Family Role Identification in ACOA

[SunnyGirl]

Gender, Birth Order and Family Role Identification among
Adult Children of Alcoholics.

She labeled her four family roles: "the Hero", "the Scapegoat",
"the Lost Child", and "the Mascot". The child fulfilling the Hero
role within an alcoholic family appears competent, serious, and
overachieving to others, but often feels inadequate and guilty.
This child usually assumes responsibilities greater than those
of same age peers, and tends to engage in a wide variety of
care-taking behaviors. Heroes receive self-validation through
the feedback of others. This child serves the purpose of bringing
esteem to the family system through his or her accomplishments.
Heroes are generally well organized, and tend to assume control
or responsibility for situations and others. This child often becomes
a pseudo-parent/spouse (Goglia et al., 1992) as s/he grows up.

www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-723362_ITM

This is just a small snippet from the article, much to long to
post so the link is above for those who'd like to read more.
I was fascinated by this article and the role playing involved
with children growing up with an alcoholic family.

Hugs, SG

[caressa]

Don't think I played the Mascot. In fact I was told once that I couldn't be an Orr because I wasn't blonde. Maybe that is why I am blonde by choice today. That is when I choose, lately I have allowed myself to just be. Very much the Scapegoat, everything was my fault especially if I didn't set a good example to my sisters, according to someone elses principles not mine. Missed out on a lot of things that are normally a part of a child's life. No best friend, no sleep overs, no calling on a friend and talking on the phone, no allowance, and very little TV (we didn't have one until I was 10) and never being able to play games or go outside and have fun on Sunday. So many rules and regulations and a lot of work from the age of 10 on, but head of the household at 14 doing what my mother couldn't do. This is my perception, I don't rememer my childhood as a whole. It is all blocked out and only remember certain things as they reappear in my memory or from what I have been told.

At the end of her life, my aunt came to me and told me that I could be her lawyer yet she still looked on my as this sinner, saved by grace. She couldn't love me for who I was. She could loved me because I had opened my life to God and allowed Him into my life. I was a hero because I had overcome this 'sin' that I had allowed to take over my life. I was not a bad person trying to get good. I was a person who had a disease, who was trying to get well and recover.

[SunnyGirl]

I guess I could have been considered the "mascot"....
I have quite often used humor to lighten the air when it got
heavy. I was also a very loving child, in your face, on your
lap, needing extra hugs and kisses. And I am much the
same today....

Our childhood's play a big part of what we are today! But
to me, at some point you recognize the Whys and set out to
become the kind of person you want to be. Change takes time...
But it all starts with a first step!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[Lin]

Over the years I have read alot on these 4 roles. I think I was a combination of the hero and the scapegoat...even though that seems to be opposite. I did look for validation from others, and I seldom got it at home. I think that is why I am so competitive now as an adult. It really gets to me when that validation is shaken. Example...Last year we had a food drive at work. We were sort of competing with other locations in our territory. I worked my behond off to get lots of donations. I even donated at least $300 worth myself. My location had way over 1000 pounds of food . The boss told me they'd do a newspaper article. I wrote her my cell phone numebr and the best times to call. Nobody called. She told me my location won in our territory for the most food. But then when we had out state celebration meeting and that was brought up, a small town location was given that award. This year we are doing it again. I really thogut long and hard if I wanted to vol8unteeer to chair this again. I decided it was not for the boss...not for the recognition...but for those who need food in our area. So I said YES once again.

the scape goat was how I feel when my older brother gets favoritism over me. He was always my mom's favorite and it was so obvious. When she died she left him the nice home and the business building. At the time they were valued at over 200,000. I got a rental house valued at about 18,000. I really was angry over this. Today if my sister called my brother to get a numebr for a plumber or advice on her car purchase INSTEAD of asking me, I feel those same feelings again...like he was the CHOSEN one and i was nothing.

I know this is an area I still need to work on. My dad has been dead 33 years. My mom has been dead 22 years. But I still struggle with some of the feeling I had burind deep down inside.

LIN

[mrsspanish]

thanks....

[majestyjo]

Looking back, I think I qualify as the mascot too. My mother expected me to be a good example for my sisters. If they did wrong, it was my fault.

[majestyjo]

Are you still role playing?