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Post by SunnyGirl on Sept 24, 2009 13:03:52 GMT -5
Personal Bill of Rights for Adult Children - I have a right to all those good times that I have longed for
all these years and didn’t get.
- I have a right to joy in this life, right here, right now — not
just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more
substantive.
- I have a right to relax and have fun in a nonalcoholic and
nondestructive way.
- I have a right to actively pursue people, places, and situations
that will help me in achieving a good life.
- I have the right to say no whenever I feel something is not
safe or I am not ready.
- I have a right to not participate in either the active or passive
“crazy-making” behavior of parents, of siblings, and of others.
- I have a right to take calculated risks and to experiment with
new strategies.
- I have a right to change my tune, my strategy, and my funny
equations.
- I have a right to “mess up”; to make mistakes, to “blow it”, to
disappoint myself, and to fall short of the mark.
- I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately
or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate
or humiliate me, including my alcoholic parent, my nonalcoholic
parent, or any other member of my family.
- I have a right to put an end to conversations with people who
make me feel put down and humiliated.
- I have a right to all my feelings.
- I have a right to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches,
my intuition.
- I have a right to develop myself as a whole person emotionally,
spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.
- I have a right to express all my feelings in a nondestructive
way and at a safe time and place.
- I have a right to as much time as I need to experiment with
this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes
in my life.
- I have a right to sort out the bill of goods my parents sold me;
to take the acceptable and dump the unacceptable.
- I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence,
though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents' prescribed
philosophy of life.
- I have a right to carve out my place in this world.
- I have a right to follow any of the above rights, to live my life
the way I want to, and not wait until my alcoholic parent gets
well, gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is a problem.
- - Taken from 12stepforums.net
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Post by SunnyGirl on Sept 24, 2009 13:57:49 GMT -5
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be
made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life;
define yourself."
- - Harvey Fierstein
“If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it.
If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim.”
- - Richard Bach
"Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own
dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others,
you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
- - Miguel Angel Ruiz
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Post by Lin on Sept 24, 2009 16:30:05 GMT -5
Awesome list SG! thanks for posting.
LIN
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Post by gratefuljackie on Jan 7, 2010 2:52:36 GMT -5
This is awesome. I especially like this.
"I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately
or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate
or humiliate me, including my alcoholic parent, my nonalcoholic
parent, or any other member of my family. "
I almost always feel guilty and fearful when I say No to my mother or my sister. My birthday is next week and I do not want to spend it with them. Unfortuantely I don't think I ahev the coaurge to say No. I still feel like that little kid who will get hit or yelled at if i don't do what the other person wants. It's my mom who calls me today and asks what I want to do for my birthday. I can tell in her voice and my gut .. it's not about me. it's about her and her need to be clinging to us for any reason. That's whay she plans parties and events motnhs ahead of time. Using guilt to manipulate me or others.
It is so strange. I don't know which is my adult self and the little person who is afraid to say no to her mother. Both the desire to do something for me and be around safe people. ( Non program people) and then there is a person who doesn't want conflict and see others in pain because of what i choose to do.
it's like I see my mother as a hurt little girl. and me an adult.
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Post by gratefuljackie on Jan 7, 2010 2:58:47 GMT -5
WOW.. this is really good too ! "Don't Take Anything Personally. "Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
- - Miguel Angel Ruiz
Last year for my borthday , my sister got extremely mad at me for wanting to eat healthy for my birthday. She yelled at me and said " For someone who has so little you are awfully picky !"
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 7, 2010 13:03:50 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing Jackie.....
Lots of useful tools in 12-step recovery.... One of the best
gifts I was given was "detaching with love".... All of the
items on this list are possible! We just need to work on
them one day and 1 step at a time. When I found this site
I was much like the toddler learning to walk, took few steps
and fell flat on my face. It takes the courage to get up again
and again, until you get it right.
Today I have the courage to get up each day expecting to
have a wonderful day. If it doesn't turn out that way, I need
to examine my efforts and try to understand how I could have
done it better. I don't beat myself up and tomorrow will bring
me a brand new opportunity to get it right!
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
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Post by majestyjo on Dec 16, 2016 15:09:49 GMT -5
Wish I had thought of sharing this earlier when I talked to my friend. We both qualify for ACoA and AA. We tend to forget thing when we are in the midst of what seems to be a crisis and things can go out the window, until we ground ourselves and come back to the moment.
It is so important to live in the moment and not let our yesterdays and hopes and fears of tomorrow intrude on today.
These are all good, and along with the 12 Steps, we can let go of our past, stop focusing on the parent and allow ourselves to heal.
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Post by caressa222 on Dec 9, 2018 16:03:22 GMT -5
A good time of the year to renew our readings and get back to basics.  |
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Post by majestyjo on Aug 6, 2019 11:50:50 GMT -5
A friendly reminder. the opportunities are endless.
Recovery is personal. We have to find a program that works for us.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.