Post by caressa on Jul 9, 2009 7:59:41 GMT -5
At my Al-Anon meeting yesterday, a woman brought up the subject that she could accept men being alcoholics but she couldn't accept it of women. She didn't know she was sitting beside one. There was a moment of silence in the room because the rest of them there knew that I come from both sides of the street.
Another woman shared that she too had had the same issue. I knew that she had, it was good to see her confirm it and know that she had worked through it and is a good friend to me in today.
The positive thing for me was that I didn't react and even when it was my turn to share, I didn't defend who I was, other than to say that I had used people, places and things all of my life to make me feel better. In fact I focused on how I had used my bed to hide from the world at the age of 14, which in turn led to popping a pill and going to bed. That started a chain reaction to popping more pills and not wanting to get out of bed.
Pills were like dried up alcohol for me. I didn't have black out when drinking but I did with pills. Some short term memory and things being a bit f*gue at time as a result of drinking but not blocks of time missing or things done and not forgotten. There were times when I wished that I hadn't remembered the next morning.
Alcohol is a disease. It affects all people of color, creed, race and religion. I was at dis-ease within myself and I gave away a piece of me every time I picked up. I was this empty vessel with no identity who didn't know what she liked, what made her happy, and what she needed for her own health and well being.
I had lived my life through other people and the bottle, be it pills or alcohol. The stigma attached to the disease is bad for men for women it is horrific. How can you act that way? How could you do that? Can't you quit for your son? I couldn't quit until I received a spiritual awakening to the fact that I had a problem and could be honest, open and willing to change. I had to realize I wasn't a bad person but a sick person trying to get well not good. The goodness was already there. It was overshadowed by my disease.
So many roles I had to play. This is how you should act as a mother, a wife, as a sister, as a friend, etc. I never seemed to fit the mold. For the most part, I still don't! Yet this program tells me it is okay to be me. Those old tapes are killers.
The Big Book says, "We do recover." My alcoholism doesn't go away. Thanks to this program, I have daily reprieve and I no longer live in that hopeless state of mind and body. One day at a time, I take the Steps on my recovery journey and my spiritual quest to a better way of life.
Another woman shared that she too had had the same issue. I knew that she had, it was good to see her confirm it and know that she had worked through it and is a good friend to me in today.
The positive thing for me was that I didn't react and even when it was my turn to share, I didn't defend who I was, other than to say that I had used people, places and things all of my life to make me feel better. In fact I focused on how I had used my bed to hide from the world at the age of 14, which in turn led to popping a pill and going to bed. That started a chain reaction to popping more pills and not wanting to get out of bed.
Pills were like dried up alcohol for me. I didn't have black out when drinking but I did with pills. Some short term memory and things being a bit f*gue at time as a result of drinking but not blocks of time missing or things done and not forgotten. There were times when I wished that I hadn't remembered the next morning.
Alcohol is a disease. It affects all people of color, creed, race and religion. I was at dis-ease within myself and I gave away a piece of me every time I picked up. I was this empty vessel with no identity who didn't know what she liked, what made her happy, and what she needed for her own health and well being.
I had lived my life through other people and the bottle, be it pills or alcohol. The stigma attached to the disease is bad for men for women it is horrific. How can you act that way? How could you do that? Can't you quit for your son? I couldn't quit until I received a spiritual awakening to the fact that I had a problem and could be honest, open and willing to change. I had to realize I wasn't a bad person but a sick person trying to get well not good. The goodness was already there. It was overshadowed by my disease.
So many roles I had to play. This is how you should act as a mother, a wife, as a sister, as a friend, etc. I never seemed to fit the mold. For the most part, I still don't! Yet this program tells me it is okay to be me. Those old tapes are killers.
The Big Book says, "We do recover." My alcoholism doesn't go away. Thanks to this program, I have daily reprieve and I no longer live in that hopeless state of mind and body. One day at a time, I take the Steps on my recovery journey and my spiritual quest to a better way of life.
Think it is called qualifying for Step Two. I went out with my son and his freind one night and couldn't figure out why I was feeling high on ONLY five drinks. With the medication in my system, it was more than enough and then some.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.