Any Help Please

[msm]

I am sorry if this message will cause upset to anybody because I myself am not trying to get sober. I do not actually drink much but my husband does and it has become a problem, I guess it has always been I problem I just can't help him anymore and am at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. Mostly I am at the point where I don't want to deal with it anymore. I need advice onwhat he needs me to do and what he doesn't before its too late. I just don't understand where he is coming from and how to get him to understand that he really does have a problem.

[MrDuck]

Welcome to the board MSM. Hate to say this but of a lot of us things don't get better till they have gotten worse. I cannot speak for your husband. I am the alki and don't go to Alanon so not going to tell you what to do either. But I would suggest that you go to Alanon. Not for your husband but for you. If he does not wish to stop drinking there isn't anything that you can do for him. But there are things that you can do for yourself.

I think one that helped me a lot over the years of my drinking was that no one stuck up for me or lied for me. Not mom, never a girl friend, and God only knows my wife never did. Not saying I thought it was all that cool at the time. But it did help me to take responisbility for my own actions. I have been sober for some years now. I know that most things are a case of acceptance and gradituded and taking responsibility for my part of it.

If we play the same game over and over the score board will always read the same at the end. The way to change the ending score is to change how one plays the game.

Wish you the best.

Ron

[max]

great advice ron .. welcome msm .. we can only be responsible for us .. if we are unhappy then we must change something not expect others to .. i agree with ron, try an alanon meeting for yourself

[Lin]

Welcome MSM...as Ron and Max said..the best thing you can do right now is find an alanon meeting. Go to the meeting. They won't tell you to leave him, theywon't tell you to stay. They won't tell you how to change him...they will gently guide you to understand that you can't change them...they won't until they get ready. Like Ron said..once they feel the consequences of their actions, they often decide it is time to do something about it. AlAnon will help you find peace and serenity even if they continue to drink.

I found alanon 14 years ago. I was ready to leave my usband, but I stayed. because of alanon we wil celebrate 39 years marriage in a few weeks. It allowed me to make some sense of his illness, to understand and accept what was mine to change and what was not, and gave me tools to not only survive, but thrive.

And by the way...most of my 39 years of marrriage my husband has continued to drink. he did several sober spurts...30 days, 90 days and once even 2 years. But that's it. ANd I am still here and I am happy with my life.

Best of luck.
LIN

[dg]

Hi MSM,.
Welcome to EOR. You got some great advice there. If I may I would also like to suggest to you, is the Alanon books Courage to Change, and One day at a time in Alanon books. It can be a good guiding tools on a everyday basis to what you are going thru.
I wish you luck and keep coming back. take care.

[preciouschihua]

Hang in there and try to attend Al-Anon meetings.
Suzanne

[caressa]

He has to quit for himself. You are powerless over his alcoholism. Alcoholism is a disease. It needs treating. It affects those around the person drinking and for me, I took on their symptoms. I needed help too and went to Al-Anon; even though I was a clean and sober addict myself in recovery for several years. I am the daughter of an alcoholic, was married to an alcoholic and my son is a self-admitted alcoholic.

[manfreddy1]

Hi, You have to change your own life. You have to become strong. You need to surround yourself around positive people who have or are going through what you are going through. It is a great comfort to be with folks who know the pain you are dealing with because their advice comes straight from the heart. You could consider Alanon. It is a comforting place. I also found comfort in books that i found at Borders or Amazon on-line or in the store. There is power in words, especially when you discover that you are dealing with someone who has a sickness. You need to understand what this disease is all about. Wisdom brings strength. Teach yourself all about it and in that knowledge, you will begin to feel better. Keep a diary. You can express your personal feelings on paper. It can be a sort of an outlet for pent up frustrations. Don't let your husband know you have one or he might want to read it and that would defeat the purpose of it. Keep reading the posts here. Your husband must make the decision to get well. You can wish with all of your heart that maybe tomorrow or the next day or the next year, it will get better. It won't if he dosn't want it. You can love and help yourself. You are not responsible for his drinking. Trust me. We are never responsible for someone else's behavior. They are living in a life of irrationality. You are rational. The two don't mix. I almost went crazy myself with my marriage. I loved my husband. I wanted to fix him. It almost killed me. But, I made it to the other side and life is good again.