Depression

[Lin]

The topic for last night's AlAnon meeting was depression. I can't remember everything I said, but would like to post a few thoguhts. I hope others will too.

I've luckily never been in a severe depression. I have had many very low times in my life that were probably moderate depression.

One was when my husband first went to a 93 day rehab and his paycheck stopped. I was very worried about paying the basic bills. I was very preoccupied with the fact I had time to do things like shop or go to a movie or go visit out of town freinds, but no money to do it. My best girlfreind sensed it and wrote me a check. That got my bills all caught up until his disability checks started and the bills were handled. It helped me snap out of that one. (still no extra for movies or shopping, but I dealth with it) As soon as he got out and got his first paycheck I paid her back in full.

Other times were when the drinking was so very bad around here. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not sure how I got out of those spells, but I did.

Since recovery i ahve learned of so many useful tools that help me STOP a depressed state before it happens or before it escalates.

How important is it? Let go and Let God? One day at at time? Useful slogans for dealing with low times.

Finding gratitude I think is one of the biggest things that keeps me on an even keel. I have learned to look for that silver lining in every cloud. I find the good in everybody and in everything that is around me. If i have a person I'm not happy to be around for some reason, I try to look at them through GOD's eyes. I also avoid being aroudn negative people. they pull me down. Ever know people who were constant complainers? constant whiners? never satisfied? I prefer to replace those people in my life with people who are recovering or at least very faith filled. Prayer and knowing I dont have to deal with life alone...because of my faith...helps so much.

And when I feel myself wanting to throw a pity party, i get to a meeting. Attending a meeting can really snap me out of a funk.

I recently had to watch my husband go through a severe depression. it was when the war in iraq began. He watched the news channel 24 and 7. He did not go to hardees with me, never dressed, stayed home glued to the TV, would not go to the movies with me. He woudl not talk to me and woudl not listen to suggestions that he needed to get out. I'm sure it brought back Viet Nam memories and with his PTSD, this was not a good idea. He eventually snapped out of it, but it was not pleasant to watch. I'm sure if he was still drinking, he'd have stayed drunk for several weeks.

My sister had a job related severe depression not long ago. Her doctor gave her a new med that was not addictive, non drowsy...did not zombie her out at all. It jsut helped her stop the non stop crying. I wish I coudl rememebr the name. It may have been celexa or the one that came out about the same time. I realize many meds for depression just numb a person and make them zombies. I'd sure not be comfortable taking something like that. She does not even have to take it any more. I'm not advocating meds, but for some they do help.

LIN

[SaraLee]

Thanks for sharing (((((Lin))))). I didn't get to the meeting, but the topic is one that is familiar to me. The beginning of this year, I began to have some medical problems and I went on several medications at the same time. It is just this past month that I have cut back on the meds, and although I am not completely well, I do feel better, but find that now I am depressed. I think it was the combination of being sick to long, and a side effect of the meds.that have changed my chemistry or hormons, or what ever gets whacked out, and now I'm feeling down and gloomy a lot of the time, not to mention pregnant dogy. I am thinking of going back on meds for depression, but right now it is a wait and see.

I hope that after awhile my chemistry will return to normal, but for now, I am having a hard time with life. So many things bring me down or make me feel frustrated or angry. I often feel like I'm watching a movie about myself and being both the participant and the observer, and feel helpless to change the script or get out of the audience seat and do something else.

But I do try anyway, and the two things that help the most are quieting my thoughts and noting all the things I am grateful for or forcing myself to get moving and help someone else. One way if passive and the other way is active but both help.
SaraLee

[Caressa2]

This is a topic I know well. The past year has brought a lot of times were I have been feeling "sick and tired of being tired and sick!"

I just realized today that although they have found out a lot of things out about what is causing the sickness, I think because I finally know, even if it isn't all good, I am feeling better.

They have tried to put me on anti-depressants for twelve years but I just can't take them. I feel like someone is putting a giant sized hand on top of my head and holding me down and stopping me from being me. I don't care if sometimes that "me" is sometimes a bit eccentric, off the wall, a bit of Ms. Doom and Gloom, but at least I know it is all me, and I am not taking a mood altering substance which is stopping me from being who I am.

I beat myself up, and then I looked into a horoscope book and looked at the characteristics of an Aires! I would like to think that they looked at me and wrote the book, but that would be too much "ego!"

Why should I beat myself up for being like "X" number of people in the world born between March 21 and April 21st. The fact that I am an April Fool Baby may be a contributing factor, but even the "Fool" can be good, it is a new beginning, it has not fear and always has his foot forward into unchartered territory.

Sometimes I can get caught up in "defects" when in fact a lot of things in my life are my "characteristics" and quite normal. When I see the word normal these days, I have to ask, "Compared to what?"

[usdupn02]

This topic is a good one as recently I have dealt with someone in a severe depressibe episode as well as with being more "down" myself. My friend got to the point that she never dressed or got out of the house except to go to the doctor. This went on for about 6 weeks until they got her anti-depressant leveled out. She is on the Celexa that Lin mentioned, and it seems to be working wonderfully for her.

In the meantime, as is normal, I too have been battling the blues. There have been lots of personal losses/challenges in the last 3-6 months and tho I don't feel particularly depressed, I do notice that I just am not as light-hearted as usual. I also have been tearing up much more frequently. Debating looking into all this but hate to do any kind of medicating if I don't need to.

Faith and God help a lot and hopefully that will be all the medication needed.

(((Hugs))) to all, Janet

[SunnyGirl]

Mornin Lin,

About 10 years ago, I was suffering from depression,
I spent many hours in my room alone and wanted
little if any contact with my loved ones, just getting
out of bed was a major effort for me. This went on
for months and I was finally forced to reach out for
help. I was put on a low dosage of paxil and took
it for nearly a year, I could'nt really feel any difference,
(certainly not a zombie) but the quality of my life
improved greatly. It finally dawned on me, that life
is for living, not just making it out of bed. I took the
medication for almost a year, then slowly stopped
taking it. I seemed to be able to function just fine
and it appeared my depression was gone.

