"Days of Our Lives".....

[SunnyGirl]

"Days of Our Lives".....

I've watched this soap opera off and on for many years,
alot of the same characters and the same stuff over and over.
I sure hope Marlena and John Black get back to normal
I tune in every day to find out the latest scoop......

Lately I keep thinking that a soap opera based on my family
just might appeal to many who are addicted to trauma-dramas.
The dramatic scenes might be a little scary for those who are
terrified of conflicts and fits of rage. But then you'd have the
codependents, who you could count on to be over-indulgent and
carrying large signs that say "kick me".

My family soap-opera doesn't air on TV, but it does play every
day. But the good news is, I can turn down the volume and
I no longer allow it to affect my life or my moods. I will sit on
my hands rather than to call the "A" and let them know what I
think of their last escapade. My older Sis lives right in the middle
of it, between my Mom's dementia and the younger Sis and hubby
acting up again, they are causing a lot of stress. I listen to
big Sis vent and fill me in on the latest, then we both conclude
it is out of our hands.

Detachment is watching this soap-opera occur without any
emotional involvement. I last spoke to younger sis just
before Christmas and she was still blaming all her problems
on me. I told her I am done, I love you, but I can not do
this anymore. I pray she has a happy healthy life, but I
am fully committed to "letting go and letting God"......

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[MrDuck]

You sure your sister doesn't hang out with my oldest brother. The guy is still blaming our dad and dad has been dead for 32 years. Haven't talked to him 10 years or so. He use to be ticked at me because I looked the most like dad and had more of dad's characteristics than him. As if I could help that. da It was hard for me and him to carry on a decent conversation. He is Mr Negative and I am on the positive side. I don't hate my brother. Just don't have a lot going for him. The man is very intelligent. Sad to see it just waste away.

But if someone in the family has to be that way I am sure glad it isn't me.

Have a great day, unless of course you have other plans.

Ron

[SunnyGirl]

Ron, thanks for the reply.....

My sister truly believes that "denial", is that river in Egypt.

She has convinced herself that everyone around her is out to
get her and we are "responsible" for every single thing that
has gone wrong in her life. I'm guessing this trait is a result
of her drinking and drugging since her teen years.

I've read Psychiatrist's take their patients back to early
childhood, to get to the root of their problems. I'm not
a doctor but...... putting the blame for a life time of bad
behavior, on a parent, is not helpful. And even if they
were abusive parents, at some point a person has to
step up and accept responsibility for the mess their life
became. We live what we learn..... OK, now I can identify
the problem and find the tools to change.

Hanging on to problems and resentments that one had
with a brother or father or anyone is not productive.
Don't understand why your brother resents you.....
Don't understand why my sister blames me.......

The way I look at it.....

It's her problem, not mine! "What other people think about
me, is none of my business"......

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[MrDuck]

Normally don't read nor post in anything out side of coffee shop. Not a member of NA so if it offens anyone that I posted here won't do it again.

Anyway going back to what this post is all about to me it boils down to acceptance. Not going to get in to that all of things and will try my best to make a short story out of a long one.

My dad was pretty interesting in many ways. Up till till I was about 31 I was sure he was an A #1 butthole to. At any rate my brother always wanted to be like the interesting part of the old man and just could never accept that he wasn't what the old man was. He could not accept the fact that though no fault of my own I was more like the side of the old man he wanted to be.

The bottom line is ACCECPTANCE. The family including sister in laws and brother in laws had almost as big a chip on their shoulders about how the old man treated me as I did. But at 31 I accepted the old man for being the way he was and moved on. Actually I think he did me a favor for treating me the way he did. Was much fun living though things but the end result was great. It made me who I am today and I am ok with me. I have accepted me.

I have never read the book intitled I'M OK, YOUR OK. But the title of it says a lot. Sounds to me like another of them acceptance things.

I do not talk to my brother. Do I hate him. No. I accept him for the way he is. If he choose not to accept me that is his choice. My live does not revolve around wether he accepts me or not. It revolves around wether Ron accepts Ron.

Have a great day,

Ron

[SunnyGirl]

Not a member of NA so if it offends anyone that I posted here won't do it again.

Many years ago, I posted on the AA board and was chastised
for it, so I understand you asking about it. Kathleen made it
very clear the the boards were open to all... I realize Max is
the man now, but he has never challenged the original concept.

Did you notice what it says in each section?

Message board for open discussions

I would take it to mean that anyone can participate in the
discussion. I appreciate your ESH, getting an opinion from
the other side of the hall is always a good thing. Besides,
I'd venture to guess you have a friend or family member that
may be a substance abuser.

