playing the blame game!

[SunnyGirl]

Addictions rule a persons life, but it's always someone
else's fault....

I believe my younger Sister thinks for hours about ways to
assign blame for her addiction on someone else. First on
her list is our Mother.... Mom did this or Mom did that!
Or, listing the things Mom did for other two girls and she
was left out. I have been on her list, as had older Sis....
her Dad and our Grandmother (both departed) also on the
list of those to blame... "Poor Me" "Poor Me" "Poor Me"

There may be things that happened to us in our childhood that
spun us into some negative behaviors as adults. But to continue
to blame adult behaviors on childhood events is not how anyone
can learn and grow. Working through issues and putting the
past away is the only shot you have.

Bad things that happened to us as children are just incentive
to be better people. It is a gift if we choose for it to be. And if
we choose to live in blame we will continue to live under the
"injustices" that were placed up on us in our younger days.
Some may be real and some imagined!

Choosing to learn, rather than wallow in pain is always the
best option.....

I choose not to blame the addict/alcoholic in my life for their
addictions, I choose to believe it is the disease. I don't hate
them, quite the opposite, I love them and wish they would
learn the lesson...

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

Did that for so many years. Blamed my father for my alcoholism because he was an alcoholic and my isms came from my mother who used food and had her own addiction because she couldn't deal with his. It killed her at the age of 40. I also thought she was lazy and accused her of a lot of things like not caring, especially not taking care of herself. Not knowing that he was running around on her and never home, and leaving her with no money and transportation on a farm a mile away from the nearest neighbor with three girls. I also believe in today that she had fibromyalgia. I later became his drinking buddy and blamed him for keeping me awake and losing time from work because of his drinking and not looking at my own. Blamed my husband because I felt that I didn't have a problem until I met him and then I had to drink to be able to stand to be around him. No thought of taking responsibility for my son and myself and leaving. I was told it was my responsibility as the oldest daughter to take care of my dad. He kicked us out because of 'our' drinking and died six weeks later as a result of his own. A major guilt trip for not being there. He had no desire to quit or let go of his grief for the loss of his long time girlfriend.

That old adage, if you had a husband like I had, if you had a boss like I had, if you had parents like I had, you would drink too. Always about the big "I" and aren't I just wonderful. A perfect example of a self-righteous sinner.

[SunnyGirl]

Thank you for sharing on this Caressa.....

I value your input on this topic! At least it's good to know
Sis is a "typical addict".... Hugs, SG

[majestyjo]

My son still blames me in today, for his addiction. He was 25 years old when I came into recovery. Here I am 23 years later, still in recovery and it is still my fault.

I am a firm believe that we are products of our environment. It is often how we respond to what is around us, and how we react to it; and for me, it was, "If you can't beat them, join them." Where with my sisters, they wanted no part and stayed away and I chose the path of rebellion. I was the daughter of a preacher's son who married the village drunk's son. It was quite a combo if you wanted to compare and point fingers. I had to learn to identify my part, look at me, and take ownership for my part. Not just my addiction to prescription pills and alcohol, but my codependency, my dis-ease as an adult child of an alcoholic and the daughter of a mother of a food addict, and the wife of an alcoholic and the mother of a self-admitted alcoholic/addict.

A lot of labels and a lot of ifs and and buts, but it all boiled down to, "I am sick and I need help." The solution were the 12 Steps that came from AA, and were applicable to my life and allowed me to heal too.