NO is a complete sentence....

[Cherie]

Learning that "less is more" has been a strange and
wonderful discovery. Dealing with addicts/alcoholics
is allot lot dealing with children. Before 12-step recovery
I spent the majority of my time mothering, smothering,
nudging, and nagging them, but nothing worked.

The recovery program, asked me to put focus on myself
and stop trying to fix my addicted loved ones. This was
like changing jobs, going from playing in an orchestra, to
playing in a one woman band. In the beginning I was
a mess, almost going through withdrawls.

No more discretely placing AA pamphlets where the A
might see it..... Allowing them to do their own laundry....
No more bailing them out of tight spots the got into....

And the big one: Learning that NO is a complete
sentence. It’s NO, period! No explanation… No apology.

Now that I've had some time to practice all this, I am finding
I have so much more free time to do things I enjoy. I am no
longer their doormat. I think they now have more respect for
me and my feelings.

Consider whether you are doing something for people who
need to be doing those very things themselves. Don't rush
to them to cushion their fall, it just might be exactly what they
need to experience.

Most of all take good care of YOU, you are worth it!

Thanks for letting me share.... Cherie

[caressa]

As the song goes, "What part of 'No!" don't you understand. The N or the O? For so many years I felt like I had to justify my actions and my reason for being. It was nice to know that "No!" was enough in itself and didn't need any embellishment.

My attitude was don't tell me I can't, watch me. I often didn't accept no as an answer.

[SunnyGirl]

It's easy to tell strangers "No", salesmen or clerks that
want to sell you that extended warranty. But telling
our loved one's is a little harder.

Yes it is a simple word, but when I use it, for it to be
effective, it has to be said with conviction. I don’t have
to have an excuse or explain myself.

The word "No" is simple and direct, but if I chose to offer
an explanation I keep it short and sweet. If I am
uncertain about my answer I will usually ask for time
to think it over. My daughter-in-law might ask me
to watch the kids, a blunt "No" wouldn’t work, so I will
give her the reason as to why I can’t or won’t!

I try never to use the word "No" out of spite or to punish
some one. This one word made quite an impact on my
children when they were about 2 years old. It kinda
showed them what their boundaries were. I'm thinking
it can work that way with friends-family and anyone
in between. Yep, a simple word but direct and to the point!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

You share reminds me of my son when he was learning to talk. He was always told, "No! Don't touch!" He would go up to the oil burning stove and put his finger up to it but not touching and saying, "Hot!" Even then he was pushing things as far as he could go." There was always a little glint in his eye and it looked like he was waiting for a reaction from me. He knew it was a "No!" They learn early.

[SunnyGirl]

I have learned....

Make my YES mean YES!

And my NO mean NO!

No debates, no pleading and begging, just a simple
YES or NO.

"Say what you mean but don't say it mean!"

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[SunnyGirl]