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Post by caressa on Apr 6, 2009 21:59:11 GMT -5
It has been difficult lately. Because of tests and surgery, my son has been coming around more. The more he worries about me the more he uses.
He has brought up leaving the city and yet he is reluctant to go because of my health. The biggest part of me wants him to leave. A small part of me feels guilty because he wants to stay because of me.
I do know that wherever he goes, he takes his disease wit him. Things are bad all over now, and moving and making such big changes aren't always for the good. What I would like is for him to be sent to long term recovery out of town. Last time he did recovery here, stayed sober 3 months, looked good and then relapsed. He has talked about going back to meetings but so far it is talk.
All I can do is pray. Do what is good for me, detach and set boundaries, and accept what is in the moment.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 6, 2009 22:45:45 GMT -5
My daughter got clean here in Las Vegas, but it took leaving town for her to stay clean.... (clean unless I count the prescription weed) I gotta believe it helped her to change "people, places and things. There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut." If she had stayed here she would have eventually run into dealers, buddies, or friends she ran with. Her drug of choice was meth..... She is type 1 diabetic and her health is not good. She dreams about coming back to Vegas, her sons both live here along with most of her family. But coming back here she would not get the same health care..... Also praying on her mind, the marijuana laws are not quite so lenient as Northern California....  I miss her like crazy and in some ways I'd love to have her close. But I am not totally convinced it would be the best thing for her.... But, lucky me, I don't have to make the choice. I understand the pain you must be in..... Ultimately you won't have a choice! We give birth to them but they truly belong to God. Sending prayers for you and your son.... Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl |
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Post by caressa on Apr 21, 2009 7:37:44 GMT -5
My son has not been doing well, although he is starting to get hours in, and spring appears to be on it's way, it only means more money to use.
He has talked about leaving town and change in the winter when there is no work but when the weather changes, and he is working, he isn't content, and the anger is still there, yet he seems to be more accepting of what is in the moment.
It hasn't helped that my diabetes and collesterol has gotten worse, my ultra sound showed more cysts, or that my knee is getting worse instead of better inspite of phsyio, being the adult child of an alcoholic, he feels responsible and feels he needs to look after me. His idea and mine about responsibility are two different things. It is nice for him to stop by to see how I am doing. It is quite another when he eats my food, wants me to do his laundry, wants to borrow money, sits in front of my TV (it is bad when you have to come home to mom instead of being with your friends because you have no money to use with them), and does chores for me with the thought of earning some money. Although he does do some housework and cooks meals for me, and grocery shops, it is hard to be around him and his dark energy.
As the saying goes, "I love him dearly, but...."
I just try to live my life. Do my thing, not put my life on hold for him.
Today is a good example of that. I am meeting my sponsor, I expect a call from my friend who moved away and is coming to town about noon. I have a meeting at 4 p.m. and am meeting her for dinner and going to an NA meeting afterwards if I still have enough energy. My bridge partner's other partner is back from holidays, so it is her turn to play with him, so I am free to go out with her. I really miss her. She has been quite ill and hasn't been able to visit since summer of last year. We correspond by e-mail and she can call me for free but she hasn't been well enough to even be on her computer. I have known her for fourteen years, so when she left it left a big empty space in my life and I haven't met or connected with another person, who has filled that spot in my life. We volunteered together, played together and shopped together. She too is a recovering addict who started her recover in AA, then went to NA.
Nar-Aron helps me with my son and my relationship with her.
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Post by caressa on May 4, 2009 8:16:54 GMT -5
My son has moved his stuff out that he had stored at my place. He even came back and cleaned my apartment of all the chaos and junk he had accumulated.
Even though I did my own thing and didn't put my life on hold for him, I realized that I was isolated in my own space and it is nice to have my whole apartment back. I never knew when he was coming by, if he was coming by and often the time I expected him he was a no show.
I informed him that there was no turning back the clock and the buck stopped here and there was no more coming home to mother. I even told him, "Enough is enough already, I just don't need the disruption in my life." It was one of those, "I love you dearly, but...."
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Post by SunnyGirl on May 4, 2009 11:37:11 GMT -5
"I love you dearly, but"..... I have given each of my children a fresh start (do overs), they came home got their $hit together and moved back out on their own. Hopefully they learned the lessons they needed to learn and I won't have to ponder letting them move back. I don't give hand outs, I give a hand up..... With the economy the way it is, I won't rule out helping them or offering a safe haven. But, this would not apply if they were actively using..... I wish you and your son the best...... Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl |
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Post by caressa on May 20, 2009 7:48:12 GMT -5
My son asked me for a NA meeting list. He checked out the Friday listings and said, "Perhaps that is where I need to go instead of spending my paycheck!" He does know the answer. It is up to him to make the decision.
The nice thing is I don't have to nag, make digs, suggest, manipulate or try to con him into going back to the program. He knows it is there. It is even nicer that I can detach and let him live his own choices.
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Post by SunnyGirl on May 20, 2009 16:30:41 GMT -5
My son asked me for a NA meeting list. He checked out the Friday listings and said, "Perhaps that is where I need to go instead of spending my paycheck!" He does know the answer. It is up to him to make the decision.
The nice thing is I don't have to nag, make digs, suggest, manipulate or try to con him into going back to the program. He knows it is there. It is even nicer that I can detach and let him live his own choices. You are absolutely right, we can not make the choice for them. I am adding you and your son to my prayers list..... I hope for him, he chooses to go to those NA meetings. Hugs, SG |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.