Post by themostanonymous on Jun 12, 2008 12:47:52 GMT -5
I thought that I may have posted my message on the wrong board. I'm a bit lost now on what I need to do with my life but I have decided that this site is a good place to start. I figured I'd post some of my history so you can understand where I'm coming from and hopefully give me some advice.
I know this may seem like a strange subject line as I'm sure that 99% of the people that ask this question do, but I feel like I'm in a weird position. Let me explain...
I grew up in a happy, very religious, and wealthy family. Neither of my parents drank at all as a result of my great grandfather being an alcoholic. When I was 14 I was first introduced to pot. I smoked occasionally and by the time I was 15 I smoked daily. Daily smoking and lying about it to my (amy) girlfriend resulted in our first and second break up. It was no big deal to me at the time but now I see how this pattern repeated. About that same time I started to drink. I only drank on the weekends and not all of them. When I was a sophomore in highschool I moved on to Adderall (amphetamines). I initially used them to help me study in school. My use slowly increased until I was up to 140 mg a day. I would stay up for days, but no one would notice. During my junior year I had chest pains so bad that I told the student next to me what I had taken so that he could tell the doctors if I did have a heart attack. After that I stopped using the drug. I started doing ecstasy (only 5-6 times in my life) and Mushrooms (about 8 times) but these drugs I've never been addicted to by any means.
My senior year I continued to smoke daily and used benzodiazapines (Xanax, Valium) and pain killers (Vicodin, Roxycontin, percocet). During my senior year I was the number 1 wrestler in California after getting second in the state my junior year. I took the xanax the night before regionals and that was when I lost to some scrub. I'm convinced it was the after affects of the drug, I would of destroyed the two kids I lost to. This was the first time that drugs really affected my life. I was very angry at myself and started drinking/partying and still doing the pills.
When I went to college I decided I wanted to change my life. I stopped doing all of the drugs but continued to drink heavily. I want you to understand that's college and i went to a huge party school. I would go out 3-4 night a week depending on my class load. Sometimes we day drank but not that often. After my freshmen year I joined a fraternity that had a moderate use of drugs and drank heavily. I began smoking pot again on a regular basis (5-6 times a day) and the drinking increased. I began to use cocaine when I partyed but never really had a liking for it (it seemed like way overpriced adderall). I started taking adderall again to help with school and became semi addicted. I got to the point where I would steal adderall from my friends to get them. Drinking level increased during this time but not that much.
When my junior year hit I stopped doing adderall and smoked/drank continuously. After my 21st I drank over 10 beers for 32 days (I kept track thinking it was cool and fratty). Typically on party night 10 beers would turn into 20 or more. Once I noticed I was drinking way too much I started smoking pot as a subsitute. I smoked daily and drank 3 night a week or so with a few beers during the day and maybe two in the morning.
I left out the fact that I had been dating a girl for 2 years at this time. The girl I want to marry and the girl that has recommended me to get help. We had broken up the summer before my junior year started because I had lied about doing drugs to her. We started talking again after the 1st semester junior year. I stopped all my drug usage at this point. I was committed to this girl, but my drinking started to pick up. It started with getting blackout at the bar (wasn't that rare of an occurence in college). Then I found myself drinking in the afternoon or morning before class. I got to the point where I would usually have 3-4 beers in me by 11am. I almost never drank liquor. I'd drink after class as well. On my "non-drinking" days I would usually have anywhere from 4-8 beers. Drinking days were usually 20-24 and these occured 3 times a week.
My girlfriend broke up with me after I cheated on her as a result of taking cocaine and drinking. I don't mean that these were an excuse, only a small factor. I take full responsibility for my actions. Anyway after we broke up the drinking continued. I don't feel like I'm out of control. On the weekends I wake up at noon and start drinking at 3-4 pm. I usually drink about 20 beers when I go out. Now that I'm back at home I don't drink as much. I've gone for 4 days without any withdrawal symptoms, but usually when I don't drink I do a different drug (benzo's or pot).
I don't feel like I have a physical addiction to alcohol or any drug at all. For some reason I just must get SOME fix. It doesn't really matter what it is. I think I would make a fool of myself at AA meetings because I'm not your hardcore alcoholic. I wouldn't even say that I'm mentally addicted to alcohol, just a fix in general. I can change my drug of choice at any time, I just feel like alcohol is the most socially acceptable.
I also want to add that while I have some substance abuse problems and I admit I have an addictive personality my life is not in the nutster yet. I have a 3.67 GPA and I'm on my way to medical school. I have a great group of friends and a wonderful girlfriend (ex). A supporting family and everything. I just for some reason can't beat this.
I don't think rehab is what I need. I don't have that physical addiction to deal with. Do you think I need therapy? or maybe I'm just being weak. I always tell myself that I can stop, but everytime I try I either come back a few months later or switch to a different drug. I've tried to stop doing substances 4 or 5 times without any success. My girlfriend told me to go to therapy because she did for her anxiety problem. I'm not sure if they can help me in the same way they helped her... Any suggestions on how I can get help would be GREATLY appreciated. Im really thankful for those who actually made it through the whole post.
