Depression

[caressa]

Bill W's Letter to a Member Concerning Depression

The following excerpts from a letter of Bill Wilson's was quoted in the memoirs of Tom Pike, and early California AA member. Tom did not use the name of the person addressed -- perhaps because he was still living.


Tom said:


Here in part is what Bill Wilson wrote in 1958 to a close friend who shared his problem with depression, describing how Bill himself used St. Francis's prayer as a steppingstone toward recovery:

Dear ...

I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA ... the development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.

How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result and so into easy, happy, and good living ... well, that's not only the neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs.

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That's the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally.

Last autumn, depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another long chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it wasn't a bright prospect.

I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis prayer ... "It is better to comfort than to be comforted." Here was the formula, all right, but why didn't it work?

Suddenly I realized what the matter was ... My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute dependence on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came so did my depression.

There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away.

Reinforced by what grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed upon any set of circumstances whatsoever.

Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and institutional satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each relation of life.

Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn't possibly do that as long as I was victimized by false dependencies.

For my dependency meant demand ... a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.

This seems to be the primary healing circuit, an outgoing love of God's creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love for us. It is most clear that the real current can't flow until our paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.

If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to gain emotional sobriety.

Of course, I haven't offered you a really new idea ... only a gimmick that has started to unhook several of my own "hexes" at depth. Nowadays my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.

[caressa]

Depression Questionnaire

The following DEPRESSION QUESTIONNAIRE has 16 simple questions that may help identify common symptoms of depression. The results can be a helpful way to discuss your condition with your healthcare provider and actually help him/her diagnose your condition. After answering the questions provided on the following pages, print the completed questionnaire and discuss any concerns with your doctor.
As with any medical illness or condition, only your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional can provide a diagnosis of depression. The following questionnaire is intended to help you discuss symptoms with a qualified healthcare professional. This questionnaire is not intended to serve as a substitute for a diagnosis of depression by a qualified healthcare professional. If you think you may have depression, you should visit your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional as soon as possible.
Complete the questionnaire below and take the results to your doctor.
Choose the items that best describe you over the last 7 days.
Falling Asleep:

I never take longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep.

I take at least 30 minutes to fall asleep, less than half the time.

I take at least 30 minutes to fall asleep, more than half the time.

I take more than 60 minutes to fall asleep, more than half the time.


Sleep During the Night:

I do not wake up at night.

I have a restless, light sleep with a few brief awakenings each night.

I wake up at least once a night, but I go back to sleep easily.

I awaken more than once a night and stay awake for 20 minutes or more, more than half the time.


Waking Up Too Early:

Most of the time, I awaken no more than 30 minutes before I need to get up.

More than half the time I awaken more than 30 minutes before I need to get up.

I almost always awaken at least one hour or so before I need to, but I go back to sleep eventually.

I awaken at least one hour before I need to, and can't go back to sleep.


Sleeping Too Much:

I sleep no longer than 7-8 hours/night, without napping during the day.

I sleep no longer than 10 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.

I sleep no longer than 12 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.

I sleep longer than 12 hours in a 24-hour period including naps.


Feeling Sad:

I do not feel sad.

I feel sad less than half the time.

I feel sad more than half the time.

I feel sad nearly all of the time.


Decreased Appetite:

There is no change in my usual appetite.

I eat somewhat less often or lesser amounts of food than usual.

I eat much less than usual and only with personal effort.

I rarely eat within a 24-hour period, and only with extreme personal effort or when others persuade me to eat.


Increased Appetite:

There is no change from my usual appetite.

I feel a need to eat more frequently than usual.

I regularly eat more often and/or greater amounts of food than usual.

I feel driven to overeat both at mealtime and between meals.


Decreased Weight (Within the Last Two Weeks):

I have not had a change in my weight.

I feel as if I've had a slight weight loss.

I have lost 2 pounds or more.

I have lost 5 pounds or more.


Increased Weight (Within the Last Two Weeks):

I have not had a change in my weight.

I feel as if I've had a slight weight gain.

I have gained 2 pounds or more.

I have gained 5 pounds or more.


Concentration/Decision-Making:

There is no change in my usual capacity to concentrate or make decisions.

I occasionally feel indecisive or find that my attention wanders.

Most of the time, I struggle to focus my attention or to make decisions.

I cannot concentrate well enough to read or cannot make even minor decisions.


View of Myself:

I see myself as equally worthwhile and deserving as other people.

I am more self-blaming than usual.

I largely believe that I cause problems for others.

I think almost constantly about major and minor defects in myself.


Thoughts of Death or Suicide:

I do not think of suicide or death.

I feel that life is empty or wonder if it's worth living.

I think of suicide or death several times a week for several minutes.

I think of suicide or death several times a day in some detail, or I have made specific plans for suicide or have actually tried to take my life.


General Interest:

There is no change from usual in how interested I am in other people or activities.

I notice that I am less interested in people or activities.

I find I have interest in only one or two of my formerly pursued activities.

I have virtually no interest in formerly pursued activities.


Energy Level:

There is no change in my usual level of energy.

I get tired more easily than usual.

I have to make a big effort to start or finish my usual daily activities (for example, shopping, homework, cooking or going to work).

I really cannot carry out most of my usual daily activities because I just don't have the energy.


Feeling Slowed Down:

I think, speak, and move at my usual rate of speed.

I find that my thinking is slowed down or my voice sounds dull or flat.

It takes me several seconds to respond to most questions and I'm sure my thinking is slowed.

I am often unable to respond to questions without extreme effort.


Feeling Restless:

I do not feel restless.

I'm often fidgety, wringing my hands, or need to shift how I am sitting.

I have impulses to move about and am quite restless.

At times, I am unable to stay seated and need to pace around.


© 2000, A. John Rush, M.D., Quick Inventory of Depressive Symptomatology (Self Report) (QIDS-SR)

[majestyjo]

So go into depression in isolation. We get caught cut off from the Sunshine of the Spirit.

Bill suffered severe depression.