he wasn't willing to do for himself. I can be there for him as a Mom, but I can't live his life for him. As a result, he has been working, even though he got a cold and was sick, he went and bought what he needed for his cold and was able to save his money for a place to live. He ended up at the llocal mission, but through there he got the work, so things worked out for him. He may end up back here once in a while, but as long as he does for himself and stays clean and sober, which he has been doing, then he is welcomed here. If he chooses to go out and blow his money, he is not allowed to come here. It is his choice. I do care, but tough love is difficult.
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Post by Gramm4 on Feb 11, 2006 16:26:00 GMT -5
Boy can I ever identify with what you're going through. When my son was younger and coming around all the time, I found myself trying to be indifferent to him because of his constant using.
As time went on and things didn't improve, I finally had to tell him to leave. He did so but with a lot of anger towards me. Although it hurt me to do it, I knew my own sanity depended on it.
He eventually did come back, but only when he wasn't using. Since that time we have both had a very open and honest relationship. He came to realize the problems he was causing in our relationship and did not or still does not blame me. He is still using, although not to the same extent. He now has a family of his own to take care of and I honestly feel that his using days are numbered. He now also realizes how important family's are and love and honesty.
By turning him out when he was so young, I think has taught him a very valuable life lesson. What I called TOUGH LOVE finally paid off.
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Post by Lin on Feb 11, 2006 17:23:11 GMT -5
Wonderful ship. I really enjoyed reading the posts. I dont have children...so can't really relate from your angle. But I DO know when I am more loving and caring toward others it helps everybody get along alot better.
LIN
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.