I still get small bouts with it, but I am pretty good at
shaking it off. SaraLee, shared the two things that
seem to work for her and I have used these two
things in much the same way and with great results.
It's difficult to be grateful and depressed at the same
time, especially when you are taking notes on all the
wonderful things that are happening around you.

The second thing I do, is let go of my "poor me's"
and reach out to help someone else. It's funny how
small my problems can get, when I compare them to
other peoples. When the goin gets tough, the tough
get goin..... Life for me is to short to sit and stew
over something that I have control over. If the time
comes and I can't shake it off, I think I am capable
of reaching out for some help and if it means taking
meds for it, I wouldn't hesitate.

Peace on the journey, ~SG~

[byathread]

I unfortunately have seen what depression can do...my husband (the A) has suffered from clinical depression since I've known him, and before...he has been on and off meds...way better on them...he currently uses Zoloft...the combination of depression and alcoholism is nearly fatal! And unfortunately a high percentage of alcoholics are depressed. In the past year or two, I have noticed some of the indicators of depression in myself...I have let the alcoholism/depression roller coaster we ride affect me. There is a difference between being depressed, and suffering from clinical depression. Not to lessen the woes of someone who is depressed, but be so, so glad you are not truly suffering from true, clinical depression, if you are just experiencing a low period. My husband has described it as not even like a black hole, but a gray one...you just don't feel...he sleeps for days when it's really bad, and he seems just as drunk as when he's really tied one on. He doesn't bathe, eat, or interact. He has no motivation. He cannot follow through with even the simplest of tasks. He cries all the time. He can't talk to anyone about anything without crying, or just closing up. It is truly agonizing to watch. I, being a fixer...worrier...control freak, go nuts watching him just withdraw and waste the days away. Nothing I do can bring him out of it. Then the cycle kicks in...he drinks because he's depressed, then he is depressed because he drank, then he drinks because things are such a mess. No way out! Part of the nature of the disease is thinking that you're doing ok, and not taking your meds...then things start to spiral downward. I know there are many meds, and nothing is right for everyone...each person must work with a doctor to see what's right. But I know meds are the answer for my husband. I just don't know where you draw the line from occasionally feeling bluer than blue, and knowing you are suffering from depression...I am at the point where I feel I need to look into something for myself, too. It is like when there's a lot going wrong with him, and I'm letting it mess up my life, I just lock myself to the couch, and don't get up to take care of the littlest things...I let the housework go...walk right by a pet mess and leave it for hours before attending to it...I am not at the point where I go to bed, or miss work or important responsibilities yet, but I dont' always answer the phone, don't contact friends, avoid the visiting neighbor...warning signs, for sure! So...if you are feeling like your blues are interfering with your daily living, and there are changes in your way of life, you should keep an eye on things, in my opinion. It's a beast, and one to avoid, if at all possible!! Just my view of things.

[dg]

Hi Lin,
Great thread to kick off after your topic meeting!
Depression for me is when my anxiety attacks gets worse, so bad that sometimes I have ended up in the ER. I am currently taking something for it and most of the times it works for me.
I remember years ago, after I had my daughter I got really depressed, back then it wasn't really a subject you talked about with someone and my doctor at the time put me on valiums which led me to want to explor other drugs, because I didn't relize that something in me wanted a way out of this type of depression. Altho I didn't stay in bed for days or not take care of myself hygene wise, but a self destructive ways that brought me to the world of cocaine and valiums together. Thanks goodness I was able to stop that cycle, soon after that the panic problems started to kick in.. and have been trying to keep it under control for the most of the many years.
Now since my husband the A in my life left me once again and the holidays are here, my kind of depression has turned into something else, its the nitemares, and the want to run away again has crept up on me. So I am tryign to stay busy taking care of my termially ill mother and try not to think about it so much. NIte times are the hardest for me.
I know and understand that its up to me and God to keep this under control. So far.. I would like to think I am doing ok considering the situation I am in. Yet I yearn to really feel happy again.

[lildee]

I found this reading on Depression In Today's Gift and thought I would share it :


Think in terms of depletion, not depression . . .. You can understand how a body can replenish itself, whereas it may be difficult to understand the way out of depression.
--Claire Weekes


Despair and depression may come over us suddenly, for no reason we can figure out. But if we stop and reflect, we may realize we are reacting to too much of something--too much work, too much excitement, too much fun. We may be having a letdown after holidays, after completing a project, or at the end of a school year. When we feel a letdown coming on, we must give ourselves time. We need to take some time off and do nothing, plan nothing. Then we can ask God to help us let go of the negative feelings that come along with a letdown. We can plan a small gift for ourselves--a walk by the lake, for instance. In our excitement with a rush of events, we often forget that we, like the infants we once were, need to take a rest and reenergize.

Do I need to do something just for myself today?

[Lin]

Thanks for all of the replies! It seems many of us deal with it in one way or another. I am pretty sure the one that worked so well for my sister was the one Sg mentioned, PAXIL. It did not make her drowsy or spaced out at all. That was what she feared abotu going on medication. I convinced her to go see a doctor because we both knew she'd end up in a hospital if she did not do something. She only took it about a year and things are so much better now.

The reading fit perfectly Lildee1 THNAKS for sharing!

LIN

[caressa222]

There seem to be so many more people suffering depression as a result of these trying times. To protect ourselves we need to isolate. To be spiritually fit, which is our defense from active addiction, we need to connect with others. It is important to have a strong support group and a good relationship with the God of our understanding.