Post by caressa on May 16, 2009 19:03:29 GMT -5
Compulsive overeating may often be a form of rebellion.
How many times I ate or drank to someone else's health. Don't tell me, watch me. Emotional eating for me was done when I was angry, not only at others, but at myself.
Rebellion was often against authority. I have had a real issue with rules for most of my life. I always felt that things were or should not be died in stone and should be flexible. Extenuating circumstances, unforseen events, unknown situations, always seemed to be missing in the equation and I always felt like I didn't fit in. Sometimes I think I rebelled just for the sake of it. To stir things up and get people thinking.
As the old saying goes, "What is normal?" Are rules for 'normal' people? Does that mean, they were not meant for me? If I didn't break them, I bent them very badly, often beyond recognition, other times just enough to fit the mold of who I was in the moment.
Before recovery, I had no acceptance. After time in recovery, I have come to realize that when I am accepting of what is in the moment, then I can make changes. They may not be what someone else thinks I should do, but I can do what fits who I am in today. Another difference in today is that I don't put such high expectations on myself and I have learned that you can't put them on others, especially on others who are not capable of meeting them.
Today, rules are guidelines. I look at the Steps that way. They are darn well betters or I will relapse. Others may not work them the way I do or have the same perception as I do, and that is alright. As long as they continue to work for me, I will continue to apply them to my life.
The substance is but a symptom of my disease. The problem is me and the Steps help me to walk this recovery road without using and abusing others or myself.