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Post by lala on Jan 27, 2004 9:57:06 GMT -5
latley ive been working on boundries for myself and my life and ive just made another descion to stop always doing for everyone else meanwhile going with out im pretty sure thats a healthy descion id like some feed back on that if possible thank you...lala
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Post by lildee on Jan 27, 2004 10:30:06 GMT -5
Welcome Lala, You metioned "stop doing for everyone else." I think what you are talking about is detaching with love. There is a wonderful article in the Naranon workshop about detaching. But here is the link. www.essence-of-recovery.com/naranon/page19.html(Hopefully the link works, if not go to the Naranon section and click on the workshop.) This article has tons of info on Detaching that may help you. Love ya and God Bless Arlene
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Post by Lin on Jan 27, 2004 12:59:56 GMT -5
Great idea Lildee! Detaching with love might be of great help to you Lala! I also suggest learning about people pleasing and setting boundaries. All three of these topics are tied together. That naranon workshop has some great STUFF!
When I learned NO was a complete sentence..and needed no other explanation or rationalization from me, I had alot more time for ME.
Detaching with love is learning to stay out of the problems and business of others in a loving way. it is not ignoring and turning away from. It is taking care of yourself first.
Setting boundaries is when you decide what you will and wont accept from people. It is not allowing peole to take advantage of you and make a doormat of you.
And people pleasing...is when i always said YES to everybody jsut because i thought that woudl make them like me. I was always doing the jobs of others so I could earn respect and admiration. LOL Funny thing...when I started saying no, I got jsut as much respect. For me the people pleasing is alot about my motives. If i say yes becaue i WANT to help or I think my talents woudl be useful, then it's not people pleasing. If i do things for others and then resent that i said YES, I'm not doing either of us any good. That's when I have to learn how to say NO.
Welcome to EOR! really glad to have you with us!
LIN
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 27, 2004 13:00:15 GMT -5
Hi Lala,
On the Nar-Anon board we have a discussion going on boundaries -vs- ultimatums. Stick you head in and have a read, if you have any questions, jump right in there. These discussions are a great way to share ideas, most of us have felt a little unsure about the concept of boundaries.
Peace on the journey, SG
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Post by Caressa2 on Jan 27, 2004 23:43:55 GMT -5
Dear Lala,
Detachment is important, but what was completely foreign to me was self-care! I had to learn to do for me, what I had been doing for others for all those years.
What do I like? What do I need? Want do I want? It was all totally new, I had lived my life through other people, and had no identity of my own.
Recovery had given me back my sens of self and it has been a journey of find me and who I really am, not someone else's projection, concept and ideals.
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