Also does anyone know any links that could explain these addiction stopping "tools" I keep hearing about? Thanks
I know this may seem like a strange subject line as I'm sure that 99% of the people that ask this question do, but I feel like I'm in a weird position. Let me explain...
I grew up in a happy, very religious, and wealthy family. Neither of my parents drank at all as a result of my great grandfather being an alcoholic. When I was 14 I was first introduced to pot. I smoked occasionally and by the time I was 15 I smoked daily. Daily smoking and lying about it to my (amy) girlfriend resulted in our first and second break up. It was no big deal to me at the time but now I see how this pattern repeated. About that same time I started to drink. I only drank on the weekends and not all of them. When I was a sophomore in highschool I moved on to Adderall (amphetamines). I initially used them to help me study in school. My use slowly increased until I was up to 140 mg a day. I would stay up for days, but no one would notice. During my junior year I had chest pains so bad that I told the student next to me what I had taken so that he could tell the doctors if I did have a heart attack. After that I stopped using the drug. I started doing ecstasy (only 5-6 times in my life) and Mushrooms (about 8 times) but these drugs I've never been addicted to by any means.
My senior year I continued to smoke daily and used benzodiazapines (Xanax, Valium) and pain killers (Vicodin, Roxycontin, percocet). During my senior year I was the number 1 wrestler in California after getting second in the state my junior year. I took the xanax the night before regionals and that was when I lost to some scrub. I'm convinced it was the after affects of the drug, I would of destroyed the two kids I lost to. This was the first time that drugs really affected my life. I was very angry at myself and started drinking/partying and still doing the pills.
When I went to college I decided I wanted to change my life. I stopped doing all of the drugs but continued to drink heavily. I want you to understand that's college and i went to a huge party school. I would go out 3-4 night a week depending on my class load. Sometimes we day drank but not that often. After my freshmen year I joined a fraternity that had a moderate use of drugs and drank heavily. I began smoking pot again on a regular basis (5-6 times a day) and the drinking increased. I began to use cocaine when I partyed but never really had a liking for it (it seemed like way overpriced adderall). I started taking adderall again to help with school and became semi addicted. I got to the point where I would steal adderall from my friends to get them. Drinking level increased during this time but not that much.
When my junior year hit I stopped doing adderall and smoked/drank continuously. After my 21st I drank over 10 beers for 32 days (I kept track thinking it was cool and fratty). Typically on party night 10 beers would turn into 20 or more. Once I noticed I was drinking way too much I started smoking pot as a subsitute. I smoked daily and drank 3 night a week or so with a few beers during the day and maybe two in the morning.
I left out the fact that I had been dating a girl for 2 years at this time. The girl I want to marry and the girl that has recommended me to get help. We had broken up the summer before my junior year started because I had lied about doing drugs to her. We started talking again after the 1st semester junior year. I stopped all my drug usage at this point. I was committed to this girl, but my drinking started to pick up. It started with getting blackout at the bar (wasn't that rare of an occurence in college). Then I found myself drinking in the afternoon or morning before class. I got to the point where I would usually have 3-4 beers in me by 11am. I almost never drank liquor. I'd drink after class as well. On my "non-drinking" days I would usually have anywhere from 4-8 beers. Drinking days were usually 20-24 and these occured 3 times a week.
My girlfriend broke up with me after I cheated on her as a result of taking cocaine and drinking. I don't mean that these were an excuse, only a small factor. I take full responsibility for my actions. Anyway after we broke up the drinking continued. I don't feel like I'm out of control. On the weekends I wake up at noon and start drinking at 3-4 pm. I usually drink about 20 beers when I go out. Now that I'm back at home I don't drink as much. I've gone for 4 days without any withdrawal symptoms, but usually when I don't drink I do a different drug (benzo's or pot).
I don't feel like I have a physical addiction to alcohol or any drug at all. For some reason I just must get SOME fix. It doesn't really matter what it is. I think I would make a fool of myself at AA meetings because I'm not your hardcore alcoholic. I wouldn't even say that I'm mentally addicted to alcohol, just a fix in general. I can change my drug of choice at any time, I just feel like alcohol is the most socially acceptable.
I also want to add that while I have some substance abuse problems and I admit I have an addictive personality my life is not in the nutster yet. I have a 3.67 GPA and I'm on my way to medical school. I have a great group of friends and a wonderful girlfriend (ex). A supporting family and everything. I just for some reason can't beat this.
I don't think rehab is what I need. I don't have that physical addiction to deal with. Do you think I need therapy? or maybe I'm just being weak. I always tell myself that I can stop, but everytime I try I either come back a few months later or switch to a different drug. I've tried to stop doing substances 4 or 5 times without any success. My girlfriend told me to go to therapy because she did for her anxiety problem. I'm not sure if they can help me in the same way they helped her... Any suggestions on how I can get help would be GREATLY appreciated. Im really thankful for those who actually made it through the whole post.
Also does anyone know any links that could explain these addiction stopping "tools" I keep hearing about? Thanks
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.