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Post by caressa on Feb 20, 2009 16:32:45 GMT -5
Review the following messages and note if any one touches you more strongly than the others:
1. "You are good."
2. "You are wanted."
3. "You are loved for yourself."
4. "You are seen for who you are."
5. "Your needs are not a problem."
6. "You are safe."
7. "You will be taken care of."
8. "You will not be betrayed."
9. "Your presence matters."
The list above was part of a post on one of my groups. I am not sure of the origin but I think it comes from Higher Awareness.
When I read it today it made me realize how much was missing from my life growing up. To have had the affirmation of this would have lessened my feelings of insecurity and feelings of not being worthwhile. For most of my life I looked outside of myself for validation and affirmation. These are things that I can say and give to myself in today.
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Post by Lin on Feb 21, 2009 5:38:08 GMT -5
When I was growing up, nearly every one ont hat list was a problem for me. I did not feel loved or safe. I felt in constant chaos. I did not feel my opinions mattered and did not feel like anybody cared. I felt belittled and put down...criticized...not appreciated.
But i have grown. I have put most of that in the past. Today I hacve learned to find happiness no matter who I am with or where I am. I lvoe both of my jobs and they offer me times throughout the day to feel great abotu myself. So even if I have a cruddy time when I get back home, it is not so bad.
LIN
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Post by caressa on Mar 4, 2009 10:30:58 GMT -5
I was talking to a lady on the bus yesterday. I told her that I had heard my mother's voice saying, "Take off your gloves and loosen your coat so you will feel the good of it when you go back out." Talk about an old, old, tape. My mom passed away 45 years ago.
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Post by Lin on Mar 6, 2009 5:33:05 GMT -5
wow...that's kinda spooky. The voice I hear from my dad is usually...you are worthless...or you don't know how to make good choices.
LIN
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Post by caressa on Mar 9, 2009 10:29:56 GMT -5
I got those messages too from my dad. If you had a brain in your head you would eat it. If you had a brain in your head it would get lonesome. If you had a brain in your head it would rattle. If I didn't have a brain in my head, I couldn't play bridge.
My mother was more the type if you didn't do it her way it wasn't the right way. If you didn't measure up, you were less than.
Most of my life was do this or do that! No validation for who I was and very endorsement for a job well done. Only once did I hear a postive message from my father and it wasn't directly from him, it was his girlfriend who told me, "Wasn't sure what she was up to and thought it was another of her crazy ideas but when she makes up her mind to do something, she does it very well." That carried me for a long time through a difficult time in my life. She died shortly after that in a car accident and my father gave up on life and his alcoholism went from bad to worse. Within two years, he had drank himself to death.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Mar 9, 2009 17:47:52 GMT -5
My Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 2 years
old. Mom remarried when I was 4 and divorced again
when I was about 14... both of these men were alcoholics.
I must have slept through most of my youth, as I don't
recall being a victim during this period. After the 2nd
divorce, I was sent to live with bio-dad (who was really
pretty much a stranger to me) who beat me black and
blue and I ran away. Mom rescued me and brought me
back home.... When I got there, I found we had Dad #3,
also an alcoholic, but also a mean drunk. I moved out
at 18 and kept coming back to see about Mom and younger
Sis. During a free-for-all the cops were called and it was
a hysterical Me, that almost got drug off to jail. They
divorced and remarried..... by this time I was out of it!
Just watched from a distance till my Mom could no longer
take the abuse. I can't say that other than anger, I was
really affected by this. They were a wonderful example of
what I didn't want in my life! Mom remarried again (another
drunk) at the age of 65.... The moved off to Oklahoma and
only saw them for visits.... He passed away... Mom married
at again at 80 years, to the only sober man she had ever
had in her life..... He is far from perfect, but I am happy that
he has remained by her side, thru thick and thin.... She has
dementia and not one of the others would have stayed there
with her.
I may be psychologically scarred but I don't know what part they
play in my make-up.... Best thing I learned is that was not
the path I wanted to take! H.U.G.S. ~SG~
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Post by caressa on Mar 9, 2009 21:55:02 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. I was fortunate that my abuse was more mental although my mom was handy with a wooden sthingy. She beat my sister on the legs with a willow branch until she bled. I have no memory of this happening. She still carries the anger. I had resentments, abandonment, rejections, and low self-worth and self-esteem issues, amongst other things. I always thought I was ugly. It wasn't until I was in recovery several years and one of my sponsors said, "You are a very attractive woman." I was surprised, shocked and unbelieving and it took a lot recovery to build myself up to where Iliked myself let alone love myself.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Mar 9, 2009 22:01:36 GMT -5
From reading your post and Lin's, I would have to
consider myself very fortunate......
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
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Post by caressa on Mar 9, 2009 22:14:40 GMT -5
Just remembered that she added hot water to the bath tub (a square wash tub) just as I was stepping into it and badly burnt my foot. She cut my hair and made it look like a bowl was put on my hair, then she had a permanent put in my hair and spoiled the natural curl. I have pictures with hairdos that make me cringe every time I see them. I remember one time she said, "You didn't brush your hair, she proceeded to do it and when the picture was developed, "My hair is standing up on the top of my head and all bushy and I look like the wild man from Borneo." I had a lot of resentments about a lot of things. No best friend growing up. No life skills when I went to the city to work. A lot of bad habits and old tapes that needed changing and editing. In later years I came to believe she had fibromyalgia too. It certainly wasn't diagnosed back then. Realizing that lots of times she was a hurting lady with a husband who was an alcoholic, who ran around with other women, left her alone with 3 kids with no transportation, three miles from the highway and a mile from the general store and the nearest neighbor was a half mile away.
She was an attractive woman. She didn't smoke or drink. She loved to sing and played the piano by ear. She loved gospel music and that was one positive thing growing up. After supper we would sit around the piano until we lost our voices. She used food to deal with my father's alcoholism. She died at the age of 40 weighing 240 lbs. She was warned that if she didn't lose weight she would die when she ended up in the hospital in October and she died the 1st of June the next year. Her younger sister never married and died at the age of 83. All three of us lived with her at one time. She had a lot of resentments against my mother when she was growing up. Life can be a vicious circle.
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Post by caressa222 on May 23, 2020 1:07:38 GMT -5
Those old tapes need to be replaced with new ones. Remember it is you that pushes the play button. Remember that you can push fast forward instead of rewind. You can push the STOP button anytime.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.