Meddling

[SunnyGirl]

meddle: to concern oneself with or take part in other
people's affairs without being asked or needed; interfere
(in or with)

I am about 1,100 miles removed from this situation, but just
a phone call away.....

Mom's new husband is not happy that younger Sister is not
paying any of the utility bills. Sis and her husband (both addicts)
are living in my Mom's house rent free, buying groceries only for
the two of them. Mom(85) and Hubby(88) moved into his house, in town
because he could no longer cope with the situation. Mom is
like a goose, she gets up in a new world every day (dementia),
I want to try to protect her from these problems.

I keep thinking I should try to do something to make this
situation better for all concerned. But then again I wonder
if my meddling will only make matters worse.

All I can think of now is, how can these people take advantage
of my Mom. She is the one paying for electricity, etc. etc. etc.
I'd very much like to call and tell my sister "exactly" what I
think of her.......

Just for today the acronym, MYOB, keeps running thru my head.
I suppose I'll just hunker down and keep circling the thoughts
in my head and figure out a good coarse of action......

Hugs to each reading this..... SunnyGirl

[MrDuck]

Have one question for you Tweety. Did anyone ask you to get envolved? My favorite daughter gave me some very good advice a couple years ago that I still remember when I feel like voluntering my 2 cents. I made a comment about son in law ( her hubby). My dear sweet little daughter got a stern look on her face and looked me straight in the eye and said, "It's now of your fuc... business. IS IT?" Dern that stung. As much as I hate to admit it. She was right. It wasn't any of my business.

Take care,

Ron

( wonder if I trimed her beak if it would help QUACK QUACK QAUCH)

[SunnyGirl]

((((Ron))))

Sounds to me like your daughter was spot on.
I think by the time I hit the button to "post reply"
I had pretty much talked myself out of it, but
I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it!

Oh, by the way, I have this slender little beak and
I say tweet tweet tweet, I am not able to make
that grating noise that you do. ;D

You on the other hand have a honker and it is a
rather loud QQQQQUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKK
It could quite possibly raise the dead..........

Thanks for the reply my friend, SG

[MrDuck]

Thanks for the smile. This one really QUACKED me up. Seriously it had me laughing out loud. I did enjoy reading it.

Thanks again,

Ron

[caressa]

I was told it wasn't any of my business what other people thought of me and none of their business what I thought of them.

Which ever way you look at it, I'm being told to shut my mouth which isn't an easy thing for me to do at any time.

[SunnyGirl]

I suppose keeping my mouth shut is one of the most difficult
things I have ever had to learn. It's a moment by moment
process for me.............. SG

[Lin]

I can do prettty well staying out of other people's business these days. One of my freinds used to say..I look at the situation and see if it is MINE to handle. If nt..I walk away and say. IT'S NOT MY DUCK. (no offense RON)

The Serenity prayer helps me the most....accept the things you can ...wisdom to know the difference. If it is not something I need to handle, I let it go and let those in charge handle it.

If the step father had a house and they had a place to move...GREAT. He handled it. Now if they decide they dont want to support daughter and son in law, they can evist them or they can jsut turn off the utilities from their name.

I knew a realator once who could not get somebody to move out of a rental house and he did not want to go the long route of the legal eviction process. He jsut went over, the coldest day of the year and took off the front door. He wsaid he wante dto get a new door and was not sure how long it woudl take to get it in and installed. They moved right out.

LIN

[caressa]

Not sure that taking the door off is the Spiritual solution, although it worked, it reminds me of my old way of thnking. I generally try to turn things over and ask for direction and my own personal knowingness for the good of the whole. It isn't about me against the word but me being a part of life in a healthy and loving way. As you say, the Serenity Prayer works and works in all areas of my life.

[SunnyGirl]

Caressa.....

Most business people and companies do not look for a spiritual
way to conduct business. Sometimes you just have to get creative.
I may look for a softer gentler way to conduct my business, but
but even after much prayer and soul searching, sometimes you
just have to be firm and to the point. I kinda thought the realator
was rather ingenious..... Hugs, SG

[SunnyGirl]

Lin,

Utilities are in Mom's name and I am certain she will not
turn them off, this is her baby daughter (57) and she has
always been hands on taking care of that baby.

I guess the best part of posting this, it has convinced me
that it is not my job to fix this situation. Giving Mom advice
she will not use, is useless, step Dad will do what he will
do. My hands are tied and my best thoughts tell me to
stay completely away from this..... Hugs, SG

[caressa]

I know the business world doesn't do things spiritually. For me, it isn't about what others do, it is my reaction to it.

Isn't it amazing how many people need this program and don't know it. I don't know about Al-Anon and Nar-Anon in the U.S. but here the meetings are quite small in comparison to our AA meetings. When I look at an AA meeting, I figured Al-Anon should be at least 3 times as big considering how many people I hurt on my journey and I am sure others have too.

I try to live a spiritual life and take my program into the community. i.e. My bridge club, when I volunteer at the senior centre and our local jail, when shopping, when I went to school, etc. I try to practice the principles in all my affairs. As my sponsor says, "Practice, practice, practice."

[SunnyGirl]

((( Caressa )))

Just a thought.....

2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you,
that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

I am a firm believer in lending a helping hand to any one
that needs it. I will feed them.... I will house them...
I will do anything I can to help them.

But there are people out there that find it easier to rely
on that help and make no attempt to help themselves.

Ben Franklin said it well:

"God helps those who help themselves"

Having owned a business, I ran it according to "my spiritually"...
I fed a man and his young son, allowed them to do some odd
jobs about the restaurant and gave them money for the gasoline
it would take them to get home. We also had a resident bum
who would come by daily looking for a handout, I did not give
him anything. A judgment call on my part...... My reaction to
this man was he found it easier to ask for a hand out instead of
a hand up.

I love the Al-Anon program...... I am surprised as well, that more
AA members haven't reaped the benefits of it.

Have a great day..... Sunnygirl

[Lin]

I am also surprised at that Sg. My Monday night meeting has 6 on a very slow night and up to 30 on a better night. When we have our 12 or so regulars, 6 of them are sober in AA for 10 to 30 years. It's awesome to see how their experience can help al of us there.

I see alanon as a great program for living...and all you have to do to "qualify" is have a freind of family memebr who has an addiction to alcohol. That means every person in AA also "qualifies" for AlAnon...

I try to do business in a very generous way. I'd also give food and shelter to folks who need it. I jsut hate to see peopel who are capable of working and woudl rather live off the taxpaers.We have an ex-relative..he was on drugs so much he says he is unable to work. . He got 100% disability and wont work at all...but he sure is able to ge drunk, drive around with his child in the car,buy cigarettes, drugs, etc.

LIN

[caressa]

It has been my experience too that you can't help those who don't want to help themselves. I also learned that sometimes, charity starts at home. My spiritual advisor told me to make sure that I topped up myself and only give away the overflow. I didn't do that for too many years and was always experiencing burn out. My sponsor use to say, "Don't give away more than you can afford." That limited me because I had a small income, yet I felt I could give time and energy, now I don't have much of that any more. This has been a good week, I have made it down to the cafe just about every day.

Our meeting has 8-12 people. The meetings on the whole lately have had a big decrease in numbers. AA Meetings that use to have 30-40 people are down to 20-30. We have three AA members and one NA member that come to our Al-Anon meeting. I am sure there are more but I don't get out to other meetings although we have a meeting every night of the week. Not all meetings are wheel chair accessible and I can't get in with my walker.

I helped a girl and her daughter. Had them in my home and helped her out. She doesn't go to meeting now and she doesn't speak to me. That is okay, she is still clean and sober.