step 4

[Lin]

The first time I worked step 4, I had a problem with the word DEFECTS. It made me feel like I was looking for reasons I was DEFECTIVE. I think of defective as a toaster that won't work right and you have to toss it in the trash or return it. So searching for my own DEFECTS was giving me a mental image I did not enjoy.

I substituted the word DEFECTS for GROWTH AREAS. The things abotu my own character I needed to work on were areas I needed to GROW and change.

Areas such as patience, compassion, were growth areas for me...not defects.

That made it easier and much more pleasant for me to work step 4.
Did any of you have that same problem?

LIN

[caressa]

What helped me was looking at the characteristics of an Aires. They called them positive and negative personality traits. Some needed work, some were better than they use to be and others God and I were still working on them.

They stress the same thing my sponsor said to me, "For every negative you need to find a positive." It was about balance. My first fourth was all negative and I was told to go back and find the positive and it was difficult for me to see. I came to believe that if all Aires had similiar characteristics, then I wasn't alone and I wasn't so bad after all.

[SunnyGirl]

Lin...

I remember an Al-Anon meeting when you shared on this
topic. It was a great meeting and I certainly related to
it. The word defect has always reminded me of a car I
bought many years ago. It was a lemon, it had factory
defects and I fought the dealership for many months....
Needless to say, to compare any shortcomings I might
have, to that d**n car sent shivers up my spine!

7- Cardinal sins

• Lust
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Laziness
• Wrath
• Envy
• Pride

7- Detestable sins

• haughty eyes
• a lying tongue
• hands that shed innocent blood
• a heart that devises wicked schemes
• feet that are quick to rush into evil
• a false witness who pours out lies
• a man who stirs up dissension among brothers

I suppose most of these are, in one form or another, listed
in our list of defects of character chips.....

As mentioned above, I prefer to call them shortcomings, but
one could call them "growth areas"..... Step-4 was a fearless
moral inventory... Step-5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to
another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Step-6 ready to have God remove defects of character...
and when we get to Step-7 we humbly ask Him to remove
our shortcomings.

My best guess is, call them what you feel comfortable with,
just don't try to sugar coat it.... They were blocking our spiritual
growth and we need to go to our H.P. in prayer....

At some point I had to get honest with myself.... My ego was
not the important part, it was my hopes of recovery. We are
not quite as fragile as we were when we began this journey,
growth and balance takes time.....


Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

adding this on.....

page 64 of the Big Book:

I pray for the willingness required to make a strenuous effort
to face, and to be rid of, the things in myself which block me
from God.

[caressa]

I have the 4th Step from Al-Anon and it is something I have been procrastinating about. I am going to try to set it up in word and do it on my computer. I don't have a scanner to copy it. I had a long-timer in AA tell me that she thought it was the best 4th Step she had seen.

[Lin]

I also like you word SG...shortcomings. I didn't sugarcoat them. I KNEW i had areas I needed to work on , and I sought them out, prayed abotu them, shared with another and started changing them.

LIN

[caressa]

I dislike the word sin more than I do defects of character. My defects of character are a result of the seven deady sins which are in all of us. It is part of our nature and being human. Many look at their defects as being 'only' human and use it as an excuse not to try to change. This Step is about recognizing them and always needs to be followed by the other Steps. Knowing about them and keeping them to myself, doesn't change them. I need to acknowledge them and ask my Higher Power to help me to change and grow into a better person and be who He would have me be.

Blueprint for Progress from Al-Anon lists the following areas that we need to work on:

Honesty, Self-Worth, Fear, Anger, Resentment, Justificaiton, Control, Attitudes, Communication, Responsibilities, Finances, Guilt, Shame, Relaltionships, Trust, Commitment, Gratitude, Love, Intimacy, Maturity, Sex, Values, Character Traits, Spirituality.

This is were I got the revised list of Character Defects in Chipping Away.