I agree 100%...... ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

My sister has the issues. She still has all the anger at our mother and she has been dead for 47 years. She doesn't have a program. She has done the church thing and it hasn't helped her to deal with her issues.

My story reads like a soap opera prior to recovery and for few years after until the program start working in my life.

I don't think there is any reason why you can't post in any section. I qualify in them all, but for me 12 Steps are 12 Steps. It is not the substance that is the problem, it is the thinking behind it that caused us to use, no matter what we used. Even in today, I still have to watch food, my computer, my addiction to Bejewelled2 (always trying to beat my score and get more). It is my understanding that this is an open discussin board. I have referred this board to a friend I met on line who is not an alcholic or a drug addict but is going through issues in her life. I think she qualifies as an adult child.

I am not an overeater, but I do have a food disorder which doesn't want me to eat. When my body swells with the fibromyalgia and the circulation problem as a result of my diabetes, I think fat and then the problems begin.

I had the feeling when I went to NA that they looked at me as an AA reject, except the guys in AA said, we don't reject you. This wasn't always true because I tend to look at myself as an addict who used alcohol like she used everything else. I am powerless over people, places, and things. I went to NA when I quit smoking. My denial was always about my alcoholism, so that was where I went. Now I go to Al-Alon because it helps me with the thinking behind the drinking and because I have a son in active addiction who is a self-admitted alcoholic.

I try to share wherever I identify. I think it is important to the new people who come to the site to share our ESH; not just about early recovery, but about living in today and who the 12 Steps continue to work in our life.

For me it has been a program of reflection. I find a little bit of me in each of you and the people who have crossed my recovery path. As my sponsor use to say, "You can learn two things in recovery. How to work your program and how not to work your program."

[SunnyGirl]

((((( Caressa )))))

I decided a long time ago, "what other people think of me
is none of my business"! As long as I am happy and I'm
not hurting anyone else, that's all that counts. One day, all
of us will have to answer for our words and actions, but
it will be God doing the judging not other people......

You, Ron and myself all seem to have trouble with siblings.
I suppose it must have something to do with rivalry, or
jealousy.

Anyway, for now I am just going to leave it at.....
"Live And Let Live", if they can live with themselves so be it!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

I use to envy my sister. She has the four bedroom house and I have the one bedroom apartment but I wouldn't trade places with her for anything. She is just not happy. She lives in fear and resentments. Lives her life through her family and has no identity of her own. My other sister is not happy without a man in her life. She doesn't feel whole without one. I told the last guy I was in a relationship with that I didn't need him in my life. I was whole and comlete without him but I chose to have him there because I liked him and wanted him there. I changed my mind. He was getting happy in my space and not making space for himself. This sister has been to AA. The two of them are in the church, the one more so than the other. I went but find what I need in the program. As I have said, "They were saints in my aunt's eyes. I am the Godly Heathen.

I was at my sister's for Christmas. It was okay. Not as good a holiday as last year, but not the negative ones of the past. They didn't change I did. I changed my attitude as was just accepting of who they were and where they were coming from. We haven't spoken since then. I did think of her yesterday but didn't pick up the phone. When I think of her again, I will. 5 a.m. is not a good time. (grin)

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks for sharing......

I was the middle one of 3 sisters..... And we all know how
the middle one always gets the worst of it (to young or to
old for everything)..... The older Sis and I have the same Dad,
but I was closer to the younger Sis' Dad than my bio Dad.
Younger Sis was the baby, everyone catered to her, she threw
a fit and got everything she wanted. I resented her in many
ways, but looked out after her from a very young age. I played
a big part in her care-taking and it was a hard habit to break,
especially when she got addicted to drugs. To this very day,
she accepts no part of the blame for the mess her life is in ~
the choices have always been hers, but the blame always went
to others. Never herself! Until she can accept her part in the
mess her life has become, she has no chance for recovery.
She is in my prayers and I will always love her, but today, I
don't like her and choose to have no part in her life.

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

I was thinking that I never watched soaps all of my life. Perhaps that is because most of my life read like one. I don't need to watch these shows on abuse, I lived it too many years. I like the sound of The Guiding Light, yet the show is a far cry from anything spiritual. (grin)

I use to do the hair of a dear friend who passed away a long time ago. She wouldn't let me do her hair at 3 p.m. because that was when her soap was on. She was paralyzed from a stroke and had speach inpediment. I was her favorite and she shook her cane at her husband and mine if they gave me a hard time. I took her to the country fair. Pushed her around the exhibits and then took her to the Legion to meet up with her husband. It has drizzled and she got cold. Her husband didn't want to leave and she was there quite a while and because she couldn't communicate couldn't say how cold and damp she was. She caught pneumonia and died. I always blamed myself. It is something I haven't forgiven myself for.