Hitting Bottom

[caressa]

For many people who come into recovery, it takes them a long time to hit bottom. This is a disease of denial. Often AA is the last house on the block. It takes losing everything before they can take the step into recovery.

There are those who are fortunate enough to still have their homes, their job although it is often the fact that it is precarious that sends them looking for help.

Often it is just being sick and tired of maintaining the life style or the lack of such in their lives.

For me, it was a mental, emotional and a physical bottom. My health was in jeopardy, I had detached from my family, and I was in a big black hole with no hope and sitting in a huge pot of pity and self loathing.

When I came through the doors of recovery, even though I was in denial about being an alcoholic, I kept coming because they had something I no longer had in my life, hope, laughter, family, and a spark of something that I didn't recognize. The light of spirituality that shines at each meeting.

[caressa]

Hit a spiritual bottom when I read the book 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie. I ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. I had gone when I first came into recovery because there was one at the YWCA were I was living. When I moved out seven months sober, I didn't do Al-Anon for a few years although if I had to be uptown, I would try to go on a Monday. The meeting I go to now was the same time as a NA meeting I went to. Over the years, depending on the issues needing to be addressed at the time, I adjusted my program accordingly.

I hit an emotional and spiritual bottoms after I came into recovery. I was so glad that I didn't pick up physically and my program was in place and I was able to tap into many sources to deal with things as they came up. Every bottom has triggered a grieving process which in turns makes for my work.

Have what I call mini-bottoms too. Finding myself back where I had come from, not physically using but mentally and emotionally. I would phone my sponsor and say, "Didn't we already deal with this? Wasn't I here once before?" She informed me that things have a way of repeating themselves, especially when the first time we skimmed over, turned a blind eye or detoured around an issue.

Secrets and denial kept me sick a long time.