Post by justonemore on Jan 28, 2008 10:33:17 GMT -5
hi everyone. I dont even know where to start...I've never done anything like this before, ever. I am a 23 year old mother of one beautiful, lovely, happy little girl. Her father and I are together and plan on getting married. Overall, I love my life.
But, I am an addict. I've always known this. The first time I heard someone describe an 'addictive personality' to me, I knew that's what I had. I find it very frustrating and unfair that my brain works this way. I think that is one reason I am starting to feel I have a problem. The guilt I feel sometimes can be so overwhelming. I promise myself I wont drink for a week, then I drink the next day. I promise myself I will stop after 3 and I end up drinking 8. I promise myself I will stay home this weekend and watch movies with my boyfriend, it never happens. I find myself making excuse, mostly in my head, for reasons to drink. I find myself thinking about drinking when I'm stressed, had a bad day, when I'm fighting with my boyfriend, when my plans fall through, just about anything anymore is a reason to drink. I know that's a bad sign. Not only am I finding excuse to drink, I am also trying to justify my drinking. Like, on a random weeknight while I'm sitting at home with my boyfriend, I decide to drink a couple beers. No big deal, a lot of people drink a couple beers a night. But I also know that it's not ok or normal to do this, then get plastered every single weekend. On average, I would say I drink at least 25-30 beers a week. Yikes, I've never even looked at it that way.
i'm worried about myself. I keep telling myself that this is just a phase, and I'll cut back on my drinking. But I can't remember the last time I went a week, or even 5 days without a drink. I'm scared that I'm not going to be a good parent if I keep this up. I'm scared that I will eventually destroy my relationship if I don't get this under control. There are soooo many reasons why I need to do something, but getting that buzz always seems to outweigh everything else. I dont know what to do anymore.
But, I am an addict. I've always known this. The first time I heard someone describe an 'addictive personality' to me, I knew that's what I had. I find it very frustrating and unfair that my brain works this way. I think that is one reason I am starting to feel I have a problem. The guilt I feel sometimes can be so overwhelming. I promise myself I wont drink for a week, then I drink the next day. I promise myself I will stop after 3 and I end up drinking 8. I promise myself I will stay home this weekend and watch movies with my boyfriend, it never happens. I find myself making excuse, mostly in my head, for reasons to drink. I find myself thinking about drinking when I'm stressed, had a bad day, when I'm fighting with my boyfriend, when my plans fall through, just about anything anymore is a reason to drink. I know that's a bad sign. Not only am I finding excuse to drink, I am also trying to justify my drinking. Like, on a random weeknight while I'm sitting at home with my boyfriend, I decide to drink a couple beers. No big deal, a lot of people drink a couple beers a night. But I also know that it's not ok or normal to do this, then get plastered every single weekend. On average, I would say I drink at least 25-30 beers a week. Yikes, I've never even looked at it that way.
i'm worried about myself. I keep telling myself that this is just a phase, and I'll cut back on my drinking. But I can't remember the last time I went a week, or even 5 days without a drink. I'm scared that I'm not going to be a good parent if I keep this up. I'm scared that I will eventually destroy my relationship if I don't get this under control. There are soooo many reasons why I need to do something, but getting that buzz always seems to outweigh everything else. I dont know what to do anymore.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.