Trust or Suspicious

[SunnyGirl]

Today, I will remember that we are each given the
gift of being able to discover what is best for ourselves.
God, help me trust that gift. - Melody Beattie

Definition of suspicious: inclined to doubt or mistrust

I have been curious by nature all my life and just because
someone "says it's so" doesn't mean I believe them. I am
especially suspicious of "used car salesmen" and my
"addicted loved ones". I still work on letting go and
letting God on a daily basis....

I have learned I need to practice trusting myself and my
decisions and actions. I make myself examine my own
motives and make sure they are "pure". Am I making the
decision based on love and caring about those around me
or is the decision based on stubborn logic? Am I manipulating
situations and trying to control the outcome? If I am truly
working the recovery program, I need to give it to God and
let go of the outcome. Am I doing what's really best for myself?
I work on this often.....

Any thoughts, please share.....

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[SunnyGirl]

It's ironic, I made this post a week ago today and here I am
going back to it as it applies to my life today. Am I trying to
absorb some wisdom from my own thoughts

I had a very tedious conversation with my younger sister (one
of my "qualifiers") yesterday, have been mulling it over ever since.

I have mentioned my Mom has dementia, she can not find her
will and refuses to go to an attorney to draw up another.
Everyone should have their last wishes written down in a
legal document, it may spare a lot of arguments and fighting
in the long run.

All 3 of us girls, seem to have the same recollection of what Mom
wants and that was to divide her property equally between the
3 and it would take agreement of all 3 to sell the property.
Keeping the property as a haven to any of the family that needs
or wants to come back to it.

Younger Sis now has it in her head that when Mom is gone we
will each take 5 acres of the property for our own, sell it or do
what we choose with it. This was not Mom's dream....

Mom and her new hubby signed prenups and he thinks older
Sis should have power of attorney and I agree. Younger Sis
hates this idea.... There is no discussing a will with Mom as she
gets very angry and shuts down.

There is no large estate, just 15 acres and a small house.....
Younger Sis is living in it now, as Mom and Hubby are living in his
house in town. I have no problem with her living there for the
rest of her life, but the entire 15 acres should remain as on
large estate for Grandkids....

I do not trust my younger sister... She and I have different
fathers and she received 3 different inheritances from her
fathers side and pi$$ed away every dime she ever received.
I could see her selling off her part of Mom's property and moving
back to Vegas. I cringe at the thought.....

Guess this is a little long and off topic, but I needed to get it out!
Trust is earned and I have no trust in my sisters motives here!

Have any thoughts or ideas for me?

Peace on the journey, Cherie

[dg]

Trusting a family member is always double edge sword when there is a bad apple in the cart. You want to do the right thing by giving them a chance to prove yourself wrong on how you feel about it and then again.. you don't want to get hurt because you KNOW how it is with them.
So my idea of trust is going half way with those I want to try to trust.
That is how I deal with it. It may not be right or may not be fair but I would rather know that at least I gave part of my trusting part out than not at all.

I would ask a lawyer if you can at least draw a part of a share of the land JUST for your sister. and you and the others take the rest to divide between the rest of you. Cut your sister out on the rest.(monies or whatever, and have her sign a paper (notry kind might work)that
she can understand that once this is done she got what she wanted in full in the event your mom passes.
Tell your sister that she either do it this way or she has to the way you and your sister wants to do.

My mom had to do this with my family. One kid got the money and then ahd to sign a paper saying that he understood that was ALL that was going o go to him. The rest of the money or property (nomore now) will go to us two.

[caressa]

It has been my experience that it was best to have a trusted servant outside of the family as executor. My aunt though, she had her youngest niece's oldest daughter as executor of her estate. She figured she was better able to cope, plus she came to see her quite regularly while my sister didn't. I was the oldest but had no desire for the job.

[SunnyGirl]

My Mom's estate is not worth any grand some of money.....

All three of us girls agree on what Mom's wishes are and
always have been. Mom wants to leave the property in
one large piece and have it stay in the family for generations.
Must have all three of us girls to agree if wanting to get
rid of it.

It is the younger Sis that wants the property divided and split
into 3 separate parcels after Mom is gone. She wants the
5 acre parcel with the house on it.... She lives in the house now!
We have no problem with her staying there for her life time.
She wants to leave the house and 5 acres to her son. (to sell
if this is his wish) or "plan B" would be for her to sell after Mom's
death and return to Vegas.

Each of us girls will leave property to our children, what they
choose to do after we 3 girls are dead and gone, is entirely their
decision. But it takes all to agree on selling.....

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dg and Caressa..... SG