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Post by caressa on Oct 21, 2009 13:24:40 GMT -5
Over the years, holidays especially have been big triggers. Not just about over indulgence of certain substances but the behaviors that caused the feelings and fears that initiated the desire to stuff and pull on blanket of denial.
One of my vivid memories is my father falling face first into his Thanksgiving dinner plate. It was the first time his girlfriend had been invited for a meal. She compliamented me on my stuffing and said it was the best she ever tasted and yet the whole incident took away from the goodness I felt. Shortly after she was killed in a car accident when a car pulled out of a side road and side swiped the car she was riding in.
When memories from my past turn up, I often find an emptiness there that I feel I need to fill and often pick up food, until such a time as I realize what I am doing, and then I have to turn it over to my Higher Power.
It is important to make new memories. I am not able to entertain like I use to. There was a time I seldom cooked a big meal for myself because I thought of it as a company meal. Too good for just me. I didn't deserve chicken, gravy, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts and turnip. Spare ribs and baked potatoes wth sour cream with a salad and often my favorite vegetable creamed cauliflower.
I had to tell myself I am worthy of a company meal. I deserved to be kind to myself and not discount myself.
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Memories
Sept 22, 2020 23:07:08 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Sept 22, 2020 23:07:08 GMT -5
Had to stop beating myself up and putting myself down. I had to stop comparing and learn to identify. A drug is a drug. It takes many forms. Substitution doesn't work.
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