Apathy......

[SunnyGirl]

Every single time I talk to my Mom (she has dementia) she
asks me if I have spoken to my younger sister (addict).
Her next question is why not? I don't quite know how to
answer her why, but the first thought that comes to my
mind is apathy.

The last 4 times I spoke with Sis and or brother-in-law
they involved a lot of bad feelings and accusations. I
don't feel I did or said anything wrong or owe any amends
for anything I said, I just have no desire to speak to her.
I don't feel angry, I just feel a total lack of emotion or feelings
toward the two of them. I don't know that this will always be
the way I feel but just for today the word is apathy.......

Hugs to each of you reading..... SunnyGirl

[MrDuck]

I maybe shouldn't respond in this section of the board as I am not a member of nar alanon. But got here before I realized where I was.

This is what the on line diictionary says about Apathy
1 : lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness
2 : lack of interest or concern : indifference

I don't hate a lot of people. Will even help them if needed. But do I like everyone. nawwwww I have a my oldest brother I have seen twice in the last mmmmmmmm 30 years or so. Last time was at a funderal in Oregon. He lives in Denver and I live in Minnesota. We are about 900 miles away. Last time I saw him I thought it would be nice if he had a picture taken together as there is no picture of us period. And the odds of us seeing each other again where slim. His response was no. I don't know what his reason was for not having one with me other than he has always had a chip on his shoulder about me being more like dad than him. Not much I can do about that. Sure wasn't my choice believe me. Anyway. I have since been in Denver twice. Have I seen him or called him? No. Do I plan on it? No. My sister always asked me if I am going to call him and my answer is, no. She reminds me that we are all getting older and going to died. That surely is a fact. It is also a fact that the phone line goes two directions. I use to call him a few times a year and he never once called me other than when he wanted me to help him move. Do I hate the guy. No. I just don't see any reason to try ride a dead horse. He has shown no signs of wanting any kind of relationship with me and I am done trying. Lack of feelings for him, pretty much. Lack of interest or concern, pretty much. Sure some will say it is not nice to have lack of feelings and interest and concerns for your own brother but facts are facts. I have more peace of mind in not trying to make a relationship and just let it happen. You can't force someone to like you. But one can do things to distroy a relationship.

Have a good one my friend,

Ron

( Maybe for Sunny I should go TWEET TWEET she might understand that better than QUACK QAUCK)

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks for the reply Ron....

I guess the old saying, "you can pick your friends, but you
can't pick your family" is true for people other than myself.

I love my sister, but I don't like her! I have no desire to
spend any time with her as we can never agree to disagree.
She is just difficult to be around and after many years of
fighting to have a relationship, I am just tired.

Glad you posted the definition of apathy......
The word that jumped out at me was indifference and lack
of feeling. I guess that pretty well sums it up!

Thank you for sharing about your brother, it's good to know
I'm not the only person to feel that way towards a family
member.

Thank you my friend...... SG

[Lin]

Ron..you are welcome to post in any section you wish. This is a family disease. We all have a freind of family memeb who is an alkie or an addict...right? I'd guess youhave alot of close friends who are. So you "qualify" for all of the programs...not sust the one you attend most often.

I have a brother I tolerate. I dont like him, but I get along with him. I am a Christian and so are the memebrs of my family and extended family. During college, my older brother decided the scientific explanations of creation was the only true way and he totally turned his back on any religion. HE brags that he is an athiest now. If we have a family dinner and our neice says the blessing, he leaves the room so he wont have to listen to the "christian propaganda". He has a right to his beliefs as do the rest of us.

That's jsut one of the reasons I dont like to be around him. ANother is when my mother wa dying of cancer, she had a surgery. She came to my house to recuperate in quiet since my younger brother and his 3 young kids lived with her. WHile she was at my house...2 months before her death, my older brother came over while I was at school, took her to the lawyar and had her change her will where he got 2 buildings worth over 100,000 each and my sister and I got one small rental house each valued at abotu 18,000. When I learned of it, I told him that is not fair and our dad woudlhave wanted things to be fair. He said,..he's the oldest so he deserves to get more.

There are more...but I wont go into it.

Just know I do go around him because I enjoy his family. I jsut dont go out of my way to mush and gush over him. It's not worth my time. that may be apathy..may be common sense.

LIN

[caressa]

Good shares, I can identify. I love my sister but there sure are things she says and does that I don't like. The same with my son. I have to look at the person behind the disease and it isn't always easy.