Assertive/Submissive

[caressa]

The only things that I tend to be submissive on are issues with my son. I am powerless over his disease and it has been a form of acceptance for me.

On the whole, I am an assertive person. I speak my mind and share my truth. It was freeing to know that although other people didn't agree, it was between God and I and important for me to walk my talk.

My sobriety and serenity can't come at the expense of another. It must be for the good of the whole.

[Lin]

I used to be a very submissive person..BELIEVE IT OR NOT>..lol I let others walk over me and take advantag of my good nature. I let others decide what I did and did nt do. SInce coming into recovery I have worked on my self esteem and I have done several other things to help me feel better about myself. THEN I was able to believe that I deserve to be treated with respect and I ddeserve to have my opinion heard. I am a much more assertive person today.

If I go to a restaurant I order how I want it prepared. If they dont do it that way, I send it back.

I think being assertive can easily cross voer the line to being BOSSY. To me, being assertive is saying what I need and ALSO keeping in mind the wants and needs of the other person. It means saying my side ONCe...NOT REPEATING OV ER AND OVER. iT MEANS keeping the feelings of the opther person in mind too. It's not being mean and rude about it.

Example..hubby wantd to eat out. He suggested the Chinese buffet. On the diet program I work a Chinese buffet is not very user-friendly. I said ...So am I hearing you are very hungry and want a big meal? He said yes. I said..well the Chinese buffet does not have much I can have...could we instead go to Ryan's steakhouse? It has lots of fruits and veggies as well as several kinds of meats. He agreed. He got his big meal. I got to choose from a healthier selection. I was not rude. I did not refuse to go to the place he suggested. Being assertive feels good when it works out liek this.

LIN

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing Lin. I found that when I first tried being assertive, I went from saying, "No," all the time, just o have myself heard. It was about balance, learning to compromise and not always having to be right. As you say, "Expressing my opinion" what other people did with it was another matter. LOL