removing chaos from my life.....

[SunnyGirl]

removing chaos from my life.....

I am living in a world of my own making, I refuse to
allow others disrupt my serenity.

I am a sounding board for my big sis (the stable one)
I try to keep her on an even keel and not allow herself
to become embroiled in my younger sisters drama.

Taking the focus off the addict and putting me first
has greatly enriched my life. I refuse to argue, I refuse
to take the bait! One sided arguments are difficult to
keep going when there is no participation other than
yourself.

Younger Sis is now in the middle of a major pity party
and those invited have declined the invite...........
I truly believe she hates herself, but she is caught up
in an addiction that is robbing her of any and all happiness
that may come her way.

I love her and spent a great deal of my life trying to "help"
her. Now the time has come for her to help herself.....

Just for today I will "Let Go and Let God"

Peace on the journey..... ~SunnyGirl~

[Lin]

Let go and let God...great reminder. I needed to hear that today!
LIN

[SunnyGirl]

Aug 4, 2008 7:23:36 GMT -5 Lin said:

Let go and let God...great reminder. I needed to hear that today!
LIN

(((((((( LIN )))))))))

Have a great day.......... ~SunnyGirl~

[caressa]

I don't see my sister's too often. Called my youngest one the other day to say "Hi how are you, are you still in the land of the living." Family can be chaos if I allow it. It is better to detach and let go and let God. I shared that with a friend at our Al-Anon meeting acouple of weeks ago. I don't have a physical one, but do have a mental God Box. Works for me!

[Lin]

This was an earlier post, but I jsutread it again.

I don't always "REMOVE" the chaos in my life. It's jsut there....no much I can do abtu alot of it. I have just learned to deal wiht it in a healthier way.

When we are at a dysfunctional family gathering and the arguing starts, I go play withthe little kids...stay out of the arguments...just not totally leave the dinner. Whensomeone is drunk and trying to push my buttons, I dont actuall leave the house, I mostly just refuse to get sucked into the arguments and the drama. Refusing to argue stops an argument. It takes two for th banter to happen. The more times I refused to argue, the less times he tried to push my buttons.
LIN

[SunnyGirl]

Technically I am not removing the chaos from my life,
I am removing myself from the chaos. Like you
I will walk away from situations that I know will cause
me agitation or pain. For me, it's great to know that
I have that choice..... H.U.G.S. ~SG~

[caressa]

It has been my experience that often, I have to find the peace within myself to live in the chaos. This weekend was a good example of that. When you get 96 tables of bridge players, each with four people at a table, plus the director, assistant directors, the runners and the tournament coordinator, you are looking at a lot of people, noise, confusion, and what I called organized chaos. There was a bigger crowd on Saturday and yet I had much better results and played a much better game. I don't have to leave the room to detach. When they gave out prizes in the middle of a hand I was playing, I was quite content to continue the hand but the other players at the table were upset by the chaos it created. My fibromyalgia makes me sensitive to noise and I am grateful for the program that allows me to participate in it.

I find also that when my son visits, he turns up the TV a lot louder than I do. It is okay, but once it interferes with my reading or thoughts when I am on the computer or in my easy chair, then I ask him to turn it down. I generally get some yeah buts out of him and it is generally the commercial or the music, etc. but he complies when I set the boundary. The alternative would be to ask him not to come, and that isn't an option for me in today. It isn't because he helps me out, or fear of what he will get into when he leaves, but me being accepting of him in his disease and loving him in spite of it because he is my son. He isn't allowed to use and he knows that. Many times he has said he would come and didn't because of his addiction, he didn't show up. It is better when he does that than showing up reeking of booze and passing out in my apartment. He passed out on my bathroom floor one time. It is small. He is 6'3" tall. It was a close fit and he never bumped his head to my knowledge. I was glad I didn't have to use the facilities I don't think I could have moved him.

When I went for dinner with the members of my bridge club, ten of us sat at the table. Every one of them had a drink but me. The place was packed, the music was playing, and everyone had separate bills which helped alleviate some of the disorder of so many people. I am not sure what I would have done if I had been the waitress, that would have been a different story. Three hamburgers with fries each ordered differently and which one belongs to who? She kept it simple. She asked!

There was a time prior to recovery I would have had to leave the room with half the people that were there let alone the crowds in the tournament or the restaurant. I believe in miracles, I am one.

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks for sharing Caressa

I liked the example about your son, I am also dealing with
a son who is addicted to alcohol and a sis that is addicted
to prescription drugs and alcohol.

When my kids were young, I ran them to all sorts of sports
activities and games and was on the little league board
as well. Add this to working full time and car pooling to
get them to school, there was much chaos as a result. I
found by simplifying my life and asking for what I need from
my boys, misc. family, friends, etc etc. The more simple our
lives are, the less chaos can occur. Those that come into
my home bringing chaos with them are asked to check it
at the door.

My daughter and I have topics that we "agree to disagree"
about and no longer get into heavy discussions on them,
as they can become chaotic and create arguments.

If my son comes in "stunad" (stupid drunk) I will walk away
and refuse to have any conversation with him (if he was
driving I take his keys).

If my sis calls and sounds impaired, I cut the call short and
just say, "sorry I can't talk right now".

My objective is to create serenity around me and keep
the chaos as far away from me as I can.... ODAT

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[Ron]

I would not want all chaos removed from my life. Now don't get me wrong. I don't like a lot of chaos but I do believe I need a certain amount of it to keep me sane. In a perfect world maybe I wouldn't need any. But in my imperfect world I need a certain amount of it for my own sanity.

Have a great day.

Ron

[caressa]

If I remember rightly, I use to make chaos if there wasn't any around. God and I are still working on that one. I am just grateful that I don't have the extreme highs and lows. Bumps I can handle, climbing up was never one of my strong points and it is a long way down when you are put on a pedestal and you fall off. Let's just say, I like things to be 'intersting' and too much sameness can be boring.